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Seeking Greenlight: Yes.
Page Type: SCP Article.
Genre: Mystery
Page Layout: Scp article with story elements
Elevator Pitch
central narrative:
The Discovery of this envelope was made: In the morning, Dr.[[REDACTED]] came into Site-?, and found the SCP-XXXX inside his binder in the morning thinking it was a prank from his colleagues Dr.[[REDACTED]] following a thorough check on security cameras showing the spontaneous appearance of SCP-XXXX shortly , after a check was made for more anomalous abilities resulting in no harmful abilities being detected.
The Discovery of SCP-XXXX was made after a Series of well-known charities were discovered to be hoaxes from an anonymous tip all belonging to one company.
The following message was in the envelope:
Every person I have met only cares about the benefits that help themselves never giving a second thought to others with this in mind though I believe the SCP foundation might be the only thing worth redemption so donate $10,000 US or your job is going to become harder.
Address: Charity in need.
Hook/Attention Grabber: The mystery to the envelope and the relation to charities.
Additional Notes: Discovery of the envelope was made after a Make A Wish Foundation was shown to be a hoax with all the videos made from the Make A Wish Foundation with each person in the video known to be actors.
When an individual goes to their nearest charity and donate the correct amount of money listed on the demand the money undergoes rapid combustion also charities created by the foundation, and charities created that do not use the money for its original purpose, it is unknown how SCP-XXXX is able to differentiate.
When the demand is not met on deadline there has been a notable increase in fake reports of anomalous phenomenon resulting in a waste of resources.
When a blackmail event happens it changes the amount according to the number of fake charities in the U.S that were shown to be hoaxes.1 charity=+$1,000
A full year of not meeting the demands made the stock market crash on February 20, 2020, the following cover-up was the COVID-19 being the cause. Michael Oliver was able to successfully predict the stock market crash who is currently under surveillance for being the potential creator of SCP-XXXX, after this event SCP-XXXX demanded 5.12456 XAU which was met on April 7, 2020, this ended the stock market crash.
Per the Required Reading:
the combined text for your answers to the last four sections (Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes) MAY NOT exceed 400 words. For convenience, authors can use this page to check wordcount: https://wordcounter.net/
Right now, you are 54 words over the limit. Once you have revised your post accordingly, please reach out to reviewers to request that they look at your thread. You can find example lists of contacts in the Required Reading thread linked above.
how do i reach out to reviewers ? do i private message them?
fluffal, instead of posting multiple comments in succession, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of every comment. That prevents spam buildup, and it's in the rules.
This thread should help you with finding reviewers, and yes, the best way to reach out to a reviewer is through PM (you can also opt for IRC chat): http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews
Okay so I have two big concerns here. The first is that narratively, it feels like this is very similar to SCP-4645 in style; down to the like, random blackmail claims and the unclear like, requirement for what the foundation should do.
The second is that this doesn't really go anywhere: you introduce the mystery of who is sending this and that the blackmail changes repeatedly but it doesn't go anywhere. Like, the foundation doesn't investigate who sent it, they don't really debate whether to accede to the demands, they don't refuse and have progressively worse things happen; so it just feels very…flat?
My advice: figure out how you can show why this is interesting. Figure out what the narrative arc of this is.
oh I am sorry I didn't realize somebody else already did the idea is there a possible way I can make it different enough to that? also for the second concern I kinda had to cut it out.Would it make it interesting enough if I made it so it so each time it teleports it gives a random negative feeling but each time it gets more potent to the point they use the email and some stuff happens after that ?
I would suggest reading the SCP article Cybersquid linked above and seeing how you could possibly differentiate, as I was going to make a similar point.
This does seem very similar but without the comedic bits.
