One big bad bug?

Summary:

Not all bugs are trying to kill us, some are trying to keep us alive.

One big bad bug?

JosephAmador44 23 Feb 2021 04:19

Seeking Greenlights: Need critique first
Page Type: SCP Article
Genre (Optional): Scientific Article
Page Layout (Optional): Standard SCP Format
Concept pitch:

In the cornfields of a Midwestern America, there’s a report to the local police deptartment of a supposed giant caterpillar eating through a field a farmhand’s working in. Embedded agents come out and soon after so does MTF. The entity has shackles around its legs, signs of abuse and beatings across its body with a collar around its neck-along with a strange foundation-like symbol branded onto its forehead. The task force is either swatted away, dodging acidic spit or pinned by webbing until a agent attempts to approach the creature calmly and succeeds.

Central narrative/ anomalous creature concept:
This caterpillar-like creature is a little bigger then your normal school bus, and it produces a gas that causes human beings bodies to experience a great degree of self repair, but has no effect on wildlife. It’s attached to only a few researchers and agents that took a unique approach to getting its “cooperation.” Namely, a Caroline Brice-ex mtf member turned researcher that the caterpillar responds very positively to after being taken into custody, along with a current guard known as Trey Reynolds. After their good work, the entity has been considerably less hostile and aggressive, and has been considerably more cooperative/passive since acquisition, and the other personnel that work with it have also become attached with time.

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Caroline and Trey however, are more concerned as to the origin of the symbol and scars from its previous captors, as they discover that in one experiment with livestock tools, in particularly, a branding iron-that the entity nearly kills them to prevent them from approaching further. Since then the main question of the entity has been just what happened to the creature before it fell into foundation hands?
The hook: The gas produced by this creature is safe in a very limited amount of intake, but overexposure can cause issues or side effects such as trouble breathing,considerably pressure in the chest, nausea, light-headedness, and increased heart rates. it medicinally makes it work more efficiently but not as potently, need multiple doses to revitalize the body but it works. Can the gas be rendered completely safe or is it only good in processed and carefully limited supply-as well as the foundation discover the group behind the wounds and scars left on the entity-as well as find out just what the extent of their actions were against it?

Containment protocols idea: This massive caterpillar is kept in a sizeable airtight biosphere-like “reservation” enough room to roam around but also full of domestic cattle and such for food. And a special electrical system setup to deter the entity from the border of the containment zone, and a filtration system to extract the gas for processing. An actual smaller facility is located inside for foundation personnel with an airlock chamber leading into the actual facility inside, and then into the biosphere area where the entity resides.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. Also, please note the Ideas Critique required reading wordcount limit; your post is about 70 words over. Please address this before seeking further feedback. ~Zyn

Last edited on 06 May 2021 05:15 by Zyn Show more

Re: One big bad bug?

Impperatrix 23 Feb 2021 06:58

I'm Flight Officer Impperatrix and…

...here is my crit!

First things first: Narrative. Did you read any SCP beyond Series I? Did you read the SCP from Series V and VI? The "meta" for good and surviving SCP nowadays are things with a story, characters, Logos, Pathos, and Ethos. What should I feel reading about this giant insect that cures everything? How it behaves? How it was captured? How it interacts with the SCP personnel? Does it have feelings? Dreams? It's sad to be contained? Who created it? Where it comes from? There are a lot of questions that you can choose and respond to with a story made by logs and documents.

You're SCP is focused on being a healer and that's tricky. An overpowered healer like this is just boring. There is no price to be paid for curing anything. You can even look at the Series I SCP's with similar powers that they have "prices" for curing. SCP-590 cures anyone, but he takes the illness for himself. SCP-500 are 47 pills that can cure anything, but they can't be synthesized, so you can only use its powers 47 times, and then it's over. What if the person loses their memory forever if affected by the gas? Or if you inhale the gas you can only breathe it for the rest of your life?

Also, there are Special Containment Procedures. How the SCP Foundation will contain and hide this giant caterpillar?

I'll recommend that you read the pages below to have some ideas:

• How To Write An SCP
• Doing The Safety Dance
• This one about narrative
• Conservation of WTF

Hope you can make this a good SCP soon!

Good luck and good writing!

Re: One big bad bug?

JosephAmador44 23 Feb 2021 19:04

Yes I guess I didn’t really bother to include the potential concept for its containment procedures did I? I always tend to forget something in these pitches.

Should I give my adjustments and such here with the edits?

Re: One big bad bug?

Dr Hajovsky 23 Feb 2021 18:46

Hi there JosephAmador44, let's take a look at your concept.

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Overall: As Impperatrix pointed out, this concept is rather light on narrative. In general, a narrative can simply be a connected series of events that feature your concept and lead into a satisfying conclusion. Is the caterpillar sentient? What was the experience like in containing it? What did the researchers learn and what questions could it raise? How could the concept tie symbolize certain themes or ideas?

