I may do my Crits and LBL a bit differently, especially on first go, I like to read it wand crit as I go along so that my feedback offers real time reader feedback and reaction.
Ok first off, LOVE the photo! And the concept of parts of it being the “bad” parts is novel to me.
Containment is *chef’s kiss* perfectly brief!
Same with description, clinical is great. Maybe include discovery in a separate line or header though.
OH hey! IMGUR! Come find me @jaykillbam love that site, this will read personally!
“in a house in Brisbane” reads a bit rough, maybe “house located near”
“prescheduled” – I don’t think this is needed.
“booked” > “and booked”
“Records show that previous resident…”
“individuals at the University can” >”could” keep the tense consistent
“uploading”>”uploaded” tense
Starting to feel like this may take place during Broken Masquerade, which I personally dig
So, when transitioning to dialogue I tend to eschew criticism on grammar and even spelling at times, because its how real people talk. So, don’t expect too much on that, but ill continue with Clinical, but it already seems like you have a solid grasp on that! But I continue….
I like the idea that “oranges and blacks make everything worse” maybe crosslink to the scp-001 page where that hazard is well yeah.. you know.
You can take out “believed to be… concussion.” – not really needed in the scope.
I like the introduction of “active zones’ if this isn’t an already established concept on main site, you REALLY have a novel idea here.
SCP-XXXX-6 “was found to be a digital…”
At this point I would almost classify Flagg as an SCP of Thaumiel class as he MAKES things the Foundation can use.
“So” > “So,”
The descriptions on the videos would be better if they read like researcher notes. This way you can also think of it more clinically.
I don’t think you need “Flagg:” each time, it can just be one block statement
“SCP-XXXX-57, a weak antimeme, is displayed on the screen as Flagg points to it for a few seconds.
SCP-XXXX-58 through SCP-XXXX-61, all information suppressants are visible in the background, but Flagg does not acknowledge them.” – I think this reads a little confusing, you haven’t define “information suppreseants”
“relearn” > “re-learn”
Honestly at this point its starting to drag a bit, maybe try to make the “videos” longer so that we cover more info per blurb
“before it does it” > “before it… does”
“Flagg spends 15 minutes describing the effects of several antimemetic instances of SCP-XXXX. Only five of the available instances are described during this segment and SCP-XXXX-95 is explained three times before the video concludes.” – okay that was nice, shows a deterioration.
Ok, it picked back up nice and fast, kudos, I was worried for a moment, maybe still trim though.
“void of knowledge” > can just be “a void”
Ending could really use more of an AH-HA moment.
Over all, engaging article, it does lag tho towards the end, and needs more of a moment for the reader, ya know?
The opening tho was YES!
Hope this helps!