An SCP Idea

Hands of the torturous god - SCP idea

0Entity 15 Feb 2021 14:25

ATTENTION: This post has been updated to the new version of my SCP and its narrative.

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: four unbreakable & interminable chains that will target a random person on earth then fetch them to an area where a god entity will torture them for entertainment.

Central Narrative: (The Story is going to be said from the perspective of a Researcher assigned to the SCP) The god entity that tortures is an entity that rules over this universe and has and will protect us from dangerous threats such as SK and SCP-2317 (He once closed one of the SK passages to this universe - He held 2317 back from entering our realm before keshpeth¹ went and fought 2317 with his army). The Researcher will have interactions with an individual that has a vast knowledge of the entity, 2317 and SK, but he dies, and throughout the story, The Researcher tries to uncover the meaning of some craving on a wall in an area that the entity is contained in and slowly goes mad as the things she discovers along the way is too difficult for a human mind to understand. In the end, she will discover the meaning of the cravings before getting grabbed by the chains and becoming one of the victims.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: It is a Keter class object that is also Thaumiel to some degree. We expect the SCP to be a generic bad monster/god but in the end, we realize he isn't that much bad monster/god.

Additional Notes: I'm concerned about executing this in a Clinical Tone (I need improvement).

Footnotes

1. The person that fought SCP-2317 in the realm beyond clouds (SCP-2317-Prime)

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 19:36 by 0Entity Show more

Re: An SCP Idea

Dr Hajovsky 16 Feb 2021 00:57

Hi there 0Entity, let's take a look at your concept.

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Overall:
In all honestly, the concept in its current form doesn't interest me much. Since we don't see why the fetus wants to torture and extract blood from these people, it ends up feeling like gore for gore's sake. This isn't likely to succeed on the main site, as gore should be used as a narrative device or to add to the atmosphere. The idea of not being able to escape the chains has some big narrative potential if the chains are meant to symbolize something, but it doesn't look like that's the case. The individual parts of this concept feel disjointed too. The chains bring victims from all around the world for the fetus to extract blood, but it's only when the fetus doesn't get what it's after that it grows and chases the victim? The fact that the fetus stays small when it gets blood clots and grows when it doesn't just seems counter intuitive.

I feel that in order for this premise to work, we'd have to have some kind of interaction with the fetus in order to at least establish a motivation of some sort. However, this would be hard to work in with the borderline mindless killing machine narrative you have here.

Specific:

these 4 chains will target one random person on the earth at a time then extend & move until they reach the target.

Even though it's not directly stated, I'm assuming the chains somehow burrow through the ground to reach their target considering chains just extending along the ground would be pretty noticeable.

that invisible force seems to be a god-like fetus that is inside a small area under the hole in the chamber

God-like is an extremely vague term, and it's a good idea to be more specific, especially in your article. Simply calling it God-like gives us no idea of its actual anomalous properties. Even if your intention is to make the upper limit of its powers somewhat of a mystery, the powers still need to be defined in what they are. Does the fetus alter reality? Is it indestructible? Can it read minds? Etc.

several months of watching the SCP's victims getting tortured but having no emotions towards them & feeling safe because it is very unlikely for her to be one of its targets.

This seems like a poor set up for a character. Since we're going to be seeing many of the story's events through their eyes, we need to at least tolerate them or understand their psychology. Having your main character feel nothing at people people being tortured and feeling like they'll never be targeted only to be taken is more the road map for a quick joke than a satisfying narrative. Also, most people would at least feel something at the disappearances, and it certainly wouldn't be a feeling of impunity. While the Foundation as a whole is cold, the people in it aren't necessarily. However, I feel this could work if we learn at the end that the fetus was specifically targeting heartless individuals for some kind of blood ritual or cleansing. (This would of course be after some heavy foreshadowing)

If you have any questions or want me to do a follow up, feel free to contact me, as I might not see it otherwise. Good luck with your concept!

