SCP Idea: Pinular Gas

Summary:

A mysterious gas found in Jackson, Wyoming, that affects your entire body from your respiration outwards.

SCP Idea: Pinular Gas

DrSylvium 03 Dec 2020 13:30

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Page Layout (Optional): I don't really know how I would put this, so if you want to see the sandbox page just ask.

Elevator Pitch:
There's a gas that when inhaled causes negative affects on the victim.
*This gas slowly turns the victims into Wood.
*If the wood corpse of the victim has a piece remove, the piece removed will melt into a pile of skin-like material and blood that is classified as SCP-XXXX-2
*If the victim is taken to the desired area they have after inhalation, they will be free of the negative affects and mutate into SCP-XXXX-3.

Central Narrative: None at the moment, may have a new instance in the future.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The reason for this to stick out or to make it popular is for the following reasons:

• It may be the first SCP to be a gas that upon inhalation begins a transformation process
• After inhalation, the situation becomes life or death, as the subject must be transported to their desired location to survive.

Additional Notes: The last time I had posted, it ended up reaching -14 ratings, and that made me very disappointed in myself, so my goal is to make my SCP more likable.
Another goal of mine is to get some help with any grammar mess-ups on my article, as well as making the article's input more eloquent.

Last edited on 03 Dec 2020 13:54 by DrSylvium Show more

Re: SCP Idea: Pinular Gas

MrCrompsky 03 Dec 2020 16:47

(Not a greenlighter)
ITS TIME TO EDDDDIITT
You need to tell us where the gas came from, and maybe add a story from that. Right now, it’s extremely mysterious, (why does it exist at all?) why should the reader be compelled to finish the article? Well, you’ve got to make something more interesting than a “thing that does a thing.” For example, you could build a story about people using other people as fuel, blah blah blah. A source could also be effective, like “it comes from an animal that eats wood” But right now, all it is is gas. With an undefined source and unnecessary existence.

Last edited on 03 Dec 2020 18:50 by MrCrompsky Show more

JS Staff Post -- Forum Crit -- Info

KaraKatt 03 Dec 2020 16:55

Howdy hey MrCrompsky,

As per the site Criticism Policy, forum critique should be relatively in-depth. Please edit your post to give the author a clearer direction to follow and note how your suggestions will improve their material. If you are unsure about approaching a more in-depth critique, feel free to let an experienced reviewer respond first so your critique can build on theirs.

For more information on giving critique in the Ideas Critique forum, please look at this thread.

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Author,

I suggest reaching out to someone on the Butterfly Squad Roster to seek additional critique on your idea.

Thank you.

Forum Criticism Team - Staff Post

Naveil 03 Dec 2020 16:56

disregard

Last edited on 03 Dec 2020 16:56 by Naveil Show more

Re: SCP Idea: Pinular Gas

cybersqyd 04 Dec 2020 10:03

[+] Open for crit

There's a gas that when inhaled causes negative affects on the victim.

Are the negative effects just the wood thing?

If the victim is taken to the desired area they have after inhalation

I'm not sure what you mean here; are you implying that the gas causes everyone to like…desire to be somewhere? How would people know where that is?

they will be free of the negative affects and mutate into SCP-XXXX-3.

What is -3? You indicate later that 'the subject must be transported to their desired location to survive' but the -3 designation implies something else happens?

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Central Narrative: None at the moment, may have a new instance in the future.

This is one of the core issues with your idea: you have a complex transformation scp idea that feels a little over complex, but that can work as long as you do something to show why it's existence is interesting. For example, you have the whole idea of this being a life or death situation where you have to get the affected person to their desired location in time for them to survive, so it might be worth really trying to figure out a way to have someone put in that situation in the article, y'know? Though, the concern with that is it feels like it'd play out much as expected, so you'll also have to figure out how to subvert the expectations too.

It might be worth thinking about why/how the gas exists: like does it appear naturally? Could it be created in a lab? Is it a US government made chemical weapon? This doesn't necessarily need to be explained in article but it could be a great hook for a story because like…why it exists affects where it might turn up and in turn what the containment stakes are, y'know?