PC Building SCP Concept

Summary:

Seeking Greenlights, suggestions and any general feedback.

PC Building SCP Concept

ColdCarnage 25 Feb 2021 22:06

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Thriller

Page Layout (Optional): Standard format with addendums providing the background story and how the foundation captured it.

Elevator Pitch:

• Cognito Hazard Computer SCP which attracts humans to it
• The SCP is not fully built and humans will approach it having a feeling that they should finish building it
• The SCP will cause iron in the bloodstream of nearby humans to be converted into computer components this includes altering the matter itself as computer components aren't just made of iron.
• Humans which are not skilled enough to finish building the computer will die in around 1 and a half hours due to severe anemia, injecting or consuming iron during this period is ineffective in preventing death.
• Humans that are skilled enough to complete the build will cause the anomalous effects of the SCP to be halted for 69 hours, after this period of time passes the anomalous effects return and all of the components disappear apart from the case and the motherboard.

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Central Narrative: 17-year-old male was building the pc shortly after buying the components at a standard pc store and during the building process after placing in the motherboard he started to feel extreme shortness of breath he felt compelled to build the computer at a faster pace however there was a power outage and this person was a new to pc building and as such he could not look up the next step in building the computer this caused him to die of anemia. The Foundation sent in a task force to investigate the anomaly, the whole task force went under the effect of the SCP and 2 of the personnel died due to complications with the anemia.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Computer which attracts humans to it and kills them if they fail to build the pc. Matter Altering, Cognito Hazard Computer.

Additional Notes: I am interested in name suggestions, general suggestions relating to the SCP and the story and tips for polish.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 26 Feb 2021 06:56 by Zyn Show more

Re: PC Building SCP Concept

Impperatrix 26 Feb 2021 04:37

Hi, I'm Flight Officer Impperatrix!

Let's crit!

I don't feel like there is a compelling narrative here. Is just the discovery of the SCP and then… nothing. What is made of the computer after it was captured? Does he just keep locked in a room where no one can touch it? There is no good story here.

The skip is too "boring" and could easily be just an Anomalous Item. Not only the story about it but the anomaly with the PC is too weak. If you don't complete it you die, if you complete it you live. To be honest, I like the effects of the "losing" as it makes the victims into anemic humans full of electronic boards within their body. The winning need some major improvement as just "surviving" and "being cured" for the skip to return to its incomplete form 69 hours later is not very interesting.

My best suggestion is for you to read something about Anderson Robotics and/or The Church of the Broken God. Both are Groups of Interest connected to technology and computers and can give you some ideas. If you want some guidance, I can try to search for some good readings for you.

Good luck and good writing!