SEEKING GREENLIGHT (Nostalgic Brain Poppy) REWRITTEN

Summary:

[thread locked, repeat]

SEEKING GREENLIGHT (Nostalgic Brain Poppy) REWRITTEN

Doctor Kaze 30 Sep 2020 00:36

Seeking Greenlight: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Pitch: SCP-XXXX is a cognitohazard triggered seed that is formed from a mutation of the hippocampus of young children whenever they form a memory that could be considered nostalgic in their future lives. When people converse about nostalgia, in person or online, it activates the seed and causes germination. The affected will unknowingly try to spread germination of SCP-XXXX into others in person or online. As the flower grows it causes the subject to seek nostalgia based satisfaction further.

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When SCP-XXXX fully blooms it looks like a California Poppy, the victim will start obsessively participating in nostalgic activities, as the roots have enveloped its victims mind, they begin enveloping the spine and the affected puts the most effort into spreading SCP-XXXX germination. After two weeks, the roots will have fully encased its victim's spine and started to extend to different arears of the body. Victims will have also stopped sleeping in favor of continuing nostalgic activities. At this stage affected will put less effort into trying to trigger SCP-XXXX germination in others. After one month of hosting SCP-XXXX, the roots will have wrapped around its victims neurons, giving itself full control of its victims nervous system. At this stage the affected putting zero effort into activating SCP-XXXX in others in favor of only participating in nostalgic activities.

Bearing a fully bloomed SCP-XXXX for one month causes the roots to fully access the victim's entire body and the victim will become brain dead, only able to experience nostalgia and feelings of dopamine. The affected will focus so much on nostalgic activity their physical health will decay and eventually the body will decompose so far that SCP-XXXX will no longer be able to receive dopamine and the SCP-XXXX poppy will wilt.

SCP-XXXX is contained through elimination of those affected, deletion of posts discussing discussing it online, and by forcing medical professionals to swear to silence or be terminated. Those who saw others experience die due to SCP-XXXX but were not affected themselves are given amnestics to completely forget the ordeal.

Central Narrative: The narrative will revolve around a Foundation researcher who believes a D-Class has an active SCP-XXXX but as it unfolds you realize the researcher is the actual one who is activated.

Hook: A twisted take on the common and somewhat addictive nostalgia many people have been indulging in over the past few years.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. Also, I'm locking this thread as it's a repeat. ~Zyn

Last edited on 30 Sep 2020 05:15 by Zyn Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Truc Linh 30 Sep 2020 01:01

Doctor Kaze, per the required forum guidelines found here: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas

The combined text of the last four sections¹of the template may not exceed 400 words.

What you currently have is about 340 words over the limit. For future reference, you can check wordcount using this site: https://wordcounter.net/

Please edit and trim your post accordingly rather than creating a new thread, and if you are having trouble editing, click the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of your post. Please feel free to then reach out to a reviewer for your concept: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

Adding on, noting that this is a duplicate thread of this: http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13770076/seeking-greenlight-nostalgic-brain-poppy#post-4784641

Per the forum guidelines:

Do not create a new thread for a concept already on the forum, unless the current thread has not been posted on in 14 days or longer.

This is to help prevent flooding of the forums, and because it would make it less difficult for you and reviewers to keep track of posted content if it were all in one thread.

Instead of waiting and opting for a repost due to the thread getting buried, authors are encouraged to reach out to reviewers. I already linked it above.

Footnotes

1. Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes.

Last edited on 30 Sep 2020 01:18 by Truc Linh Show more

Re: SEEKING GREENLIGHT (Nostalgic Brain Poppy) REWRITTEN

Marcelles_Raynes 30 Sep 2020 01:06

On behalf of the Team of the Oinks, I will be taking a look at this piece! (Also summoned via IRC)

Let's dive in, shall we?

So, it looks like you've got a solid handle on your anomaly through and through. Having read this entire post, I've gotten some very solid, powerful, and very creepy imagery in my mind about decaying corpses playing in the trees they used to climb as children, or walking through parks their parents walked them through. The threat of the nostalgia poppies is also very real, given that everyone in real life has experienced nostalgia at some point in their adult lives. Tying your anomaly into a real feeling was a very good choice.

However, the central narrative here feels a bit weak. You have a good grasp on the anomaly, but what is the actual story you plan to tell with it? Your Central Narrative seems to sum up what the anomaly does, given the chance to germinate, but we have no characters to feel for, no stakes to fret over! This is what is missing from your piece, honestly.

I would advise you on being careful in your approach to how you express the nostalgia the characters are feeling. Perhaps make them nostalgic about something real that many readers on the site would relate to (say your first Pokemon game for example). This way we can better empathize with the characters and, in essence, unknowingly put ourselves in the same danger the characters have found themselves in. You can take this piece to the meta without going over the top, does that make sense?

In short, you need to add a narrative to this. Give us someone to root for or feel sad for. Make the anomaly feel real by making the character become affected by something we can relate to! That is all I've got for you. Good luck!

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~ M.D.R.