An equilibrium that must be kept

Summary:

A big ball of energy that wants more energy.

An equilibrium that must be kept

Kayexe 27 Sep 2020 22:34

Seeking Greenlights: Yes.

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Mystery/Cosmic horror

Page Layout (Optional): I plan on starting from the bottom, then getting to the bigger things.

Elevator Pitch: A big ball of energy that eats energy from other universes.
Central Narrative: A ball of kinetic energy that deploys small balls of kinetic and potential energy to harvest more kinetic energy. Separating them will cause an electromagnetic field to slowly expand and will eventually devour every organic thing in the universe. There is no way to stop an event like this from happening, and the only way the Foundation stopped it the first time was because the electromagnets had just activated.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The magnetic field will transport you to pocket dimension in which you will never die, but you are falling infinitely down a hole so the entity can harvest your kinetic energy.

Additional Notes: I am actually unsure if I have my "clinical tone" on point, and I am also concerned if my scp is consistent in terms of description.

Re: An equilibrium that must be kept

KaraKatt 28 Sep 2020 02:09

[Placeholder o' Doom!!! Will crit within 24 hours]

Howdy hey! I'm KaraKatt and I'll be dropping a little bit of crit today!

+ Line by line and general thoughts.

Questions I Have While Reading Through

A big ball of energy that eats energy from other universes.

So… Like a black hole?

A ball of kinetic energy that deploys small balls of kinetic and potential energy to harvest more kinetic energy. Separating them will cause an electromagnetic field to slowly expand and will eventually devour every organic thing in the universe. There is no way to stop an event like this from happening, and the only way the Foundation stopped it the first time was because the electromagnets had just activated.

This is… not a narrative. This is just more information on it.

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Final notes

Hmm, this could be very interesting, but right now there just isn't much here. You need a story, and right now this feels like an unstoppable murder device, which can get boring really quick. A story will help hold this up beyond just the murder thing.

Good luck!

Last edited on 28 Sep 2020 03:57 by KaraKatt Show more

Re: An equilibrium that must be kept

Marcelles_Raynes 28 Sep 2020 02:14

On behalf of the team of the Oinks, I will be taking a look at this post!

Let's dive in, shall we?

So, the idea behind this is kind of interesting, but I feel like you haven't done enough with it as you could have. The stakes are definitely high, and the idea of some malicious entity sustaining itself off one's perpetual kinetic energy is a very horrifying thought. However, the story being presented here is not very, well, present. I can see what you want to do, but there doesn't appear to be any proper plan in place here.

Who are the characters that will appear in this article? How will you make us care about said characters, and how will you introduce the stakes in a way that makes the narrative compelling?
The real issue here is the lack of narrative depth, and answering some of the questions I've proposed to you will hopefully alleviate that that issue for you!

That's all I've got for you. Good luck!

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~ M.D.R.