Giant Hypnotic Toads

Summary:

A midwestern site discovers a new anomalous species of giant toads

Giant Hypnotic Toads

CamelCrush 16 Sep 2020 23:13

A midwestern site discovers a new anomalous species of giant toads that seemingly have the ability to teleport at will, however, the story quickly becomes a cautionary tale about the price of underestimating anomalies.

I moved and trimmed your thread summary, since it was taking up a lot of space in the main forum screen. Try to keep thread descriptions (the text in the little box under the thread title) short so you don't crowd out other authors in the forum listing. ~Zyn

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Psychological Drama

Page Layout: Begins with a standard SCP article including a complete description of the anomaly, however with some slightly odd containment procedures. A second set of Containment Procedures immediately follow the first set, revealing to the reader that the original Containment Procedures are completely inaccurate and filled with misinformation, as well as revealing information about the anomaly that was absent from the original. The article also contains experiment logs and an incident report to help convey the plot following the main article. There is also a very short exploration log with an original MTF crew that is mainly meant as comedic relief at the very end of the article, but also ends the story with a disturbing cliffhanger.

Elevator Pitch: A midwestern foundation site discovers an anomalous species of giant toads that seemingly have the ability to teleport at will. However, not all is how it appears to be as the article quickly turns into a cautionary tale about how the mistakes of a single site can put the entire foundation at risk.

Central Narrative: A foundation site discovers an anomalous species of giant toads that have begun appearing all over the midwestern United States. They quickly discover that the toads have the ability to teleport anywhere within a confined space, and seem rather affectionate towards humans. However the site quickly runs into a road block when creating Containment Procedures for the anomaly, as researchers cannot agree on whether or not the abilities of the anomaly are purely perceptual, or if they are dealing with a small reality bender. In addition to this, the toad begins to “duplicate,” itself at an exponential rate. It turns out that the anomalies also have the ability to implant thoughts into the minds of human hosts, which quickly and quietly leads the site into complete and utter chaos, and ultimately, it’s destruction.

Last edited on 24 Sep 2020 19:16 by CamelCrush Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 21 Sep 2020 05:03

Since this thread has fallen to page 6 with no responses, this is a quick staff reminder to the author that if you haven't yet, you should contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed.

Please refer to this thread for more information: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already reached out to multiple reviewers and received no reply, notify a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

Pedagon 21 Sep 2020 05:56

Hey!

Pedagon here from the Team of the Oinks! I'm here to be your critter!!

+ Things I need from you

I am very intrigued by your idea but I am left wondering too much about how you will pull it off. I would love to give you a real critique but first I want to know a few things. Mainly, how are you going to make your intended narrative clear to the reader? How do we get from toads to “entire Foundation is at risk”?

Specifically, please tell me more about the following and what you mean by them:

some slightly odd containment procedures.

revealing information about the anomaly that was absent from the original.

The article also contains experiment logs and an incident report to help convey the plot following the main article. There is also a very short exploration log with an original MTF crew that is mainly meant as comedic relief at the very end of the article, but also ends the story with a disturbing cliffhanger.

researchers cannot agree on whether or not the abilities of the anomaly are purely perceptual, or if they are dealing with a small reality bender.

Welcome to the site! I'm looking forward to hearing back from you! :)

-Brian

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

CamelCrush 23 Sep 2020 14:19

Hey, thanks for the feedback!

Firstly, the “slightly odd containment procedures,” simply mean that something is clearly off with the original article, such as the original Containment Procedures directly ordering all of the site’s staff to conceal the document from the rest of the foundation, or ordering staff to prioritize the new SCP over the other SCPs contained at the site. The second set of Containment Procedures are the accurate version of the document, that are written after the destruction of the site that was originally containing the SCP. Essentially, the second set of containment procedures serve as an addendum to the original, in which it is revealed that the staff of the site containing the SCP were heavily influenced by the hypnotic abilities of the SCP, therefore rendering the original Procedures compromised and inaccurate.

+ show block

The main focus of the article are the two separate sets of Containment Procedures, this is to emphasize exactly how the staff of the site were effected by the SCP, with the original Containment Procedures serving as a frame of reference of sorts. The additional Experiment logs are to give additional information and insight to exactly how the SCP works. In one experiment log, we are introduced to two scientists stationed at the Site containing the SCP as they begin to discuss steps towards proper containment. We then see the SCP take direct control of one of the scientist as his manner abruptly changes, followed by the second scientist. We see the mindset that victims of the SCP inherit, which is complete and single-minded devotion towards the SCP, almost as if they are mindless zombies serving only the needs of the SCP. Additionally, an field log would introduce a squad of MTF agents tasked with locating and exterminating a small population of the SCP left over from the original site’s destruction. Of course, the mission doesn’t go to plan, and the article is left on a cliffhanger, making the reader call into question if the threat posed by the SCP was ever truly eliminated, and just how much of the foundation was effected by it. This log would have an overall satirical tone, delving into the mindsets of MTF agents, and how after years of experience hunting anomalies, they develop a sense of humor about the matter.

