A Mirror's Reflection

A Mirror's Reflection

Researcher Omicron 26 Sep 2020 02:37

Seeking Greenlights: Yes.

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Horror

Elevator Pitch: SCP-XXXX looks like a regular male that is covered in dirty shards of glass, each shard stabbing farther into his skin yet he feels no pain and doesn't slow down, he is an entity that manifests in mirrors most commonly mirrors capable of reflecting at least 55% of the regular man's size, it is incapable of going into small handheld mirrors, if a subject is looking at the mirror while it is present its reflection will be consumed when the subject's reflection is fully consumed they will be immobilized and their survival entirely depends on the mirror, if it breaks, they break, if it remains, the subject remains, if the subject is removed from proximity of the mirror they will die, but if brought back in proximity they will be revived, the immobilization will disappear within 2-3 months, when the effect is over they will lose their reflection forever but live a normal life.

Central Narrative: SCP-XXXX was first discovered when a High School prom was taking place, a teenage male went to the bathroom, after he finished washing his hands he looked up at the mirror, he saw SCP-XXXX beginning to devour his reflection, soon after when other people went to check up on him he was discovered standing still looking at the mirror without a reflection, he was carried away to the hospital but unfortunately had died the second he was out of the proximity of the mirror, when he was brought back in the proximity of the mirror he had regained a pulse, when they went out of proximity his vitals flatlined, after hearing about this The Foundation began to investigate, when The Foundation arrived they searched the school and discovered that a mirror that wasn't working right, it didn't reflect anything besides the room, after they tested the theory that he needs to be near the school they discovered they were correct, so they kept him there and after a few months hope was lost, but then he started moving again and returned to his family after being questioned by The Foundation and receiving Amnestics.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: This SCP is unique primarily because of the fact it only is present in mirrors and unlike most, it will vanish if unable to attack one subject, and unlike most the victim can be revived after dying.

Additional Notes:

• SCP-XXXX can only move after at least 2 hours.

Last edited on 28 Sep 2020 14:41 by Researcher Omicron Show more

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

YellowISlol 26 Sep 2020 04:31

[Placeholder, have a review, but site glitched and I'm tired, will rewrite in morning]

Heyo, it's yellow, and ima be dropping a crit today

Okay, right away, it's confusing what happens after they survive 2-3 months in the mirror. Do they just, reappear? If so, how? Beyond that, your central narrative is strange, part of it is just elevator pitch. The parts that are understandable are weak in narrative.

Overall, this piece needs a lot of work. You give some specific variables, but other things just happen? Narrative is weak, and it seems like a somewhat boring read. This needs some definite exposition in narrative.

Good luck and happy writing. Shoot me a PM for a re-review

~Yellow

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~~~🐜Ant boi baby🐜~~~

Last edited on 26 Sep 2020 18:36 by YellowISlol Show more

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

Researcher Omicron 26 Sep 2020 19:28

Thanks for the review, I fixed some things to better explain it, but I am not quite sure what you were talking about for the other things.

Last edited on 26 Sep 2020 19:28 by Researcher Omicron Show more

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

YellowISlol 26 Sep 2020 20:01

Okay, I'm back to leave a more detailed explanation of what I saw unfit.

Your narrative isn't a narrative because it doesn't tell any story. To be brief, a story is effectively the origin of the object, the discovery, and how the foundation interacts with the object. Imagine a computer that causes a random effect to occur in our universe near the laptop whenever any letter is typed. This narrative of this object could be, "The laptop was recovered in the wreckage of an old apartment complex, in an unused room on the 6th floor. The laptop seems to have originally have been normal, until it was used in [insert ritual of some kind]." After this, a couple of test logs could ensue, under very strict conditions, in order to develop an understanding for this anomalous object. Quick note, please don't use this narrative type, it is top of head kind and is bad. For developing your narrative, attempt to make it have be coherent in the objects properties. For example, a coffee mug which always has coffee would more likely originate in a coffee shop and not WW2.

Specific variables. You give plenty of information on percentages of viewing and estimated time till removal of the mirror, which is good, as it would be something they would test. However, my biggest problem with variables before was your lack of timing for specific things. How long does it take for people to reappear? Beyond that, when reading through, there were points where the so called entity in the mirror seemed unnecessary. Since this is just the idea concept, don't include every detail, but add some exposition. You have words you can still use.

