SCP-5XXX is contained in a standard humanoid cell located at Site-78's Euclid containment wing, furnished to include minor amenities as per request due to its continuous cooperative behavior.
This is a little long for my tastes and the second half reads weird. I'd split into two sentences and amend the second one to something like "SCP-5XXX's cell has been furnished to include several requested amenities due to its continuous cooperation with the Foundation."
It is sapient, and shown intelligence and capability of cognition and problem-solving on a level equivalent to that of an average human adult
Typo here. "and shown" should be "and has shown"
The entity's additional properties are triggered
I would probably refer to this as a secondary anomalous effect, or even just give it a designation like SCP-5XXX-1. This will tighten up future sentences that reference this event.
Its strength and speed seemingly enhances and it will immediately
This reads funny and the "seemingly" is moot. Try "Its physical abilities enhance and it will…"
In all cases of SCP-5XXX's abilities triggering, none had deemed successful in fully preventing the entity from finishing its task.
This reads horribly. Try instead something like "In all cases wherein SCP-5XXX's secondary effect has been triggered, efforts to stop SCP-5XXX proved unsuccessful."
Apart from the physical appearance and the additional properties listed above, SCP-5XXX does not display any other anomalous effects.
I always dislike lines like this. Like, duh. Of course the Foundation isn't gonna just half-ass it and list 3/4 of the properties. This adds nothing to the piece and could be cut with nothing lost.
It requires no sustenance nor any physical upkeep, and the Foundation considers it as good-natured and friendly, posing no signs of threat.
If you're taking my above suggestion, then use "SCP-5XXX" instead of the first "it". Also, the Foundation itself isn't regarding it as friendly, it's Foundation personnel who do so.
SCP-5XXX was discovered in the hands of a family located
"in the hands of" is poor clinical tone. Go for "in the possession of"
this interview, so to
Comma splice here.
Such a heroic name to be known worldwide as.
This makes sense but reads and sounds weird. I'd just nix the worldwide, but otherwise you could shuffle it a bit to something like "Such a brilliant name to be known as across the globe."
My goodness. Such a terrifying sight, especially for children like him. I'm surprised he managed to hold up after so long.
Whilst I can believe that the researcher would humour the anomaly, this is a step too far for me. This could very easily be taken as a provocative insult and the researcher should know to avoid potentially setting off the anomaly. I also think you comma spliced here again.
Alright then, I believe you.
Comma splice here.
given to him, so would that
Another comma splice here.
Yes, I was
This is either a splice or unnecessary. The way I read it, I think it should be "Yes I was."
It was, it truly
Comma splice.
I, am, fit.
I'm not sure about using commas here to indicate the pauses. Seems unnecessary.
It was like fate brought us with such a blessing.
Not sure what you were going for here, but this makes no sense.
But there was one small catch, I was ordered
Comma splice.
just in his room, that's all.
Comma splice.
Alright. I'm no longer going to point out comma splices. It's frequent enough that I'm beginning to think it's intentional. If it isn't, then you should read up on the comma. Put it this way: if a comma can be replaced by a full stop, then the comma shouldn't be there.
Alright, you seem to have no shame.
Cereal man is wrong here. This is less so the researcher being shameless and more so the researcher being untactful/insensitive.
excuse you breaking an entry.
I think you meant "breaking and entering."
old one two.
A dash might help here. "one-two"
Not right now, doc. As you can see, I'm very busy right now.
Try to avoid the double use of "right now".
happen to be even more stronger
I'm assuming this is intentionally wrong?
All personnel involved was inspected upon for any signs
This should be "All personnel involved were inspected for signs of…"
been accepted by Site Director [REDACTED].
This redaction is so unnecessary. Either tell us their name, or just say "accepted by the Site Director"
LBL tl;dr
You comma splice a lot and your phrasing is sometimes very awkward.