In regards to your last point (whether are not they can agree on whether the abilities of the SCP are perceptual or reality-bending) this simply means that the foundation isn’t sure whether the SCP is truly teleporting, or if they simply create the illusion of teleportation. Are these amphibious anomalies actually displacing themselves throughout time and space, or just making their victims believe that they are doing so?

I hope I covered all of your points effectively. Sorry for the delay in response time by the way, I have been very busy lately but will try and respond in a timely manner in the future!

Let me know if you would like me to elaborate on anything further.

Thanks,

-CC

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 24 Sep 2020 05:07 by Zyn Show more

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

Pedagon 24 Sep 2020 06:03

Hey!

+ Continuing critique

the original Containment Procedures directly ordering all of the site’s staff to conceal the document from the rest of the foundation, or ordering staff to prioritize the new SCP over the other SCPs contained at the site.

This is actually pretty standard Foundation affair. That is why we use classification levels and such in order to make it clear of who is able to access the document and what priority it is to contain. I think you will have to do something extra special with the containment procedures in order to make it feel wrong. Some of the weirdest conprocs I have seen are SCP-231, SCP-2845, SCP-1474, and SCP-2317 and they are unique because that is the point. The containment procedures grab the reader's attention immediately and make the reader view the rest of the article differently. If you want the containment procedures to hint to the reader that something is wrong, then they need to be really strange and do something interesting by themselves.

The second set of Containment Procedures are the accurate version of the document, that are written after the destruction of the site that was originally containing the SCP. Essentially, the second set of containment procedures serve as an addendum to the original, in which it is revealed that the staff of the site containing the SCP were heavily influenced by the hypnotic abilities of the SCP, therefore rendering the original Procedures compromised and inaccurate.

Sounds good! This is pretty standard for modern SCP writing and there are a lot of examples out there that do this! I have no issues with this style!

The main focus of the article are the two separate sets of Containment Procedures, this is to emphasize exactly how the staff of the site were effected by the SCP, with the original Containment Procedures serving as a frame of reference of sorts. The additional Experiment logs are to give additional information and insight to exactly how the SCP works. In one experiment log, we are introduced to two scientists stationed at the Site containing the SCP as they begin to discuss steps towards proper containment. We then see the SCP take direct control of one of the scientist as his manner abruptly changes, followed by the second scientist. We see the mindset that victims of the SCP inherit, which is complete and single-minded devotion towards the SCP, almost as if they are mindless zombies serving only the needs of the SCP. Additionally, a field log would introduce a squad of MTF agents tasked with locating and exterminating a small population of the SCP left over from the original site’s destruction. Of course, the mission doesn’t go to plan, and the article is left on a cliffhanger, making the reader call into question if the threat posed by the SCP was ever truly eliminated, and just how much of the foundation was effected by it.

This is a phenomenal description. I am extremely intrigued by this and I want to see this get written!! This has hooked me into your proposal.

This log would have an overall satirical tone, delving into the mindsets of MTF agents, and how after years of experience hunting anomalies, they develop a sense of humor about the matter.

Your description is a phenomenal psychological horror description. So how does making it satirical and focusing on the MTF agents years later add to your narrative? What does this part add to your article and how does it fit into the style of an SCP article?

In regards to your last point (whether are not they can agree on whether the abilities of the SCP are perceptual or reality-bending) this simply means that the foundation isn’t sure whether the SCP is truly teleporting, or if they simply create the illusion of teleportation. Are these amphibious anomalies actually displacing themselves throughout time and space, or just making their victims believe that they are doing so?

I like this summary! I'm just still not clear on how this property ("Are these amphibious anomalies actually displacing themselves throughout time and space, or just making their victims believe that they are doing so?") connects to your narrative of the toads controlling the scientists and making them worship the toads. Why would these toads want to make it look like they are teleporting or "making their victims believe that they are doing so"? I just don't see the link between these two aspects of your proposal yet. But that description chunk has me hooked so I would like to!

You have me hooked, now reel me in!

-Brian

Last edited on 25 Sep 2020 22:34 by Pedagon Show more

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

CamelCrush 27 Sep 2020 20:40

Hey Brian! Thanks again for your feedback!