Re: An SCP Idea

Dr Hajovsky 21 Feb 2021 03:40

Summoned Back Via PM

(Importing PM message)

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The entity itself did not implement these rituals & chains, the past spellbinders (the same type of people that contained SCP-2317) did; The ritual of torturing is meant to keep the entity contained through entertainment

Thanks for clearing this up.

the chains are meant to symbolize the child's (entity) hands that reach out for toys (humans) to play with (entertainment through torture).

I was referring to a more abstract symbolism, but if this is presented well in a draft, then I can see it working well. This, along with some of your other clarifications play into a very Lovecraftian theme of monsters who see human beings as nothing more than playthings, which I think offers up some interesting narratives which I'll discuss in a bit.

The chains bring victims from all around the world for the fetus to extract blood, but it's only when the fetus doesn't get what it's after that it grows and chases the victim?

What would a child do if they can't play with the toy they want to play with? they either cry or get it by force.

I was just pointing out how it feels a little backwards that the entity grows when it doesn't get food. Now that you've made it more clear that it's quite literally a monstrous child, I think it works better.

the village members decided to make a sacrifice. a sacrifice that killed many of their men but saved many of us. they build the chamber and the chains so the sacrifice wouldn't just go right into death's hand, instead, get brought to it.

if one day, the chaotic god destroyed the entirety of the village, it wouldn't itself have to go into the real world to hunt and destroy everything on its way, instead the chains would bring the sacrifice for it.

I find it interesting how the villagers used the chains as a solution. It's clearly not a perfect one, as it doesn't stop the fetus, but it ensures that it will have a constant source of food and never rampage. I like that it's not a perfect solution, and thereby doesn't fall into the trope of 'The ancient people somehow knew exactly how to seal away this evil force for however long'.

While I like the new storyline you introduced with the villagers, I still personally like the perspective of the Foundation agent and think you should focus primarily on that. I think you could really exemplify the Lovecraftian themes by showing the Foundation agent feel paranoia and fear instead of apathy. This way, you could detail (through personal logs or a journal) the ways in which they try to avoid becoming the next victim. This would come to a terrifyingly resolute end when you have an addendum detailing the gruesome way in which the chains or the fetus finally come and drag them away despite all attempts to save them.

Re: An SCP Idea

Rockotheawesomepug 24 Feb 2021 19:56

I really like the idea of the SCP itself, although I am quite a bit confused. Why does this entity torture people for amusement? Why does it protects the earth when it tortures humanity? When was this entity discovered and how? There's several questions which need to be cleared up a bit in my personal opinion, but it is interesting overall.

Sorry if my feedback isn't great. I haven't done many critiques.

Re: An SCP Idea

Doctor Fullham 24 Feb 2021 23:47

[Crit request from IRC]

My thoughts

Okay, so, I see one huge issue with this immediately. This is your first article and it appears to be massive in scope, and include at least references to — if not rely on — incredibly popular, long-standing works such as 2317 and SK. None of this is breaking any rules, but these are things that are really hard for even experienced contributors to pull off at times, and new writers referencing established works can often be seen as trying to ride their coattails for recognition.

Also, the combined concepts of "God-like being plays with humanity for its own amusement" and "God-like being's actions are misunderstood and they're actually helping" are both things that have been explored really thoroughly both on the site and in fiction in general, so you have to take them in a really interesting direction to make it stand out.

Not every SCP has to be a world-ending threat. In fact, in my opinion, the world-ending threats are some of the least interesting things on the site — there is such a thing as the stakes being too high.

Honestly, although I don't necessarily see any problems within the idea itself, I can't really recommend pursuing it right now. I'd recommend starting with something smaller in scope that stands on its own, without referencing hugely popular SCPs. My first contribution was a huge undertaking, and it took more than a year before it was something I was satisfied with. The SCP format is already a challenge for a lot of people, and trying to do this much with it right off the bat is going to be a huge struggle.

My advice is to shelf this idea for now and start with something small. Get your feet wet and learn to swim before you go solo scuba diving into the ocean of SCP lore.