This object likely has a story to tell, and numbers to provide. Those are the points you can work on.

Good luck and happy writing. Once more, PM if needed.

~Yellow

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~~~🐜Ant boi baby🐜~~~

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

YellowISlol 28 Sep 2020 03:01

[[Placeholder from PM, will crit tmrw]]

Right away, similar to what cybersqyd said, the lack of foundation involvement is a glaring issue. What does the foundation do with this object. For example, attempts at an interview might be apparent. Honestly, test logs work to. Like for example, due chimpanzees and stuff, animals similar to humans, get affected by the mirrors effect?

Majority of points to address were already stated by cybersqyd, so I’m gonna leave you here. Take it to heart, and if needed, shoot me another PM. I’m always willing to recrit

~Yellow

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~~~🐜Ant boi baby🐜~~~

Last edited on 28 Sep 2020 22:44 by YellowISlol Show more

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

cybersqyd 28 Sep 2020 08:52

Yeah, I'm really not feeling this idea at all. The central problem here is that your narrative doesn't feature the Foundation and is barely a narrative; but also that your anomaly feels too much like a kinda generic murder monster with the technicality that it only sort of murders folk.

The problem with the narrative not really featuring the Foundation is that whole 'SCP article' thing means the story has to be told from their perspective: by focussing on what happened before they got involved as you have here, and by focussing on the kinda, half conflict between the person and the monster, you're forcing yourself to try and tell this in a second hand way: the article is at best summarising what other people have experienced and distanced from any emotional impact as a result.

My advice is to figure out how to get the Foundation involved in figuring out what's going on here: this seems like it could work best as a mystery centred around a person who's not quite dead but not quite alive either and who feels almost more like a doll than a real person; and then gradually figure out there's something weird going on with the mirrors and that's why this is happening. The only concern there would be the reveal of there being a monster in the mirror has to feel impactful and it might not land right: perhaps stripping it back and just having something like 'they got lost in the mirror' might work better? You may want to play with this a little.

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

Pedagon 29 Sep 2020 03:04

Hey Researcher Omicron!

Pedagon here from the Team of the Oinks! I'm here to be your critter summoned by pm!!

+ Pig Critique

Elevator Pitch: SCP-XXXX looks like a regular male that is covered in dirty shards of glass. Each shard stabs further into his skin yet he feels no pain and doesn't slow down. He is an entity that manifests in mirrors; most commonly mirrors capable of reflecting at least 55% of the regular man's size. It is incapable of going into small handheld mirrors. If a subject is looking at the mirror while it is present, its reflection will be consumed. When the subject's reflection is fully consumed, they will be immobilized and their survival entirely depends on the mirror. If it breaks, they break. If it remains, the subject remains. If the subject is removed from proximity of the mirror, they will die. But if brought back in proximity they will be revived. The immobilization will disappear within 2-3 months. When the effect is over, they will lose their reflection forever but live a normal life.

Alright. This is a lot of detail to go through so I am going to give you a warning: if you have branching pathways, I am going to ask why.
Why does the SCP look like that? What is the backstory behind this entity? How does the Foundation know that he feels no pain? What do you mean by "doesn't slow down"?
Why does the mirror need to be a specific size? Why doesn't it manifest in smaller mirrors? Why does the subject need to be looking at the mirror to be consumed? Why does their survival depend on the mirror and not the entity? What do you mean by "they break"? What do you mean by "they remain"? Why does bringing them back to the mirror revive them? Why does the immobilization last for 2-3 months and not shorter and not longer? What happens if they starve while immobilized? What happens if they die on their own while immobilized? What if the mirror is moved or gets obscured? Just a lot of Why and what happens in the cases not mentioned directly.

Central Narrative: SCP-XXXX was first discovered when a High School prom was taking place and a teenage male went to the bathroom. After he finished washing his hands, he looked up at the mirror and saw SCP-XXXX beginning to devour his reflection. Soon after, when other people went to check up on him, he was discovered standing still looking at the mirror without a reflection. He was carried away to the hospital but unfortunately had died the second he was out of the proximity of the mirror.

