SCP - 5259 (first scp)

Summary:

A prop gun; that shoots explosives.. With half a mind of it's own.

SCP - 5259 (first scp)

Icemaster259 16 Sep 2020 20:11

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article, Joke SCP

Genre (Optional): Comedy, Action

Elevator Pitch:
The shape of a 44. magnum. cylinder clogged, no accessibility for bullets. With the pull of SCP - 5259 trigger will release an anomalous flag; extend from the barrels muzzle. Circumstances vary on what the flag will say. Such as boom: bam, kapow, wham, bitch, etc. Always ended in exclamations.
After 3 seconds, the initial item ahead of the barrel (when previously pulled) obliterates. In a medium explosion; of recurring magnitude. Equivalence to a Semtex grenade. Range inclusive. Tests on SCP-XXXX proves most efficient; that could prove useful to the foundation.

+ Central Narrative

[Central Narrative:
SCP - 5259 is thought to be an anomalous construct. With a word or two to add to the situation, in the form of previously stated 'flag'. Confiscated from a 'punk' youth; after dispatched listed a robbery in-progress. An eye witness examined, describing suspect as 'lean and tall' prepared to shoot a mother with their child..
The boy cackled, pulling SCP - 5259 trigger; the flags a gimmick while he evades the scene of the crime. until the light show begin. The mother and offspring terminated in the explosion , First Responders report the need to 'warrant caution'. Until the teenagers inevitability termination by First Responders.

Protocol extermination-

Contact on the move.
Danger level uncertainty
Visible fire arm.

Hook/Attention-Grabber:
What you bring to a knife fight. Play it cool; and blast a fool!

Additional Notes:

• Works on organic material..
• The flag slides back into the barrel; Prepared to fire again. Roughly a 5 second rate of fire…
• Ammo redundant.]

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- Codie

Last edited on 16 Sep 2020 23:31 by Icemaster259 Show more

Re: SCP - 5259 (first scp)

Marcelles_Raynes 16 Sep 2020 20:34

On behalf of Team of the Oinks, I shall crit this post!

Let's dive in, shall we?

Okay, so I am an absolute sucker for these types of simple, fun, and very destructive anomalies. It reminds me a lot of Robo Dude, a Doctor Wondertainment based SCP.

That being said, your central narrative is a tad cliche and could use a lot of reworking. A clown going on a rampage seems very mid to late 2010s and is not inherently interesting. I would actually recommend trying for something more emotional, perhaps the gun was originally owned by a dad who was playing cowboys and aliens with his kid. The dad activates the anomalous effects and boom, he killed his own kid. Super sad, very succinct, and very powerful.

Of course, feel free to make your own origin story behind this object. Or don't make one at all. Either method are viable means of attack.

Now, I feel like I should warn you against dragging this article out for too long. You have a relatively simple anomaly, and it does have the strength to carry a narrative but not for very long. The article may lose its meaning.

I wish you the best of luck with this, author!

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~ M.D.R.

Re: SCP - 5259 (first scp)

Icemaster259 16 Sep 2020 23:28

Thank you for the suggestion; it really helped me shape this more. I attempt to implement…

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- Codie

Re: SCP - 5259 (first scp)

Pedagon 16 Sep 2020 23:42

Team of the Oinks critter duo power engage!

+ Roses and Thorns 

Have you read SCP-3108?

Now that that's out of the way lets talk roses! Just like my fellow Officer, I am a sucker for these simple and fun anomalies. I also really like this design of a prop revolver doing the classic flag joke and having that actually function (reminds me of the foam finger in the Dead Space games). Really support this object in becoming an article!

The thorns are a bit different from my fellow swine above me. I am more concerned by the lines "Range inclusive" and "Tests on SCP-XXXX proves most efficient; that could prove useful to the foundation". I would like to know exactly what you mean by range inclusive in the context if this object's effect and I caution you against falling too hard into the trope of "The Foundation can control this thing so it might be useful" because that is more of a Serpent's Hand or Chaos Insurgency thing to do. So before you open that can of worms, consider if that adds or detracts from the story you are telling.

The other thorn is about the discovery/origin of this object. Your idea of a mad clown is a little cliche like already said above (although cliches become cliche for a reason so don't feel like you need to avoid popular tropes for that reason) and doing something with a little more weight like the father son story above would give it some more power. But also consider going a different route of the history of the object rather than the discovery of it. Why was this gun made? Who would make a functional prank device? Could make it a Wondertainment product, Deer College art/theater project, Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting clown prop, etc. Don't force a GoI though. But just consider how this object exists in all respects and it might take you somewhere interesting :)

Short and sweet no matter what you decide! Or not! Your choice!

Looking forward to hearing back from you! And welcome to the site! :)