Marine Biodebris

Summary:

Marine creatures constructed by the garbage floating around the ocean.

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Marine Biodebris

Ichthy5 19 Feb 2021 19:38

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Science Fiction

Page Layout: Containment procedures, description, interviews, and diary entries.

Elevator Pitch: Marine organisms that've been constructed using the garbage floating around the ocean that causes memetic effects to have people think of the ocean constantly, even in their dreams. There's also a giant manta ray that seems to play a vital part in the existence of these creatures.

Central Narrative: The main narrative will involve a certain D-Class that was one out of many to be randomly selected to be in the experiment. They have one account of first degree murder after killing a CEO in what’s believed to be an act of eco terroism. As a test subject, they are to keep a dream journal with them all times and be interviewed every once in a while.

What’ll happen during this experiment is that the D-Class will begin to experience varying degrees of scenarios. They will have greater emotional impacts from these, and be reminded of all of the ocean conservation they did before they ended up in prison. There’s also this close friend they knew that also participated in the same activism as them. Thoughts begin to rise at the remorse of how their act of murder would’ve affected their friend in a traumatizing manner.

During the interviews, they’ll always mention a giant manta ray made of various debris that shows up every once in a while. It’s the source of the anomalous creatures, as it swallows up any garbage in its way that forms these garbage constructs. For whatever reason, the D-Class felt the urge to grab onto its back. For what felt like mere seconds, they ended up being brought by the ray to various locations that all resonated in some way with the D-Class in their past life.

It’s the last dream that they get to see their friend at a nearby shore, and it shows them still participating in ocean conservation despite what happened. The friend sees the D-Class in the distance before they vanish. Back at the Foundation, the D-Class writes the final entry before mysteriously dying the next day. Now they’re on the lookout for any sightings for a large manta ray to further their research and hopefully contain it.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: An aquatic SCP that relates to marine debris and the new, strange life created from it.

Additional Notes: Hope it’s alright.

Last edited on 08 Mar 2021 00:08 by Ichthy5 Show more

Re: Garbage Marine Creatures

peppermint_legos 19 Feb 2021 22:43

If I'd only read your title, my first expectation would probably be a very preachy article about how humans are destroying the environment (which we totally are, but that's beside the point). But because you don't mention that anywhere in this idea pitch, I get the impression that's not your focus. Personally, that feels like a good call to me.

Not to tell you what to write, but this does make me imagine anart activism that some group like Are We Cool Yet? might do. Might be an interesting thing to explore, or refute, or ignore entirely. Here's an extremely relevant short video from the extremely talented artist PES.

I don't think it's implausible at all. In fact, I really like it. And I'd read the article.

EDIT: Nicolini's explanation of greenlight policy.

Last edited on 19 Feb 2021 23:30 by peppermint_legos Show more

Staff Post- Info - Open

Uncle Nicolini 19 Feb 2021 23:04

Hello, peppermint_legos, it appears you do not meet the necessary criteria to be a greenlighter. I do see you have an article featured on the reviewer spotlight, but greenlight privileges are given to the spotlighter, not the author.

I apologize if there was a mix-up anywhere along the process, and we will work to make sure the language used is easier to interpret.

Re: Staff Post- Info - Open

Impperatrix 20 Feb 2021 05:13

Hello! I'm Flight Officer Impperatrix!

+ And I'm here to crit your idea!

I think you have an interesting skip over here, but the problem is that you don't have a compelling narrative around it.

You can create lots of stories around the literal flotsam and jetsam here. Where they came from? Does someone create them? What is their impact on ocean life? Are they dangerous? If they are dangerous, what incidents can they cause? Try to make a good tale around your skip idea, something that's not only a boring description of a creature.

Your idea about ecology and pollution made me think about Are We Cool Yet?, a Group of Interest with artistic ideals. I think an anartist (anomalous artist) could do something like this to make some kind of protest. I suggest you read some AWCY? material if you're interested! I'm not the very best to guide you to the best articles involving them, but I can try to help you if you're interested.

Good luck and good writing!

Re: Staff Post- Info - Open

Ichthy5 20 Feb 2021 05:58

Thank you for the feedback! I wasn't sure about a narrative and only had the idea about floating trash becoming marine creatures. But the AWCY angle like you and the other post that you suggested is an ideal basis to make a good story out of. I'll look into the group further before I make an revised edit of the proposal.