Moreover, blackmail with threatening to release secret info but not proving what info that is right from the jump wouldn’t seem super threatening
i have already read it i am sorry if this counts as spam its just I am almost going to hit my 400 word limit and I don't know what to get rid of
i am sorry if this counts as spam
No, you’re good! :)
its just I am almost going to hit my 400 word limit and I don't know what to get rid of
If you are having trouble summarizing your material, please consider looking through this thread for assistance: http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13369776/how-do-i-remain-brief-when-writing-an-scp-concept
You know what's really creepy? Real-world extortionists. A friend had his Bitcoin wallet dust attacked, like a million bucks on the address. OP_Return message: I see you. Reads like an SCP. this is real life. Anyone can be exposed on the internet, which is frightening. So why do these perpetrators have to be ET? ET raised more questions than it answers, in a not great, sort of cliched way, while mystery about these incidences may be more effective.
huh?i am just making it so there is a chance it could be extraterrestrial not that it is I cant change the title so eh what incidents?are you sure you are talking about my idea?
He's just suggesting that perhaps removing any implications of extraterrestrialism and perhaps just resorting to implying that the blackmail is sourced from a grounded source, to add more relatability with the reader, thus, making it scary. I do agree, getting extorted, or just simply doxxed online, is horrible, and perhaps one of the genuinely scary things I have experienced, at least for me.
Posted in wrong thread, my bad lol
lol, that's fine but I don't understand how am I implying that it's ED ? it's only the title and I cant change it sadly ok I revised my idea I think I took out the words that might of made it ED please read it again if you still think it portrays ED wait nvm i figured out how to change the title
Got a PM about this, took a look. As a general note, your concept post has a lot of simple errors like missing punctuation and run-on sentences. This automatically makes me as a reviewer hesitant to want to give a greenlight, as I am uncertain as to whether the draft would be written to the expected clinical tone standards for the mainsite.
So far as content goes, I'm not a fan of the premise since it relies heavily on a compulsion effect, which is one of the oldest anomalous shortcuts on the site. As a general note, the "it makes you crazy/act a very specific way" approach isn't particularly interesting on its own anymore, given how many times SCPs with that effect have been written. Take a look at the articles tagged with "compulsion". Typically, an SCP object's effect forcing someone to do something tends to come off as a lazy or contrived narrative, since there's more genuine tension if there's a struggle involved, and/or if the people instead act of their own volition rather than just because the author needs them to for the story to work. Consider reading through the further discussion on the narrative issues of compulsion and addiction effects.
The details about the anomaly are also kind of strange. The phrasing of "all sentient organisms", for example. Dogs, cats, and even lobsters are considered sentient. I presume none of them can donate though? Also, the "go to your nearest charity" bit doesn't quite make sense since not all charity organizations have easily accessible buildings (some charities set up donation drop boxes for things like used clothes and toys, and others have someone with a desk and box sitting in front of a grocery store). The fact that the type of money rarely changes implies that the anomaly is solely affecting countries that use the US dollar/people who have access to US money. Why? In general, the details surrounding the setup seem rather random, rather than supported by an in-universe reason.
Overall though… my main question here is "why does this happen?" The anomalous blackmail is creepy, sure, but to someone who can spare $10 and the time/energy to make a trip to drop if off, this is just a weird, potentially annoying detour in their regular daily life. The threatening note about the coma just feels, again, predictable: SCPs don't need to be dangerous to be successful.
The hook of "the secret is mysterious" admittedly feels a little lazy to me. It also leads to the question, "what if someone doesn't have any secrets, or doesn't care if their secrets are revealed?"
I feel like for this to be workable, you'd need to do a lot of revisions. For me to be more likely to enjoy the premise, I'd need to know:
Ideally the answers to these questions would work well within the context of an overarching story, rather than just a collection of information bits thrown together conflictingly.
