Multiverse Transciever

Summary:

seeking critiques and greenlight.

Multiverse Transciever

ITB 28 Sep 2020 18:08

**Seeking Greenlights: ** Yes

**Page Type: ** SCP Article

**Genre (Optional): ** SUSPENSE

**Page Layout (Optional): SCP ARTICLE

**Elevator Pitch: ** An expelled doctoral student is recruited into the SCP foundation, after trying to publish a piece of theoretical work, The ability to communicate with various universes other than our own. He achieves this by manipulating gravitational waves that permeate our space-time as a means of generating messages. Naturally the Foundation wants to use this technology to communicate with other foundations, after successfully building the Transceiver the student discovers a frightening truth about the foundation.

**Central Narrative: ** the story follows Dr. Janus Simul, after being expelled from school for embezzling grant money to fund his unapproved doctoral thesis, he is met by a Foundation Recuiter who believes in his ideas and wants to hire him. Janus is unsure and ask for time to think about the decision, during this time Janus parents die in an accident, with no family left Janus signs on to the foundation. Janus completes the Transceiver and makes contact with a different universe who tells him not to trust the foundation, Janus now finds himself trying to keep himself from being terminated while he digs through the secrets of the Foundation.

**Hook/Attention-Grabber: ** I like the idea that the foundation is not this compassionate, seemingly omnipotent organization, They have a goal. I want to entertain the idea of following the personal story of someone they have chosen to be apart of their organization, and the lengths that the foundation will go to for their own interests and how that affects that person.

**Additional Notes: *This would be my first SCP, so I would enjoy hearing some constructive criticism.

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Make it as scary as possible

Re: Multiverse Transciever

Marcelles_Raynes 28 Sep 2020 19:29

On behalf of the Team of the Oinks, I will be taking a look at this post!

Let's dive in, shall we?

The idea behind this is actually pretty interesting, honestly, but there are parts of the narrative that are a bit contrived in my opinion. For one, why do Dr. Simul's parents have to die in order for him to be willing to join up with the Foundation? I can understand if the doctor was close to their parents, but even then I kind of find that motivation to be… unbelievable. Not so much as it wouldn't happen (and I believe that someone would sign up for the Foundation if they had nowhere left to turn), but this motivation seems more akin to something in a superhero movie. If you want to make the parent's death impactful, you need to be sure that you establish the relationship between Dr. Simul and them as something wholesome. That way when they die, we can understand and empathize with him better.

Now, my other issue is this: Why would the Foundation hire someone who was not only kicked out of college (assuming they have yet to complete their doctorate) but expelled for embezzlement? Surely they would have been able to figure out why Simul was expelled, and, given the amount of wealth, power, and anomalous artifacts they have at their disposal, opted not to hire him. I would suggest already having Simul a member of the Foundation (although a scientist going mad is also a fairly used trope here).

Now, there is a lot of interest to be generated with the alternate Foundations essentially working against our Foundation. This is a very neat twist on the whole alternate universe Foundations that already exist on the site, and I would like to see what you do with this!

That's all I've got for you right now. Good luck!

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~ M.D.R.

Re: Multiverse Transciever

ITB 28 Sep 2020 20:31

Thanks that was very insightful,

+Open

Looking at it now, I can understand how The death of his Parents don't really add to much to the story that I'm trying to convey, and will probably cut it out entirely. As to why I felt the death of the parents was justified, I wanted to create a sense of hopelessness in Dr. Simuls career, forcing him into acting on the foundations offer. I will probably use the Embezzlement as the main driving force for this feeling.

As for The reason for his embezzlement, Janus' was denied funding into research over the Transceiver on the grounds that it's to "outrageous" and "would never work". he later is approved for another Project separate from his original idea. He would then use this money to fund research into The Transceiver, in no time both the school and his professor catch on which leads to his inevitable expulsion. The Foundation who I believe has a vested interest in being able to communicate across the multiverse, would see how desperate of a situation Janus is in after essentially ruining his career and offer him employment.

and as for your last part, I had always intended the narrative of this SCP to be Janus against the Foundation and not so much other Foundations against the our foundation. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear in my original post, but also curious into what part lead you to believe this.

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Make it as scary as possible