Speaking from the perspective of someone who barely had any idea of what IJAMEA is (or the goals and motivation of the aforementioned GOI other than being the "Rising Sun" faction that it is), and learning like it from this article, I could say that you did a good job introducing them to me.
I'm going to discuss the emotions that your draft had invoked in me because, for me, articles like these are interesting. As a disclaimer, everything in this section ONLY pertained both to the GOI and the effectivity of the author's execution in writing.
Firstly, you did a great job in capturing the desperation of the GoI you featured. The GoI, in whole, drew inspiration from a particular superpower that was the center of many real life scary stories, you know what I mean, and the GoI's blatant use of the captives of war, as stated in your document, speaks a lot about GoI itself. It was already hinted at in the "Purpose" section that their eventual defeat was in the horizon and the rest of the document was discussing how badly they wanted to save "honor" by trying almost every method, which I believe was problematic (IN THE FLUFF, not your writing, which was actually good), and will lead us to:
The scene where the PTSD-afflicted soldier continually impaling the POW. This was the scene that struck me the most and left me kind of sad. It was also disturbing because of obvious reasons. Fighting for a losing side, not only demoralizes someone, but it also brought out something sinister from them. But most of all, the captive of war that ended up suffering the brunt of their captors' tantrums. I particularly get emotional when stuffs like these were discussed. Thinking about the captive, if they were liberated or rescued, whatever happens back there will somehow stay with them for a long time. It was much more of a sad sight than that of a demoralized trooper in the losing side. War brought the bad out of humans, sadly.
Was that a good point for me? Well, for me, you executed "fairly nicely" that scene instead of butchering it, which would definitely earn a downvote for me if it was the case, but the thing is you did not. However, it was not the basis whether I will leave an upvote for it.
Now, your draft had painted a very dark color on the GoI (and possibly, more articles about it), because it hinted at, as suggested by your draft, the weaponization of civilians in war even if there was a high chance that the Project could go wrong. And that "Uplifting public morale", it was eerily disturbing. This was the desperation I was talking about, the GoI's need to win.
However, it was not clearly stated as to what civilian they are going to weaponize, theirs or the enemy's? It also kinda bring confusing problems as to what the IJAMEA was trying to achieve here: uncoordinate masses to kill or using civilians as some kind of a force multiplier for them?
While the Project itself explored an "Astral Projection"-esque kind of process, I don't really get how they got its supposed effect? What it stated was their perception of the "raise" and that's it?
Nor the part that said "selected by occultists". I could theorize that the IJAMEA personnel who wrote this document was also uncertain as to the effects of their project, what it does, and how it was supposed to work?
It was also not clear what the ending was trying to convey. Maybe it was trying to convince me that out of those 600, there were like 30 "plainclothes civilian" who somehow managed to successfully jump out of their bodies and, hinted at by the ending statement, I could only guess that the 30 was trying to lead the Allied troops to the mainland of the territory controlled by IJAMEA?
I've got no problems with the "Assets" section, other than the fact that it was also disturbing because they are about to do something nasty again (obviously). It was dark, and I think you do not need to change anything about it.
In conclusion, I think you are going towards the right path, but as I hate to say it, something was still missing, mainly clear implications of how certain things led to one event to another (I'm talking about maybe a much more clearer "proponents" like maybe add something like a hypothetical guess from the perspective of one of the IJAMEA personnel, even if your desired outcome was different so that we, the readers, may have the slightest of idea of how it works before you twist the story to where it should be. And the ending too.).
Also the relationship between the Proponent, the objective of the Project and the Ending could not meet in one place.
If I would see this in the site as it is, there's a fair chance that I might leave an upvote while there was a high chance that I won't. If the author would address the concerns, then yes, I will.
