SCP-5025 rewrite

Summary:

It is my first time posting and I have a rewrite of SCP-5025.

SCP-5025 rewrite

ExpressoDepresso 15 Sep 2020 15:14

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Horror?

Page Layout (Optional): The article will use the anomaly class bar for the item number and container class. Then the article will be structured with the picture of the SCP on the right side of the article and information will be ordered as so: 1st. special containment procedures, 2nd. Description of SCP, 3rd. Discovery, 4th. Addendum and Tests/experiments

Elevator Pitch: The SCP is a large white bipedal entity that imprints on people it selects. The SCP looks visibly similar to SCP-096 if that helps with a physical appearance. The entity has the mental capacity of a small child but has high intelligence. When the entity does not see the person it has imprinted on once a day, it will enter a tantrum state where it rages and attempts to destroy anything that gets in its way to whomever it has imprinted on. The SCP is also able to turn any toy into anomalous deadly weapon that does not require ammunition. Of which it will make manifest to help it destroy during a tantrum.

Central Narrative: The closest thing I have for a story for this SCP is in the test/experiments section where they try to find a substitute for SCP while the doctor has that it imprinted on is off site.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: one second this SCP is extremely docile and friendly, but in the next few seconds, it can become very deadly. The whole idea behind this SCP is that it just wants someone to love it, almost like it is a neglected child. So, when the person it has imprinted on does not see it twice a day, it gets upset much like a toddler would if you told it that they had to eat their veggies "NO I DON'T WANNA" but instead its like "WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PARENTS".

Additional Notes: I am rewriting this SCP and the original document was deleted. If necessary, I will post the google doc that I have saved the source code of the original article.

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“If you have a problem with pedophiles then you’re a Nazi”
Welp… Show me where the numbering trials part 2 are. Because I’m about to gas some pedophiles

Last edited on 15 Sep 2020 23:15 by ExpressoDepresso Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Naveil 15 Sep 2020 15:58

ExpressoDepresso,

As per the Required Reading, you should only link a draft if a reviewer specifically asks. Additionally, a draft should not encompass the entirety of your post. The point of the Idea Critique Forums is to give conceptual feedback on an idea, rather than an article, to see if it's ready for the drafting phase.

Please don't half-use the format. Use it in it's entirety, giving a brief summary of your idea in 400 words or less. The format is below, for prosperity:

**Seeking Greenlights:** Yes or No

**Page Type:** SCP Article, Tale, GoI Format, Joke SCP, Site Dossier, Other (specify)

**Genre (Optional):** Horror, Drama/Emotional, Comedy, Action, History, Other (specify)

**Page Layout (Optional):** 

**Elevator Pitch:** 

**Central Narrative:** 

**Hook/Attention-Grabber:** 

**Additional Notes:**

Please edit your post to fit the specified format. Do NOT make a new thread. Instead, use the "edit" function, found below the post under "Options".

Once you have done that, you may contact a member of the Butterfly Squad for critique, or use the IRC Chatrooms to request a review.

Re: SCP-5025 rewrite

Marcelles_Raynes 15 Sep 2020 23:33

Coming from IRC.

Let's dive in, shall we?

The entity has the mental capacity of a small child but has high intelligence.

While I can sort of understand child savants and all that, this statement is still confusing. If the entity has the mental capacity of a child, then surely even at the genius level it would only be capable of learning/understanding things that a child would be able to?

When the entity does not see the person it has imprinted on once a day, it will enter a tantrum state where it rages and attempts to destroy anything that gets in its way to whomever it has imprinted on.

This does not, at least to my understanding, align with the entity's established behaviour. If the thing has high intelligence, then it would most likely understand that there are more effective ways of pursuing its intended target other than throwing a temper tantrum.

The SCP is also able to turn any toy into anomalous deadly weapon that does not require ammunition. Of which it will make manifest to help it destroy during a tantrum.

This seems like an unnecessary feature that was added on to make the creature a bit more deadly.

Overall

This really feels like a reskin of SCP-096, between the appearance of the creature, its behavioural patterns (that being the "rage state" if it doesn't see the people it imprinted on, its docile nature if it gets what it wants, etc). The central narrative does not feel like it is strong enough to support itself, as the Foundation is really just trying to do damage control until one of their researchers comes back.

Think about how this scenario would realistically play out. The researcher in question dips, he takes his vacation for whatever reason. The creature doesn't get to see him and starts freaking out. The Foundation would sure as hell pull that guy back from vacation in order to calm the thing down. Heck, even if they were unaware of its effects at the time, it would not take them very long to understand that the creature started behaving violently following the researcher's absence.

That being said, I believe that your narrative needs some restructuring, as well as the anomaly on the whole.

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~ M.D.R.