Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Dredscythe 11 Sep 2020 17:41

See original idea concept in collapsed section below:

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Seeking Greenlight: yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Drama

Page Layout (Optional): The description will be broken up by test logs, resource requests, monthly reports, etc. Journal entries from the Sr. Scientist will also be retroactively attached.

Elevator Pitch:

An object is recovered by The Foundation from a recent attack on followers of The Broken God by the Sarkic cult. The object appears to be a car sized dual-drum grinder, akin to a metal shredder. The construction is inline with mechanisms recovered from the three factions of The Broken God with a crude device with Sarkic symbology on one side.

A two man team of a Sr. and Jr. Scientists start unlocking the secrets of the object. First figuring out how to activate it, then discovering how it can “decompile” any item with specific marks. The crude device becomes a source of tension and conflict for the Sr. Scientist as he suspects the device is covering up the “compiler” side. This leads to an incident.

Through recounting the incident, he figures out why the members that made the object did it, calling it “The Great Defragmentation.” Through his last test he enters the object itself and is granted visions from eons ago and is granted a “gift” from The Broken God itself, also becoming it’s Herald. The now Herald (SCP-XXXX-A) works with The Foundation to establish a new site that can use the object (known as The Mouth of The Broken God) to contain other SCPs and work on the limited possibility of countering SCP-610.

Central Narrative:

• The Sr. scientist's downward spiral of being a highly organized scientist to bordering on madness is a conflict that symbolizes the struggle for achieving individualistic intelligence vs. giving into primitive/tribal nature.
• The Sr. scientist compares his downward spiral to the fragmenting of The Church of The Broken God.
• The members that came together despite their factionalism for a higher intellectual calling (The Great Defragmentation) knew all factions must come back together. To “defragment” to a new path. This is a direct parallel to bringing the parts of their God back together - one path, one God.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The object being able to decompile and compile any safely marked item is used by The Foundation in containing SCPs. The Herald aids The Foundation as The Mouth's caretaker, researching other believed Broken God parts and informs The Church of the new path to their ultimate goal.

Additional Notes: Not at this time.

This is my first idea for an SCP. There is little intention to REDACT anything in this SCP at the time except for an "05" call out. I understand that The Foundation and The Church have a tenuous relationship at best and will be subtlely on display at the end. Not everything can be rainbows and unicorns. Thank you for any and all advice.

Revised idea concept below. Thank you for feedback.

Seeking Greenlight: yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Drama

Page Layout (Optional): Standard layout. Will have test entries, site director communications, and breach report at the end. Addendums from the lead scientist will be attached, after said breach.

Elevator Pitch:

An object of unknown origin is intercepted and recovered by the Foundation. The object appears to be a car sized dual-drum grinder, akin to a metal shredder. The construction is inline with mechanisms recovered from the Broken God.

A lead scientist with the Foundation starts researching the object. As he gets further into the mystery of the object, he begins to have visions during his sleep. They start off crude, almost abstract in nature. However, over time they refine themselves. They begin to feel more personal and make the scientist question his duty to the Foundation and the pull of a higher calling with the Church.

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After a fateful last vision where some of his own early history is revealed - mainly his orphaning and how him joining the Church was set forth. A week later a successful containment breach sees him and the object gone. An anomalous audio signal was sent at the same time a swell. A letter is left behind stating he has been chosen to be the Herald to the Broken God. The anomalous audio is decoded after months which turned out to be a global signal to other members of the Church telling them of the object (the Mouth of the Broken God) and to defragment back to one path.

Central Narrative:

• The conflict of the lead scientist between duty to the Foundation and the calling of higher knowledge through the object/the Church/The Broken God.
• The initial knowledge of his parents and him being an orphan pushing him to be better than to submit to the visions (being a restraint.) To get turned on its head when the fate of his parents and why they left him is revealed in the last vision (being a release.)

Hook/Attention-Grabber:

Another piece of the Broken God is found. It has created a Herald for itself, which on face value is purposed with bringing the factions back together - one path, one God. The object’s abilities, still mostly unknown, makes it a high priority to recapture along with the Herald by the Foundation. On top of the higher threat level a united Church could pose if all folded back into one.

Additional Notes: N/A

Last edited on 14 Sep 2020 04:24 by Dredscythe Show more

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Uncle Nicolini 12 Sep 2020 18:37

Quite the ambitious idea you've got here.

I like the basic skeleton, though I do have a couple of quibbles to bring up, namely:

• The Foundation and the Church of the Broken God are not friends. The Foundation's goals directly interfere with those of the Church of the Broken God. That being said, I don't see them working together by any means unless there is a massive threat to normalcy or something like that.
• What do the Sarkic marks on the compiler have to do with anything?
• I don't like the part where this leans on other SCPs to be stronger. You dont have to mention 610 in this and you dont have to make this be container of sorts for other broken god anomalies. Besides, bringing parts of the Broken God together is dangerous, is it not?

So what do I recommend?

