[Seeking greenlight] God of the gaps

Summary:

A series of straight lines raise the ire of a being that is the empty spaces between every atom in existence

[Seeking greenlight] God of the gaps

Qeberty 24 Sep 2020 10:49

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: SCP-XXXX-A is a series of straight, 2-10cm long lines drawn onto a gap between two solid objects. For example the gaps in sidwalk, the gap between two windows etc..
These lines draw the attention of SCP-XXXX-B, consisting of the empty space between the electron cloud of every single atom in the universe. SCP-XXXX-B will then pull every living being in a 10 meter radius of the line into itself, that being the "emptiness" in every single thing in existence.

+ Open

*Edited according to feedback:

Central Narrative: The foundation is alerted to a series of strange disappearances: first a couple of kids vanishing when one of them draws a line with a stick in the gaps of the sidewalk, a couple of juveniles tagging a bathroom stall, then a patient in a mental facility who cries out to his doctors that he "begs for release" and desperately wants to draw, one of the doctors grants his request under supervision and vanishes with him.
The foundation investigates the phenomenon and finds out that all of the "drawers" were haunted by a series of strange dreams where they perceived themselves as witnessing all of creation only for their attention to be drawn to a certain spot on earth. With the dreams intensity

The Foundation realizes that the lines are not random, simply drawing a line in any gap won't work. Instead all the victims seem to have had a series of dreams of them perceiving all of the universe, compelling them draw the lines at a specific location. These dreams intensified till they finally took up a pen, knife or spraycan and drew or carved a straight line at the spot.

At last the organization finds an individual that reported to their psychiatrist about receiving these strange dreams, in order to learn more they choose to sacrifice them but rig them with a mic beforehand. After they witness the individual drawing the line and being drawn into the entity they establish contact with them, they reveal that they perceive everything on earth including the foundation, as they continue their consciousness expands further to the solar system, then the milky way, they become more disjointed as it goes loosing their grip on reality until contact break off as the individual refuses to speak.
Later the foundation realizes that with every disappearance the lines drawn and the radius in which people are drawn in, slowly grows ….

The Foundation concludes that further "abductions" need to be stopped so they create a task force, tasked with surveying psychologists whose patients report the dreams as well as trying to predict where the spots are the entity uses to draw people into itself and administer amnestics.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Riff on both the "god of the gaps" theological perspective as well as the kids game of "don't step on the gaps on the sidewalk", a (hopefully) interesting spin on the "victim is drawn to the monster" horror trope and finally the horror of a being that literally exists in everything in the universe.

Last edited on 25 Sep 2020 18:53 by Qeberty Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Truc Linh 26 Sep 2020 01:11

Qeberty , per the required forum guidelines found here: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas

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Footnotes

1. Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes.

Re: [Seeking greenlight] God of the gaps

Cerastes 24 Sep 2020 19:08

Placeholder, will respond within 24 hours.

---

Hmm. I like the initial premise, but I feel like your two aspects dont mix well. On one hand you've got the disappearance linked to the sidewalk and window gaps, and on the other, you've got this god that exists everywhere in the universe. I like the first idea, it sounds rather interesting, but the god bit feels a bit unspecified/bland.

I'd advise cutting this down a bit to the premise about gaps between two solid objects, and building it up from there. There's an odd charm to this idea about the sidewalk game practically everyone's played having an element of deadliness to it.

Last edited on 25 Sep 2020 03:27 by Cerastes Show more

Re: [Seeking greenlight] God of the gaps

Qeberty 25 Sep 2020 07:24

Thanks for the feedback! Would you reduce it to just the sidewalk game or is the general idea of "drawing straight lines" fine as is?
As for the god/entity going back at it I meant for the being to be like this "watcher" that exists in everything but is unable to really affect the material world outside these lines, which I failed to disclose here, would that make the entity less bland in your opinion?

Re: [Seeking greenlight] God of the gaps

Pedagon 25 Sep 2020 06:16

Hey Qeberty !!
Pedagon here from the Team of the Oinks! I'm here to be your critter!!

+ Roses

SCP-XXXX-A is a series of straight, 2-10cm long lines drawn onto a gap between two solid objects.

You have me hooked already. These more abstract and strange anomalies always get me hype.

The Foundation realizes that the lines are not random, simply drawing a line in any gap won't work. Instead all the victims seem to have had a series of dreams of them perceiving all of the universe, compelling them draw the lines.

The idea of being compelled to do something is a very interesting thing to discuss in an article and really makes me think of Junji Ito’s work. The way you are describing it too makes me think about the call of the void and the horrors of what the brain can try to convince us to do by compulsion. I love this aspect of your proposal.

Finally a class-D personal reports having such dreams but before they allow him to draw they equip him with a mic.