Re: Garbage Marine Creatures

Ichthy5 20 Feb 2021 05:52

The title does need some work if it comes across as lackluster and unappealing, I never was good at naming things to begin with. But, I will look into AWCY to help build a better foundation for my article idea like you suggested.

Btw the video you linked is amazing. I've been watching on repeat.

Last edited on 20 Feb 2021 06:57 by Ichthy5 Show more

Re: Marine Biodebris

TheAlienBaby 21 Feb 2021 21:13

[Placeholder, please don't touch. Will crit in 72 hours]

Hey there Ichthy5, I'll be critting your idea today!
Note that I am neither a particularly experienced reviewer nor an official one (though I am a flight officer), so take everything I say with a grain of salt.
With that being said, let's begin the crit!

+ Open Section-by-Section +

Elevator Pitch

I myself like ACWY? articles, so I may be a bit biased, but I like this pitch already. The 'trashimals' concept is quite interesting and fitting for an anartist trying to make a statement on marine pollution. No problems here from me.

Central Narrative

The narrative here is good as well. All believable (considering the in-universe circumstances), with some good pacing and a sort of narrative climax in the form of the whale and the bottle. However, the story doesn't really go anywhere? I mean, the whale is cool and all, and so is the message, but what happens after this? Would the anartist/s be content to just let their project be silenced by the Foundation?

Hook/Attention Grabber

Works fine. (I usually don't have very much to say about this section).

---

+ Open General Thoughts +

So I like the concept, but my main concern is that the story's end just leaves me feeling a bit unsatisfied. I'd suggest expanding past the whale (it doesn't have to be detailed). Maybe like some stuff afterwards about reports of similar things popping up in places like landfills, deforested areas, etc. to make a statement about the environment being destroyed by humans? That's what I would do in the anartist's shoes.

Anyway, I'd recommend you contact some more people via the Butterfly Squad. They're super helpful and experienced!

---

Anyway, that's it for my crit for today! Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps!
P.S Feel free to PM me if you want a recrit! Just make sure to link this thread if you do.

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 11:58 by TheAlienBaby Show more

Re: Marine Biodebris

TheAlienBaby 25 Feb 2021 06:16

Hey again Ichthy5, it's recrit time!

+ Open Recrit +

It’s noted at the end that the Foundation is not a garbage disposal service, and that any trash-related issues outside of the anomalies should be dealt with by the public.

Dunno how I feel about this. I assume you mean that the Foundation won't deal with non-anomalous cases of pollution, but in my opinion this doesn't actually need to be addressed in your article.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say. Take my greenlight!
If this moves to the draft stage, I'd be happy to crit this, so don't hesitate to PM me.

---

And that's it for my crit today! Thanks for reading, and I hope that this helps!

Re: Marine Biodebris

TheAlienBaby 22 Mar 2021 08:25

I, the hasty greenlighter (I'm not going to retract this greenlight because I gave it out), will be back with more crit!
[Placeholder! Will crit sometime soon!]

Re: Marine Biodebris

Benji_the_Blue 25 Feb 2021 23:02

Heyo Ichthy5!
I've heard the ring of a silver bell, and have been summoned from the deepest expanses of PMs. Let's begin…>:P Quick note I can't hand out a Greenlight.

+ Open it... Do it

---

Elevator Pitch: I'm not too accustomed to Are We Cool Yet? But I get the basic gist and there's not much in the elevator pitch that's shouting to me so I'll move on.

Central Narrative:
There's nothing blatantly wrong with the narrative. Safe and gentle, which fits perfectly fine with the skip.

Main narrative issue: However, I think I'll have to agree with TheAlienBaby on this one "the story doesn't really go anywhere?"
Just imagine this with me, if you strip down the narrative to the bare bones. You get plastic fish that get found by fishermen, the foundation get involved and find a note, preaching about littering and the death of millions of marine animals. Apart from the small twist of the note (albeit a bit of a predictable one). There's not much here; there's nothing that's really engaging me.

other issues: Maybe this is just how AWCY work, but IMO they don't really play any significant part in the story… Neither does the foundation in that matter. You could get rid of AWCY or the foundation entirely and you'll have the same product, conclusion and story (plastic fish, save the oceans!). One recommendation could be that you try to get the foundation and or the AWCY? get a little more involved in these plastic sea creatures. Which could definitely spice up the narrative.

