Gonna note that I can miss stuff; flag things which are right as being wrong and indeed flag things which are deliberately wrong.
I'll likely use strikethrough to indicate stuff to remove and green text to indicate stuff to add.
airtight, stainless steel humanoid containment cell measuring 17m x 17m x 17m at all times.
I'm, kinda questioning 'humanoid' here: 'airtight' and 17m x 17m x 17m are both very unusual for like, a standard humanoid, whereas the use of humanoid implies it's like, the standard cell.
Also like, if the cell is 17m tall cos the SCP is very tall, why's it so small in the other two directions? It feels… weirdly square.
SCP-XXXX's containment cell is to be cleaned of spore build-up on a bi-weekly in full level-4 hazmat gear.
'in full level-4 hazmat gear' is weird because the sentence is very passive: there's no people mentioned to be wearing the gear. I'm suggesting cutting 'on a' but adding e.g. 'schedule' afterwards would work too.
Personnel must use the decontamination shower before leaving the containment area in order to avoid spore spread.
I feel like this is implied by the construction of the door system
SCP-XXXX upon first discovery by Foundation personnel
It might just be my sense of scale being off here but the mushroom person looks much taller than 15.24m in this picture.
Also 15.24m is really precise here and I'm not sure it's… necessary?
The creature maintains a light brown convex cap with raised scales and free, white gills.
'maintains' feels… weird here? The implication is this cap is part of them; whereas 'maintains' suggests it's like, a potted plant they have?
SCP-XXXX has a body resembling that of a proportional human skeleton
'proportional' feels odd here; maybe just cut it?
Tissue samples have determined that its structure is composed of its own stalk material and the thorax of the creature is composed of the ring of the fungus.
I… don't know if it's just me but this parses in a weird way: it kinda comes across like it's tautological but trying not to be?
however it reacts normally to visual and auditory stimuli.
I'd cut 'normally' here, it feels weirdly casual?
When exposed to human lung tissue, usually via inhalation, these spores result in spontaneous respiratory arrest.
'when exposed to' implies 'in the presence of lung tissue, these spores do something': I'd likely rephrase this to e.g. "When these spores are inhaled, they cause spontaneous respiratory arrest, with death typically occurring within 3 minutes." just to not give the appearance of this being related to the spores doing something when it's really about the person inhaling them doing something.
This was originally believed to be a hostile stance, SCP-XXXX attempting to get its spores closer to the subject in order to induce symptoms quicker. However, further research has determined this is not the case. In reality, this stance is an attempt on SCP-XXXX'S part to appear less threatening to humans by reducing its stature.
This feels… long winded? The 'However, further research…case.' sentence in particular doesn't really add much that the following sentence doesn't cover.
SCP-XXXX was discovered by the Foundation on 22/02/2020 after appearing at a National Park in south-eastern California.
'appearing' makes it seem like it just kinda, teleported in or something; idk, it might read better as 'after being sighted at…' or something?
The civilian victims of SCP-XXXX's spores were reported as suicides to their families and no autopsies took place on the bodies.
The vagueness about the number of victims here feels a little unsatisfying; but really there's something about this which sounds wild suspicious and it feels like a less… bizarre cause of death could be found? Like, hell, if they died of mushroom spore inhalation, maybe a cover that implies it was non-anomalous mushroom spores that did it would be better?
D-2304 was wearing level-1 hazmat gear.
If you're going to have like, multiple levels of hazmat gear, it might be worth giving a reader an indication of the differences here? Like, really sell Level 1 being like, a lot less effective than Level 4 or w/e so the D-Class dying doesn't feel so odd.
As it stands, we aren't given a full enough picture of what happens here for the D-Class getting exposed to make sense because I don't really have a convincing mental picture of what this like, exposure looks like?
SCP-XXXX was exposed to SCP-5144 to test whether or not emotions would be detected and replicated by 5144. 5144 was placed on XXXX's foot.
I'm sure I flagged this in 5144 too but I'm really not a fan of cross testing here.
SCP-5144 also changed its form to that of an Amanita pantherina, the same species of which SCP-XXXX resembles.
A laboratory mouse contained in a standard barred rodent cage was placed in SCP-XXXX's containment cell in order to observe the effects of the spores on non-human creatures.
… This feels like a really weird third test like this feels very much like the first test you would do.
Dr. Zaretsky has suggested using biodata sonification to observe whether or not microcurrent fluctuations occur in SCP-XXXX as they do in non-anomalous living organisms.
Hm. I'm a little torn on this: on the one hand, this kind of dense technical sentence makes a lot of sense to include in a scp and is probably accurate. On the other hand, I have no idea what this means or why it's being tested here.
Interviewed: [SCP-XXXX]
I wouldn't include square brackets around the person being interviewed or the interviewer
So how come this recorder is so modern and in my office I’m stuck with my little 80s tape- oh, it's working.
… This is a really odd opening
um… I'm going to need specifics… you were discovered walking around a National Park, it's not typical of mushrooms to walk.
The jump from 'I need to know more specifically where you came from' to 'it's not normal for mushrooms to walk tell me more?' feels odd here, like, it feels like Zaretsky should get an answer on the first but not the second
Request has been granted. - Site-95 Director
Putting this in a footnote feels weird; maybe adding it in italics after the closing statement would be better? Idk.
and drop her approximately 15ft.
The foundation uses metric: this should be in metres.
SCP-XXXX will be denied any privilege requests until further notice.
This feels weirdly out of place in a statement that's largely 'this situation was an accident and not really a big deal'; like, in part because it doesn't flow from that well but also because it's like, a lot more punitive than the rest of the statement?