This concept somewhat reminds me of SCP-3000 just because it's a useful entity that produces a compound that could be utilized by the Foundation. The difference though is that the extraction of the Y-909 compound from 3000 requires a dangerous series of procedures. These help create the sense that the obtainment of the compound isn't easily done or free. Another integral part is that 3000's memetic effect isn't perfect in its natural state. It causes people to go insane after prolonged exposure or become extremely disoriented if they get to close. It's only through a process of refining the compound that it can be used for amnestics. What I'm trying to say is that the caterpillar having these perfect healing powers is just too convenient and doesn't feel realistic in the context of the Foundation.

Specific:

Gone, even mental health things like autism or adhd fade into nothing and the person feels totally different.

I'd leave this part out, as it raises some rather messy questions of what is healthy or abnormal.

Does its gaseous by-product prove to be something useful to the foundation and its agents? Perhaps even enhancing or rendering the foundations agents immune to anomalous effects?

This feels way too powerful in these contexts. Part of the suspense in reading Tales or articles that feature MTFs is the understanding that the job is dangerous. Also, curing every disease and preventing anomalous effects is spreading the concept too thin. Giving too many properties to a concept will usually only be a detriment to the article, especially if they're too thinly connected.

Advice:
As has already been pointed out, the introduction of a narrative is really what this article needs. To help accomplish this and also make the caterpillar's gas a bit more believable, perhaps the gas isn't perfect in its natural state. Instead of healing all known diseases, perhaps it instead causes the rapid and uncontrolled production of human tissue, leading to anyone who inhales the gas to die soon after.
Initially though, the Foundation doesn't know this, and think the gas is simply poisonous. Upon examination, they realize it's potential and develop a refinement process to create a healing gas. However, in order to prevent this from being too convenient, the process can only produce a very small amount. Also, while the healing is perfect, it is slow and difficult to utilize on missions. This way, we can have any injury healed, while not making the MTFs functionally immortal.

Later on, to enhance your narrative, the Foundation could discover that the refined gas still isn't perfect or has some side effects. This can then into a conclusion where you can comment on mankind's attempts to harness nature and have the Foundation choose to either continue or discontinue experiments with the gas.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like me to do a follow up, as I might not see it otherwise. Good luck with your concept!

Re: One big bad bug?

JosephAmador44 23 Feb 2021 20:30

Ok I made some new edits and added some narrative that I should’ve when I threw the pitch.

Last edited on 23 Feb 2021 21:28 by JosephAmador44 Show more

Re: One big bad bug?

Zoobeeny 23 Feb 2021 20:46

Hey there aspiring author, just a reminder that if you want to make changes to your Idea Thread, you can click the "Options" button on the bottom left of the thread post and then hit "Edit". That way you don't clutter up the thread!

Whoops, appears I have forgotten one of the rules myself! Apologies author!

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 07:29 by Zoobeeny Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 24 Feb 2021 06:47

Slight clarification—the forum guidelines state that self-replies are fine if the author is announcing major edits.

Re: One big bad bug?

Dr Hajovsky 28 Feb 2021 05:34

Summoned Back Via PM

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signs of abuse and beatings across its body with a collar around its neck-along with a strange foundation-like symbol branded onto its forehead.

I'd leave out the detail of the symbol being similar to the Foundation's until you have a concrete idea of who exactly did this to the caterpillar. I'm just suggesting to leave your options open, or perhaps find an existing GoI that whose motives would be in line with what we're seeing.

It’s attached to only a few researchers and agents that took a unique approach to getting its “cooperation.” The entitie’s preference to specific people makes its handling tricky and it recognizes said people.

Expanding on this, I'd suggest introducing a specific character we can follow in the story. It can either be an MTF agent or one of the researchers that the creature has bonded to. This gives the narrative the backbone of being a human story. We can see the possibly cute or charming interactions that the character has with the caterpillar and can feel more attached to them and the story as a result.

The gas produced by this creature is safe in a very limited amount of intake, but overexposure can make the inhalers lose critical memories and have trouble breathing soon enough; too much and they completely depend on the gas just to breathe.

I'd have to say that the accelerated healing property of the gas and the losing memories/ becoming dependent on it don't really gel together. The more negative memetic properties of the gas also raise the question of how it could be processed for just healing purposes without also having the memory side effect. I think cramming too many aspects or properties on a concept can be harmful to the narrative, so I'd prefer that the losing memories and being dependent aspect be cut. This isn't to say the raw form of the gas should be without a side effect, rather that the side effect should be more related to healing factor.

Can the gas be rendered completely safe or is it only good in limited use-and who put the symbol on top of its forehead which so strongly shared some of the foundations symbols?

The answers to these questions and how they affect the caterpillar and the new character I mentioned earlier should form your conclusion. As is, your concept is missing a satisfying end where everything you've laid out comes together. This is pretty necessary, as without it your story can feel like it just stagnates and doesn't go anywhere.