After being sucked into SCP-XXXX-B the class-d personnel is able to converse with the foundation and reports how he has the feeling that he is everything in the universe but unable to interact with it. He is able to redirect his consciousness onto the foundation site and describes what the scientists are currently doing in the room. Throughout the conversation he is slowly assimilated into the being with his dialogue slowly becomes more and disjointed till only the being is speaking in the end before contact abruptly ends.
The Foundation concludes that further "abductions" need to be stopped so they create a task force, tasked with surveying psychologists whose patients report the dreams described earlier and administer amnestics.
This is a neat little past of your story that I love but also worries me. Some of this “speaking from beyond “ can get pretty trope-y sometimes. Can you tell me more about what you picture this interview with the -B to go like?

+ Thorns 

These lines draw the attention of SCP-XXXX-B, a being consisting of the empty space between every single atom in the universe.

The gaps drawing a being of the vacuum is a rose! The thorn part is a personal gripe as a chemist of people talking about the gaps in/between atoms. Not trying to be a gatekeeper here, but can you tell me more of how you would describe this in your article and how the Foundation would discover this aspect of the -B? I’m imagining some very poetic descriptors but I want to know your perspective.

SCP-XXXX-B will then pull every living being in a 10 meter radius into itself, that being the "emptiness" in every single thing in existence.

If it is a being made of the empty space in/between every atom, where to does it pull everyone? What counts as a 10 meter radius of this being if the being is everywhere?

The foundation is alerted to a series of strange disappearances: first a couple of kids vanishing when one of them draws a line with a stick in the gaps of the sidewalk, a couple of juveniles tagging a bathroom stall, then a patient in a mental facility who cries out to his doctors that he "begs for release" and desperately wants to draw, one of the doctors grants his request under supervision and vanishes with him.

So, this is a really cool aspect of your narrative! But seems disconnected from the lines and them drawing this being towards them. If the victims make the lines, which draws this being into corporeal form, which makes them disappear if they are within 10 meters, then what is compelling them to draw the lines? If it is that this being is compelling them to draw the lines, then the lines aren’t really attracting it, right? I just need more of a “timeline” of how an ‘event’ occurs.

Riff on both the "god of the gaps" theological perspective as well as the kids game of "don't step on the gaps on the sidewalk",

It appears, from your proposal, that these will be aspects by name only. Will you actually explore the philosophy of god answering the unanswerable in science or connect the article in some way to the sidewalk crack childhood superstition?

a (hopefully) interesting spin on the "victim is drawn to the monster" horror trope and finally the horror of a being that literally exists in everything in the universe.

I think it would be very interesting! How do you plan on containing or securing such a huge anomaly?

Welcome to the site! I'm looking forward to hearing back from you! :)
-Brian

Re: [Seeking greenlight] God of the gaps

Qeberty 25 Sep 2020 09:46

Thanks for the detailed feedback!

This is a neat little past of your story that I love but also worries me. Some of this “speaking from beyond “ can get pretty trope-y sometimes. Can you tell me more about what you picture this interview with the -B to go like?

Going over that aspect again, Im pretty compelled to scrap that aspect in favor of focusing on the collection of shorter stories before as I think the entity conversing with the foundation kinda takes away from the horror aspect.

The gaps drawing a being of the vacuum is a rose! The thorn part is a personal gripe as a chemist of people talking about the gaps in/between atoms. Not trying to be a gatekeeper here, but can you tell me more of how you would describe this in your article and how the Foundation would discover this aspect of the -B? I’m imagining some very poetic descriptors but I want to know your perspective.

Yea I honestly didnt give that aspect too much thought, would the entity being the electron cloud of the atoms work better?

+ show block

If it is a being made of the empty space in/between every atom, where to does it pull everyone? What counts as a 10 meter radius of this being if the being is everywhere?

Woops, meant 10 meter radius around the line drawn.

So, this is a really cool aspect of your narrative! But seems disconnected from the lines and them drawing this being towards them. If the victims make the lines, which draws this being into corporeal form, which makes them disappear if they are within 10 meters, then what is compelling them to draw the lines? If it is that this being is compelling them to draw the lines, then the lines aren’t really attracting it, right? I just need more of a “timeline” of how an ‘event’ occurs.

My idea would be how the entity latches onto the already existing wish of the individual to draw something (a kid drawing in dirt, the teenagers tagging, the patient drawing sketches) and then compels them to draw again at a very specific spot the entity needs to draw them into itself. Part of the containment process would be the foundation trying to predict where these spots are and stopping people from drawing there.

It appears, from your proposal, that these will be aspects by name only. Will you actually explore the philosophy of god answering the unanswerable in science or connect the article in some way to the sidewalk crack childhood superstition?

Agreed, kinda disregarded them in favor of the class-D storyline, with me scrapping that Id try to focus more thoroughly on that aspect.

I think it would be very interesting! How do you plan on containing or securing such a huge anomaly?

Glad to hear, as mentioned above the containment process would be the foundation trying to predict the spots where the entity can draw people in, as the matter around those spots subtly decays as the entity changes the atomic structure around it in advance.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 26 Sep 2020 05:18 by Zyn Show more