+ show block

In regards to the containment procedures, what I was trying to convey was that it is very obvious that the site is clearly and deliberately concealing their continued favoritism of the SCP from the rest of the foundation. Not in the normal sense that the document is just highly classified for certain levels of personnel, but that they are deliberately covering up what is going on at their site. I'll give another example of this with the fact that the site is also redistributing foundation funds towards giving the SCP exceptional comfort, without the consent of the 05 council or the rest of the foundation, who are deliberately being made unaware of these things. For example, while the toads are being treated like royalty at the site, the containment of other SCP's at the site are being heavily neglected, and this is what is being concealed from the rest of the foundation, per the influence of SCP. You mentioned doing something special with the containment procedures to make them stand out and feel "wrong," and I attempted to do this by making the concealment of the procedures feel very unofficial, and just create the sense that the document was written under the influence of a larger force, but I will definitely focus on this point more in a first draft, per your advice! I think we are largely on the same page with this, I just need to do a better job conveying it, which I fully intend to do. Great point nonetheless! I'm glad you loved the description though! That's definitely the main focus of the article and I'm glad I got the idea(s) across effectively!

The MTF log:
Why make a satirical log following such a dark article? This is largely in part do to my writing style. I am heavily inspired by writers such as the Coen Brothers, the talented minds behind incredible films such as Fargo (1996), and No Country For Old Men. They have a very unique writing style in that the stories they tell can be very dark and at times truly disturbing, but despite this, many times their stories contain a humorous or satirical undertone. This doesn't take away from the tone of the films however, in movies like Fargo, it only complements the tone. That's basically the idea with the MTF log. Consider it the dessert to the psychological horror entree. In this case, within an article that shows the weaknesses of the foundation, the MTF article is meant to further this with commentary from the foot soldiers of said foundation, to show how the mistakes of the foundation also effect the men actually in the field. Depending on feedback to a potential rough draft however, I would not be opposed to omitting this section if I felt like it truly undercut the tone of the article, but in my mind it only helps it. Again, great point! If you still feel as though the section is unnecessary then I will change to omit the satirical elements. Keep in mind this is the only section that is satirical in nature. Additionally, it is short in comparison to the rest of the article. (I have a typed draft ready for the sandbox that I am working on alongside this critique form.)

The "Extra" Abilities of The SCP:
This is one criticism that I've been getting a lot, to the point where I have considered omitting or changing this element. The idea with the teleportation of the toads is to give the foundation a reason to contain the anomaly in the first place. The site cannot be aware that the toads have hypnotic abilities, as the entire point is that they are unaware, of this ability, which is why they are compromised in the first place. So they need a reason to contain this anomaly, other than the fact that it is just a abnormally big toad. But I am up for suggestions on a replacement for this, it just needs to be something better than teleportation. The angle that they are just making people believe they can teleport is to basically ask if the ability wasn't real and actually just a result of the hypnotic ability. Essentially, a way to "trick" the site personnel so that they could gain control.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Due to college it will usually take me at least a day to respond, but I am fully committed to making this the best article it can be!

Thanks.

-CC

Last edited on 28 Sep 2020 17:30 by CamelCrush Show more

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

OCuin 23 Sep 2020 14:51

[Placeholder from PM]

My apologies for the delay in getting to you.

I'll second (third?) Cerastes comment here. It feels to me that there's a lack of focus in the narrative and the anomaly here, and it's trying to do too many things at once. The anomalous abilities have no clear relation to one another, and a lot of the article seems to be focused on re-emphasising the fact that the anomaly has these properties through testing logs and exploration logs (something I think is unnecessary, if the audience is capable of understanding it from the description, they don't need to be re-told it). That kind of stuff quickly becomes uninteresting to read.

In general, I think a lot of this would just read as very dry. Having containment procedures as the narrative centre of your article is, in my opinion, a bad idea for a first article. Skilled authors may be able to make it interesting, but in general, that kind of stuff is quickly dry and boring to read about. Containment procedures are best at implying and foreshadowing the events of the article, and they aren't great as acting as narrative signifiers. This, in addition to the reliance on testing logs and exploration logs not directly relevant to the central idea of the chaos this anomaly causes in the researchers, is a recipe for a competent but ultimately uninteresting article.

I think you need to put some thought into what the most interesting aspect of your article is, what you want the reader to think about it, and how you're going to do that. Right now, none of the narrative or storytelling elements seem to be pointing to a clear emotional or narrative idea other than "it causes chaos". That most interesting element, whatever it is, is currently obfuscated by a lot of, frankly, uninteresting and dry material, and so the idea as a whole doesn't come across as very engaging to me.