"what happens after this? Would the anartist/s be content to just let their project be silenced by the Foundation?" is definitely one of my questions too, at the moment the ending's a little lacklustre.

Additional Notes: "Added something after the whale incident with similar creatures found in different parts of the world and possible concerns for the future. The main focus will still be on the marine environment." This does sound interesting, where do you plan to take this then?

---

All in all, I'm not a greenlight privileged reviewer, but I'm going to be brutally honest, (please take this the wrong way, or bring you down…) This isn't exactly Greenlight worthy, -but what do I know TheAlienBaby has already given you one sooo… :I- … Your narrative is a little one-note, and bland. I want to see you expand your ideas to stretch the narrative as much as mentally possible. And see where it goes.

Kind Regards Benji, ^{(Just ask if you want another review)}

Last edited on 26 Feb 2021 09:42 by Benji_the_Blue Show more

Re: Marine Biodebris

Benji_the_Blue 27 Feb 2021 20:13

Hey Ichthy5,
Back for round 2!

+ Title for showing text

Central Narrative: "They continue to persist in their dreams for days, even after the season ends. Another sighting comes in, this time with an area that consists of an artificially constructed reef that divers have frequented towards out of curiosity."

How are these dreams going to play out, just curious? Because I think maybe using the dreams as a useful device leading into the climax is the most logical place to go… But you prob already know that. :P
Also whilst we're on the topic of dreams and plastic fish discoveries. Apart from being a set up for the ending. They don't really play any other part, even though, IMO it seems pretty important to the plot: " dreams of pristine reefs to the open waters" What happens after this? "Partificially constructed reef that divers have frequented towards out of curiosity." This sounds incredibly cool, but it leads nowhere.

"they claim to experience a dream that left them questioning their existence" This sound a little cliché, them seeing hallucinations of the ocean makes them question life?
What happens after the manta-ray experience. What does the foundation and or the AWCY do?

---

In conclusion, The narrative is definitely better. But you need to build up, the build-up… (sorry, I just had to, :D) But the section of the story before the main climax needs stuffing, whilst still being significant and important to the story.
E.g story building -> climax. Let's take your proposal for example the (dreams of the ocean -> the manta ray reveal).
That is a perfect lead up to the climax, everything connects and makes sense without losing quality. Keep that up.

Kind regards Benji, ^{(you know what to do if you need me)} P.S From now on I suggest try Contacting a butterfly member for greenlights.

Last edited on 03 Mar 2021 15:47 by Benji_the_Blue Show more

Re: Marine Biodebris

REDESERT 03 Mar 2021 08:41

Hello Ichthy5!

SAND

+ show block

Overall I quite like the concept, though the narrative doesn't really seem to be leading to anything of note, along with there not really being any characters to follow.

Currently, the pitch only really focuses on the skip, which is fine, though isn't really anything learnt about it beyond "AWCY? made it". To me at least, the lack of info on the skip makes the pitch feel sort of flat. As there aren't any characters or clear conflicts to keep me invested/interested, when the skip itself is only really being discovered.

I feel the narrative could work a bit better if a clearer payoff was given, along with maybe adding character (or even just fleshing out a few in the interviews), so the audience is able to stay invested, and watch more closely how they react to the skip.

Let me know if your interested in any further critique, I look forward to any replies:)

Cheers,

RED

Re: Marine Biodebris

Impperatrix 04 Mar 2021 22:29

I WAS SUMMONED AGAIN (via PM!)

Little notes

There's also a giant manta ray that seems to play a vital part in the existence of these creatures.

The manta ray doesn't seem to have the pivotal role that it should have right now. Its participation is short and could be removed without problem. Expand it or remove it.

One D-Class that has a history of participating in eco-terrorism will be noted to have a greater emotional reaction during interviews.

Is this effect memetic or the people are really being convinced by the visions?

Also a footnote at the end about it being a possible creation of an AWCY anart due to the mention of a tag with their usual catchphrase.

As the Mata Ray participation, this one feels very "removable". Again, expand it or remove it.