We definitely already have a lot of exchange-based articles on the site (you can use the Tag Search tool to find them). What will make yours unique and memorable?
i am sorry its just that I hit my 400-word limit so I couldn't add some of the things I wanted to sadly I haven't figured out what I could get rid of thanks for the critique just thought that it would be kinda worthless if it was only demanded I used to have answers for all of those questions but I had to get rid of them since the 400 character limit if you have any suggestions on what I could get rid of that would be awesome
i am sorry its just that I hit my 400-word limit so I couldn't add some of the things I wanted to
I used to have answers for all of those questions but I had to get rid of them since the 400 character limit
For advice on how to remain brief when presenting a concept, see this thread: http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13369776/how-do-i-remain-brief-when-writing-an-scp-concept
if you have any suggestions on what I could get rid of that would be awesome
Remove the entirety of the blackmail note text (just summarize the message), and slim down the minutiae details about the effects. Again though, the individual effects don't really mesh well, so you might be better off removing some of the effects entirely rather than having to use a complicated set of explanations to attempt to justify the convoluted setup.
yeah they already told me that and I did read it do you think I should get rid of the negative feelings thing? hey can you check if there is anything else I could delete there is the possible cause the materialization of the envelope
do you think I should get rid of the negative feelings thing?
Yes. In my response above, the paragraph starting with "So far as content goes, I'm not a fan of the premise since it relies heavily on a compulsion effect" covers why I don't think that effect helps your piece.
hey can you check if there is anything else I could delete there is the possible cause the materialization of the envelope
I'll be honest, right now it looks like you're focusing on the smaller details that don't really matter than much (envelope materialization) without addressing the bigger issues that are the more major roadblock to your concept being workable.
So far the revisions don't really address what I mentioned previously; in fact the premise is worse than the previous iteration because you've introduced more severe and overpowered effects that don't make sense. It's still unclear why the blackmail setup operates the way it does (did you take into account fraudulent charities? Redundant charities? Legitimate charities with leaders who embezzle money?). Additionally, the anomaly forcing people to give up what they have to the point where they beg for money and steal items to donate causes more problems, which ironically many charities try to prevent.
I think you might want to take a break from this idea for a little while and come back to it with fresh eyes. The recent edits you've made admittedly seem haphazard and not well thought-out.
Also, out of curiosity, have you read many Series V and Series VI SCP articles? The approach you're using here looks like it takes inspiration from Series I articles, which aren't usually the best example of current site expectations for quality and content.
well, idrk if I have since I usually just use the random SCP option to look at scps I just wanted to make it more dangerous i don't just want to take a break from it if I do it would probably get deleted or something
why is this blackmail scheme happening to begin with?
why does the blackmail scheme operate the way it does?
where does the money go?
how would the Foundation find out about the anomaly in the first place?
i was focusing on answering these questions which i did answer maybe not the second one since i don't really know what you meant .
how long of a break?a day?
if it doesn't have any strong effects then what does it do?just a envelope that can be left alone with and nothing happens?
I just wanted to make it more dangerous
As stated in my previous post, SCPs don't need to be dangerous to be successful. In fact, the mainsite already has so many dangerous anomalies that it's now very difficult to write a harmful item successfully.
i don't just want to take a break from it if I do it would probably get deleted or something
Staff only delete threads that contain severe rulebreaking material. We don't delete threads for being too old.
i was focusing on answering these questions which i did answer maybe not the second one since i don't really know what you meant .
Then you need to ask for clarification from the reviewer, rather than just ignoring the question.
how long of a break?a day?
Don't think of the break in terms of time, think of it in terms of skill building and understanding. You're not going to automatically be able to improve your concept if you just wait an arbitrary amount of time. What I would recommend is looking up successful articles from recent series (try Series IV through VI) that are similar to what you have, and read through the discussion pages pertaining to those articles to better understand what readers find interesting and what their expectations are for a quality article.
if it doesn't have any strong effects then what does it do?just a envelope that can be left alone with and nothing happens?
I'm not going to write the article for you. You need to think of a new effect yourself. Keep in mind that "remove the overpowered strong effects" doesn't mean "it can't have any effects at all".