Last edited on 30 Sep 2020 16:54 by OCuin Show more

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

Cerastes 24 Sep 2020 06:38

I'm of the opinion that this anomaly seems to be going in a lot of different directions. First we find out that they can teleport anywhere within a limited space and are more intelligent than usual (intelligent enough to have affection, it seems). Then we find out they can duplicate themselves. And then we find out that they can implant thoughts into people's heads. Rather than a logical progression of danger over time, it seems to be pulling out new abilities at each turn that dont appear to have a lot of relation to each other.

Additionally:

as researchers cannot agree on whether or not the abilities of the anomaly are purely perceptual, or if they are dealing with a small reality bender

Why would they assume its perceptual? Obviously while we would expect teleportation and similar things to be a trick, foundation scientists are used to a lot of weird stuff. Unless they have evidence to suggest it, I imagine they'd simply classify it as actual teleportation.

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

CamelCrush 24 Sep 2020 17:11

Hey! A lot of feedback, I’ll try and address your points as best as possible.

I completely agree, it does appear that way, that the article is going in a lot of different directions. The problem I was faced with when writing this pitch is that I had a lot of information I had to fit into just a short summary. So I had to make a decision; do I leave out entire elements of the article to make a more concise and digestible pitch? Or do I write something twice as long that would end up being “too much” for a critter to read through in one sitting.

In regards to your point about the teleportation, in my headcannon, most researchers at the foundation are very thorough in the study of anomalies. Yes, it would have been easier for the scientists to just write it off as straight up teleportation and leave it at that, but the goal of the SCP foundation isn’t to assume the abilities of anomalies, it’s to understand their abilities to the best possible degree. Aside from this, it’s a very small point and not a main focus of the article. It is simply there to call into question how well the abilities of the toads are understood. In fact, that’s the entire point of the article. It’s to show what happens when the foundation just assume they understand an anomaly completely.

I hope I was thorough enough, I appreciate any and all feedback so please let me know if you need me to elaborate further!

Thanks!

-CC

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

Cerastes 24 Sep 2020 17:20

My point was more towards them not having any evidence pointing towards it being perceptual. They might as well assume that the toads are just really really fast, as they both have about equal amounts of proof pointing towards it.

If you're going to want to introduce that possibility, you'll have to provide them a reason for them to do that. Perhaps they secrete some psychotropic substance that makes people hallucinate? It would also be a good explanation for the inserting thoughts ability, and help bridge two abilities together.

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

CamelCrush 24 Sep 2020 19:15

That’s actually a great idea! I think I might actually include something like that. The idea is that the SCP is capable of doing so many different things that the foundation initially has trouble documenting and explaining it in the first place. Your idea helps wrap a bow around everything in an effective way, and give somewhat of a definitive answer to how something so small can do so much damage. I’ll be honest, that was the main problem I was facing in my earlier drafts, finding a way to effectively conclude how everything happened.

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

Sonderance 26 Sep 2020 08:30

Placeholder! Got summoned via PM to take a look-see. Will crit in a bit.

Alright, here’s my take.

+ show block

At the moment, my main critique is very similar to the point brought up by Cerastes. I understand that it’s partially intentional, but a single anomaly having this many unconnected abilities can be distracting and confusing to the audience. How do the toads’ various abilities connect to each other?

As for the actual narrative, I don’t really have much to say about it, if only because it’s so heavily tied to the core anomaly. With more information regarding that anomaly, I’d be happy to take a second look.

If you respond to this comment and would like me to see it, please send me a Wikidot PM, as I will not be notified otherwise.

Last edited on 27 Sep 2020 07:57 by Sonderance Show more

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

CamelCrush 27 Sep 2020 20:47

Hey!

So these are all great points, but points I have largely already covered with pedagon in the thread above. I think you'll find an appropriate response to your point(s) there. If not, I'll get back to you asap with more details!

Thanks!

-CC

(Also I don't know how to highlight users like you did in your reply but I think you'll know what I'm talking about)

Re: Giant Hypnotic Toads

Sonderance 01 Oct 2020 07:46

Collapsed for ease of scrolling.

+ show block

I can see how the individual qualities of the toads make sense narratively, as described in your conversation with Pedagon. However, that’s not enough to make them feel like cohesive anomalies. A character with lockpick fingers, sleeping-gas breath, and telescoping legs would be ideal for a prison break, but that doesn’t mean their individual qualities make sense together. What binds together all the toads' anomalous qualities, either realistically or thematically?