Overall

I second REDESERT. You lack an interesting character whose story fits with the SCP. My suggestion is that you take this "eco D-Class" and expand on them. What's their story and why they get so linked to the skip?

Both the manta ray and the AWCY concepts have to be expanded. AWCY?'s main definition is "art with intent". If it was an anartist that created the manta ray, why did they choose a manta ray to be the "main" trash-fish? Why did they decide to put these cognitohazards within the trash-fish? Why didn't they made a bunch of murderous fish that attack people? Why didn't they made the fish swim around great beaches to be seen? Every minutia of an artistic work (at least to an AWCY? anartist) has to have a reason. I think that's a good point where you can start expanding on characters and narrative.

I'll give you No-greenlight, but I'll also praise you for your improvement on the idea! Now there is a narrative that can be understood, even if it needs improvement.

Good luck and good writing!

Re: Marine Biodebris

Impperatrix 07 Mar 2021 20:24

I WAS SUMMONED A THIRD TIME!

+ And here are my thoughts

I have to praise your evolution with this skip as it was a very Series I flat idea when I first saw it, now it's a good story about friendship and environmental protection. I can see how you're gonna create a connection between the protagonist and the reader, I can see how you're gonna show the skip abilities. I can understand why you removed the AWCY? connection, but this hasn't impacted the skip negatively, so it's ok.

I have some itsy-bitsy comments:

1. The death of the protagonist would feel more impactful if happened DURING the last dream.
2. Explain better the dreams that the D-Class have while under the effect of the skip, maybe give an example.
3. Remember that the Foundation would probably search for the real Manta Ray. You need to include it.
4. A little suggestion is that the friend of the D-Class should "feel" the prisoner's presence, maybe talk with them or something like this. Would help with the ending.

Even with these minor problems, I'll give you a Greenlight! I hope you can get the second one soon! I'm very proud of your work!

_{Also: I can greenlight, people! Zyn gave me that power due to my Flight participation!}

Good luck and good writing!

Last edited on 07 Mar 2021 20:31 by Impperatrix Show more

Re: Marine Biodebris

REDESERT 05 Mar 2021 04:09

Heyo followup!

Overall, I feel the manta ray needs a clearer link with the other elements of the skip, as currently it feels a bit disconnected. what role does it play in the concept? how will that keep audience attention? how do you plan to show this link in the narrative?

Along with this, The character you show in the pitch isn't really fleshed out much, which makes it hard for me to really get invested. What are they like? why should I as the reader care about them? how should the audience feel about them by the end of the story?

For now I'll hold off on greenlighting this, though I'd say its getting relatively close. Let me know if you're interested in any further feedback:)

Cheers,

RED

Re: Marine Biodebris

Zoobeeny 06 Mar 2021 15:53

Summoned via PM

Alright, let’s do this.

While I don’t have any problems with the idea itself, I have to say that the narrative is a bit lacking. Of the three components to a narrative, you only really have one piece, the Characters.

You’re missing Conflict and Conclusion, at least in the post.
What’s the conflict here? What’s the obstacles in the way of the protagonist? (Hell, who is our protagonist?)
Then for conclusion, how is the conflict resolved? Is it just the eco-D that’s amnesticized? How does this solve the problem of the SCP? (Or is the SCP even the problem?)

You seem to know a lot of the background details, but we need the overarching details regarding the narrative. You also seem to want to explain the SCP via message, and that might actually not be a good idea, because it comes off very expository. Not to say that it can’t be done, because it can given the structure of the article, but just know that just dropping an explanation can be very difficult to pull off.

That’s all from me. Hope it helps.

Re: Marine Biodebris

Grigori Karpin 25 Mar 2021 20:39

Core idea? I think this is cool. My problem is how you're going about telling it. This sounds like a bunch of exposition in the form of journals from the d-class. ALSO why does this need a D-class? why couldn't it be literally anyone? What does it serve the narrative?

I do like the idea of some spiritual guardian of ocean pollution, and the imagery of ocean dreams with trash manta rays… but I think this would do better with less lore and more evocative language. Aim for emotional impact over deep explanations. My suggestion is also find a way to tell the story that isn't just the D-Class explaining stuff directly to the reader.

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