Discovery at a prom is a fine idea! I like this focus on the humans involved rather than the mirror creature. But this is a lot of insight into the events that the person went through. How are you planning to put this in your article and make it interesting for the reader? This part is interesting and feels like a horror story or at least a short horrow story from the guy's perspective.

When he was brought back in the proximity of the mirror he had regained a pulse. when they went out of proximity, his vitals flatlined. after hearing about this, The Foundation began to investigate. When The Foundation arrived they searched the school and discovered a mirror that wasn't working right; it didn't reflect anything besides the room. After they tested the theory that he needs to be near the school, they discovered they were correct. they kept him there and, after a few months, hope was lost. but then he started moving again and returned to his family after being questioned by The Foundation and receiving Amnestics.

Why did they think bringing him back would work? How will this occur in your article? What do you intend to do to include this detail? What do you mean by "hope was lost"? Why did they keep him at the mirror instead of trying other things? Your pitch made it sound like the person was back to normal once they are revived by the mirror, right?

Buds:
You have the makings of a classic teen horror story here but it needs to figure itself out a bit first. The pieces of it that I really clung to are the following:

SCP-XXXX was first discovered when a High School prom was taking place and a teenage male went to the bathroom. After he finished washing his hands, he looked up at the mirror and saw SCP-XXXX beginning to devour his reflection. Soon after, when other people went to check up on him, he was discovered standing still looking at the mirror without a reflection. He was carried away to the hospital but unfortunately had died the second he was out of the proximity of the mirror.

he started moving again and returned to his family after being questioned by The Foundation and receiving Amnestics.

When the effect is over, they will lose their reflection forever but live a normal life.

These are the roses and strengths that I think could make your article very interesting if you choose to explore them. If you do, I recommend you check out the entry for SCP-1471 and the subsequent Capone. These will show you an effective way of writing an SCP with the perspective of a victim that now lives a normal, but still anomalous, life.

Welcome to the site! I'm looking forward to hearing back from you! :)

-Brian

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

Researcher Omicron 29 Sep 2020 03:40

Thanks for your critique! Just gonna explain what I was talking about.

+ Explanations

Why does the SCP look like that? What is the backstory behind this entity?

The reason it looks like that is because it was a teenager that took cutting themself to another level by just stabbing himself with pieces of his bathroom mirror and leaving it in there.

How does the Foundation know that he feels no pain? What do you mean by "doesn't slow down"?

Because he shows no signs of pain, he moves normally, he is one of the rare people that have congenital analgesia, and by slow down, I mean what I mean, the glass doesn't cause him to have slow movement.

Why does the mirror need to be a specific size? Why doesn't it manifest in smaller mirrors?

Because then you wouldn't be able to see the entire process take place, the reason why that is needed will be explained next.

Why does the subject need to be looking at the mirror to be consumed? Why does their survival depend on the mirror and not the entity? What do you mean by "they break"? What do you mean by "they remain"?

The subject needs to be looking at the mirror cause observing the consumption of their reflection sends them into shock which triggers the immobilization, the reason it depends on the survival of the mirror and not the entity is because the entity cannot be killed, also, by "They break" and "They remain" I mean they die or they live, just glass sort of terms.

Why does bringing them back to the mirror revive them? Why does the immobilization last for 2-3 months and not shorter and not longer?

Why couldn't it revive them is the real question, being taken away from a life support machine kills you, but if administered a shock and brought back to the machine you can be revived, the reason why it lasts for 2-3 months is because after that time they will begin to forget about the event, the entity is pretty much a cognitohazard but not a cognitohazard, it keeps you in that state of shock but it can't do that forever.

What happens if they starve while immobilized? What happens if they die on their own while immobilized? What if the mirror is moved or gets obscured?

Nothing happens if they starve, it was just a standard safety precaution from the medical team, they would just die if they died on their own, and if the mirror is moved then they will die if not brought back in the proximity, and if not discovered then pretty much tough luck.

But this is a lot of insight into the events that the person went through. How are you planning to put this in your article and make it interesting for the reader?

I excluded a couple of things because of the word limit, the article will be a bit more informative, a piece of information I intend to include is that the reflection of the mirror is another reality that is similar to ours except only the entity knows about the other world on the other side.