• Ditch the other anomalies angle. This can function as its own little article in which the mouth of the broken god is found and it creates a herald.
• Ditch the Sarkic stuff. It doesn't add to anything to the article and only serves to further split attention.
• Build on the herald's relationship with the foundation. They used to work for them; is there an internal conflict in their duties to mekhane and the foundation? I think that would be an interesting angle to explore.

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Dredscythe 12 Sep 2020 19:56

First off thank you for reading and giving feedback. I'll address what I can and propose more feasible simpler alternatives.

• Concerning the Church and the Foundation, it would definitely seem that way. I have been reading more and more item/Church-related SCPs and your spot on. This conflict would be built into your last recommendation point.
• Do be short and sweet, the object on one side has the decompiler control panel, and on the other has the compiler side. The Sarkic device was covering that side as they were afraid of what the unknown members may be trying to bring back with it. The cult wasn't going to be a thing more than a reason for the attack and recovery of the object. The device, which through the incident was nothing more than a crude magically IED. It was a source of mental conflict that drove the Sr. Scientist mad in his attempt to understand the object, to gain knowledge. While I do not want to get rid of the decompiler/compiler ability of the object, I can see "hiding" the full scale of the power of the object to the vision later on in the SCP. This would allow less to be actually known for the SCP file itself and as more is figured out (testable or not) could be the driving force for the Sr. Scientist to question his loyalty to the Foundation.

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• I do have to agree about the 610 references. I had it in there more or less like a loose plot point, a test request but the outcome would be unknown. However, do to the (at least as it stands now) way the object works it wouldn't be that useful. Something with 610 would go in something with 610 would come out. I agree that taking this out can work and wouldn't really harm any of the major plot points.

Overall with your feedback, I could see simplifying a lot of this.

• List object recovered from an abandoned location, with no Sarkic device.
• Ditch the Sarkic and 610 references.
• Have the same struggle and conflicts to drive the narrative but change it to one of that between that of the Church of the Broken God and the Foundation instead. More grounded, easier to understand, and more "realistic."
• Through a vision, which will have a lot of imagery from eons ago to current. The last one being him on the holy island in Greece, receiving his gift of being the Herald - a tipping point in his loyalty to the Foundation ending with a breach of containment and the object gone. A possible final message could be left in typical Church mantra about flesh and when will the Foundation learn.

Does this sound more along the lines of what you were relaying? If so, I want to take the night o think and update tomorrow. Is it alright if I reach out at that point to you directly? Thank you again.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 13 Sep 2020 05:53 by Zyn Show more

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Dredscythe 14 Sep 2020 04:33

Posting to say that based on feedback I cleaned up secondary plot points or out right removed them. I also overhauled to make for a cleaner narrative and focus more on the core elements/SCP.

Original idea is in first collapsed section.

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Uncle Nicolini 14 Sep 2020 16:54

This is a lot better. Its got a few little things I don't like that I will point out momentarily, but this is a much better and more refined idea. I like the focus on the researcher's internal struggle with his employment and a so-called higher power.

Anyways, what I don't like is that you mention the object's abilities being largely unknown. This can be an easy crutch to get away from having to explain things in most cases, but in an SCP that doesn't work. What does this anomaly do? You mention defragging. Maybe the researcher had a life-saving surgery that installed a piece of non-anomalous technology into their body in order to keep them going, but this device defragments it to wish to align with the broken god, therefore causing further confusion in the researcher's mind. Just a thought.

Anyway, I do think this is in a much better spot now so I will greenlight this.

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Marcelles_Raynes 15 Sep 2020 19:24

Hello author, Marcelles_Raynes here and I will be critting this proposal on behalf of the Team of the Oinks!

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So I am actually pretty interested in seeing how this turns out. I always feel like the inner conflict of having to choose sides is great for narrative conflict, and given the dichotomy between Church of the Broken God and the Foundation, a researcher switching sides feels like a very strong character arc.

I worry about what underlying themes you intend to include in this piece. The overarching story is just as important as the untold one, and that untold story, in my opinion, is what makes a piece go from good to great. Do you plan on leaving just enough clues for the audience to piece together, or will you give us the researcher’s background/origin story outright? Either method is viable, and depending on the execution, either can service you better. Subtlety is a personal preference of mine I suppose.

Now, you’ve also got the set up for the unification of the Broken Church, which is a very cool idea as well. I just worry that you may be too caught up in trying to set that aspect of your story up that you will forget to include the emotional element that makes us connect with your story and your character. This is a very important part of a work as well, truthfully.

Overall, this is a very good idea. Just try to iron out some of the minutiae and you’ve got a great start to an SCP!

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~ M.D.R.

Last edited on 15 Sep 2020 19:24 by Marcelles_Raynes Show more

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Francis Scalia 17 Sep 2020 17:15

Hello hello, responding to an IRC crit request.

Per our conversation in chat, I'm adding my greenlight. It appears this is your second, so you're free to proceed to the drafting forum.

Best of luck.

Re: Defragmenting the Broken God [Seeking Greenlight]

Dredscythe 18 Sep 2020 02:49

Just wanted to say thank you for the second Greenlight, and for all the feedback from you and the others. The process, as arduous as it can be, works.