Screening for and deletion of SCP-XXXX footage on video sharing sites is to be performed in order to reduce potential RED-SKY Events.
This sentence is unnecessarily clunky. Would advise a rewrite to something clearer:
“Foundation webcrawlers are to screen for and delete footage of SCP-xxxx on video-sharing sites to reduce potential RED-SKY events”.
dermal transponder implant
Give us context to understand the anomaly better. Add a footnote or something.
The conprocs are supposed to hint at the anomaly and its dangers. Right now, the only hints I’m getting is that it shouldn’t be looked at and it causes wide-scale events. Notice you haven’t provided sufficient clues as to what happens when we actually look at it..
SCP-XXXX is a series of videos containing footage
This seems to contradict your original description in the conprocs, which hint at footage of SCP-xxxx. If SCP-xxxx are the videos themselves, then you would need to rework the phrasing above. For e.g. “SCP-XXXX footage on video sharing sites” should be changed to “SCP-XXXX on video sharing sites”, because SCP-xxxx are the videos themselves.
Personally, I’m not sure why SCP-xxxx are the videos, when it could refer directly to the phenomenon itself? But let me read on first.
These primarily evoke feelings of calm and a sense of nostalgia in viewers.
You see, you need to be clear here: what does “these” refer to? Is it the videos themselves or the clouds?
On a separate note, this isn’t particularly anomalous. Most people feel calm and nostalgic when looking at clouds? So I don’t see what the issue is.
an inherent risk for a RED-SKY Event
This is the second time you’re including a foreign term without context or explanation. The first time intrigues, the second time should be further explained. Give us a clue as to what these events are, why they’re considered dangerous etc, especially since your original description isn’t anomalous to begin with.
RED-SKY EVENTS — LEVEL 3/XXXX CLEARANCE REQUIRED
Don’t hide critical information about the scip behind a collapsible.
Upon entering REM sleep, the subject begins to dream from the point of view of the SCP-XXXX footage to which they were exposed.
Sorry, but I don’t understand this. So basically, they’re reliving the memory of the person who took the video? I think this can be better phrased for clarity.
The subject’s consciousness begins to ascend without any feeling of force initiating or resisting the movement.
This is also very vague. What does “ascend” mean? How does a consciousness ascend? If you mean physically be lifted into the sky, then say so.
After reaching a variable altitude, the subject will awaken at the position that they arrived to during their dream and begin to fall under the now present effect of gravity.
You need to be clearer in this segment. So the subject wakes up in the sky? Break the sentence up and add more detail. Distinguish between “subject” and “persona within the footage”.
Notice at this point I still don’t know what RED-SKY events signify.
D-4982: The clouds look like blades cutting off the day, making way for the moon and stars to light up the world. The sun hanging on as long as it can and leaving its mark on the sky.
I highly doubt a D-class would speak like this. I would opt for a more clinical tone. Describe the video in a matter-of-fact manner. This goes for the other parts of the D-class description.
D-4982: Hey guys, I, um, I'm starting to feel okay. I'm sorry about before. It's actually pretty soothing up here. Everything looks so small, so far away. How long is this going to last?
A person who is about to die won’t remain this calm, no matter who or what assurances he’s given. He has no parachute and he’s teleported from a position of calm: he’d be in shock and unable to reason. As a result, I feel the large majority of this log is redundant. If you want him to feel regret, only have that towards the end.
Further testing is planned in order to understand the extraneous voices heard during RED-SKY Events.
This, on the other hand, could deserve its own testing log. You seem to hint at greater forces at play, but without conclusive evidence, the article is left hanging. The anomaly is just videos of clouds which transports you to the clouds and kills you. Why does this happen?