Why did they think bringing him back would work? How will this occur in your article? What do you intend to do to include this detail? What do you mean by "hope was lost"? Why did they keep him at the mirror instead of trying other things? Your pitch made it sound like the person was back to normal once they are revived by the mirror, right?

They took him out of the proximity of the mirror when they got out of the building, but the bathrooms are nearby the entrance so when they drove by the heart monitor regained healthy vital signs. By "All hope was lost" I mean they thought he was going to be in that state forever, also they do go back to normal once revived by the mirror, just still no reflection.

Last edited on 29 Sep 2020 03:42 by Researcher Omicron Show more

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

Marcelles_Raynes 30 Sep 2020 14:39

On behalf of the Team of the Oinks, I will be looking at this post! (Also summoned via PMs)

Let's dive in, shall we?

So on the whole, the anomaly here seems like a slightly different version of a thing that kills you, albeit with more stipulations. These type of monsters certainly have their place in the wiki, but they also have a strong narrative to support their existence.

The narrative here is mostly focused on events that transpired prior to Foundation involvement, something that I understand is featured in a lot of articles. Uncovering the plot behind what made the location anomalous is what makes articles like Daleport of The Bone Orchard interesting. However, with those articles there is also a plot that is happening in the current day as well. This is what is really lacking from your article.

What will the Foundation do now that this thing is in containment, and how did they even uncover the story of what happened prior to their involvement?

Your monster also feels a bit bland. Why does it exist? Was it created or was it a normal person at one point? Why does it consume people's reflections? Knowing everything about your monster can really help bring it to life and generate mystery around it. You don't need to include all these details in the article, and you shouldn't honestly, but you as the author ought to know the answers to questions like this. Knowing what to include and what to leave out will definitely help your writing in the future.

That's all I've got for now. Good luck!

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~ M.D.R.

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

Francis Scalia 30 Sep 2020 14:58

Hello hello, responding to PM request.

I'm not sure I have much to add that hasn't already been covered by other reviewers here. This guy is essentially a mish-mash of urban legend with conventional Hellraiser-style horror themes. While that doesn't necessarily sink the idea on its own, there is an important difference between traditional horror and SCP horror:

When you write a traditional horror story, you create details and themes designed to horrify.

When you write an SCP story, you're aiming for something that is horrifying with the implication that it's not deliberately horrifying, but rather just happens to exist and IS horrifying.

Specifically, why is the guy filled with broken glass? It seems like it's to be deliberately scary, not because there's a real justification for it. Why is this centered around prom night? Seemingly because that's a common setting for slasher stuff, not because there's any particular reason for the mirror to be there at that time. Why doesn't he "slow down" or feel pain? Most movie monsters don't, because otherwise, they'd be easy to defeat.

I'm not saying that this WAS the justification for the characteristics of this SCP, but it definitely feels like it as an outside reader, and since your article will be voted on by outside readers, they're likely going to see a similar pattern. These seems like an urban legend ala Bloody Mary that has been made into an SCP, and while that can be done, it has to be handled in a way that doesn't feel like a direct translation, because otherwise, it just seems like low-hanging fruit.

If you want to commit to this idea, you'll want to figure out some way to tweak it so that it doesn't feel like a monster you'd see featured in any ole' Halloween movie. And perhaps feature the Foundation in a more integral role, since an SCP document is supposed to be presented as a Foundation study of the object, and I'm not sure how you'd pull off the Foundation knowing so much about this and having so little involvement in it.

Hope this helps.

Re: A Mirror's Reflection

Researcher Omicron 30 Sep 2020 15:10

Hello! Thanks for your crit, I just want to explain a bit of things you were talking about.

Why is the guy filled with broken glass?

I said this to Pedagon but anyways, when this subject was a child he took cutting himself to another level, he broke his bathroom mirror and shoved the pieces of glass in his body and left it there.

Why is this centered around prom night?

What is wrong with prom night? It is just the discovery, it doesn't entirely take place at prom night, also I am thinking it will just be a cover-up first discovery.

Why doesn't he "slow down" or feel pain?

He is one of the rare people with congenital analgesia.