No complaints with the Sea Pugilist Cybernetics section. Straight forward and to the point.
Two arms are made from beryllium bronze, the other limbs are made from aluminum, external casings consist of plastic, and are covered with a bluish-gray aramid fabric.
Bit of a run on here. Probably can start a new sentence after aluminum.
"Integrate" was used by the first two users, subsequent users were provided instructions with the alternative "Onboard" that seemed to also work just as effectively. Differences in outcome of installation based on activation command pending.
Ha. I felt it was worth mentioning that this did, in fact, get an out-loud laugh from me.
the cloring changing to match the owner's natural eye color.
cloring to coloring.
These prosthetics are not only as good as the original organic body parts, they are actually superior, as listed below.
Clunky. Maybe try: "These prosthetics not only meet the requirements of the missing limb, but in many ways surpass them as listed below:"
During one mission, two personnel, Joseph Michaels and Charlotte Sands, suffered identical injuries, both losing their left arms below the elbow. Determined to return to duty, they sought a solution to this problem resulting in contact with Anderson Robotics via the intermediary known as Marlin, Darter, and Carp. This transaction resulted in the personnel returning to the Center with SPC-2806-1 and SPC-2806-2. After demonstrating the effectiveness of the arms, Center Administration determined to make an order for additional advanced custom pieces to assist three additional personnel who had suffered much more severe injuries resulting in the remaining eighteen instances. All three personnel were restored to full functionality and then some and returned to full duty.
I feel you could make this more nimble:
"SPC-2806-1 and-2 were originally acquired from Marlin, Darter, and Carp by Agents Joseph Michaels and Charlotte Sands following both agents losing their left forearms in the line of duty." etc.
As is, this paragraph is really bogged down in exposition.
We appreciate your business. We believe we may be able to provide other products that may prove useful, for example our Aplomado models are good for security while Amur drones can help seek out targets, and the Merlin series that should meet your military needs. If you decide to invest in large fleets, the Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Drone is ideal for managing other units. We are also working on a new Laggar model specifically for aquatic military performance, with piscine locomotion to keep pace with and blend in with selachian targets. We look forward to your response if any of these models meet your needs, as we anticipate they will.
This is a pretty poor sales pitch given this letter tells literally nothing about the specifics of these models and reads fairly clunky. I'd argue that simply providing a listing of models recommended with the full name "Aplomado Series Facility Defense Units" "Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Droids" etc gets the same across, and would even imply more information was provided elsewhere.
