[Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

Summary:

Dimension hopping female human

[Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

Sahotaan 20 Aug 2020 04:58

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: “Witch” from another dimension; can travel through dimensions, specifically matter and time.

Central Narrative: My intention is that this will be an scp article, describing procedures with an interview log or two. To come would be some tales and more articles, depending on how this one goes. Listed below is a possible narrative sort of describing how certain characters I’ve created would be handled in the foundationverse

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People/Entities gain access to the foundationverse from another dimension that has its own timeline, history, and versions of things like the anomalies. “Time” travel has several limits that would be expounded upon (the foundation doesn’t know of this particular feature, and may not ever, due to the prevalence of causality paradoxes, as she would primarily just travel from one dimension to another, which, in a loose way, could be considered “time” travel due to the technicality of calling different dimensions branching realities.) She would present herself as uncontainable in a canon in which SRAs are failing more and more. With obvious use to the foundation, her secondary “friendliness” effect, and lack of interest in self-exposure to the public, the foundation would likely acquiesce to her requests (basically a room and exercise equipment, contact with some staff, ability to go to a few limited places on site, as well as other places (missions if accepted). It would be the equivalent of being a merchant sailor, visiting a port, and while in port, being locked into that particular town, but given reign to go to and from port to home country, with exceptions being missions. I hope the bad analogy makes sense on the dimensional scale of things. Eventually, her “handler” in her own dimension takes notice, visits the foundation, and gifts another anomalous entity to “properly” contain her. I doubt the foundation would listen to the second entity, but that particular encounter would depend on if this article would be allowed (with the narrative going forth from

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The “witch”, on her own, might as well be a standard rate reality bender/dimension hopper, but, given her role in her own dimension, attracts other anomalous entities to the foundationverse, with consequences that could be either destructive or beneficial depending on the foundation’s responses.

Additional Notes:
Article itself is supposed to be a hook of this dimension into the foundationverse, due to the existence of other characters that I’ve written, her presence is more or less required to bring other potential SCPs into the foundationverse. “witch” is a layman designation, obviously the foundation would have no such use for a not clinical term.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. Also, please mind the Ideas Critique required reading wordcount limit; your post is about 20 words over. ~Zyn

Last edited on 20 Aug 2020 05:14 by Zyn Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

KaraKatt 20 Aug 2020 13:57

[Placeholder o' Doom!!! Will crit within 24 hours]

Hmm, this seems interesting, but I fear it may be trying to be doing too much? There's this term in writing called a "Mary Sue". It refers to an overpowered character, usually sharing many traits and appearances with the writer of the character. I don't like this term, in and of itself, but I think it's appropriate to bring up here.

Power fantasies like this can be fun. But they're only fun for the person writing them, the person who identifies with the powerful self insert. I can tell this is a concept near and dear to you, and that's ok. But know that that other readers aren't going to get the same thing out of this as you.

I'm not going to say this is inherently a horrible thing to do with your idea, but right now, theres not much compelling about this SCP. Not really a story or much else interesting. Good luck!

Last edited on 21 Aug 2020 03:11 by KaraKatt Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

Sahotaan 20 Aug 2020 17:47

Alright, I'm new to the site, how should I title my greenlight posts?

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

Riemann 20 Aug 2020 14:34

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that matter isn't a dimension and that 'time' isn't nearly as orthogonal to the spacelike dimensions as one might think.

So that all being said - you got a humanoid SCP here. We see a lot of them, and they're incredibly difficult to pull off well. The angle of "well they're so friendly!" also doesn't go over well very frequently. Out of universe, it feels like an attempt to make the character seem 'cool', in-universe it just plain doesn't make sense.

The bigger issue here is that this isn't a story. There's no plot or rising action or anything. What you've presented is too static for me to engage - it's just "Look! There's a person! Anomalous effects!" If this were a movie, it'd be the first half of the first act, not the whole movie.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

Sahotaan 20 Aug 2020 17:53

thank you for your critique. I think I may have been misinterpreted with the friendliness effect. It wasn't supposed to be something that blindly made characters like her, but was supposed to contrast the cold foundation and give them pause as to its own anomalous effect (i.e. they are wondering the extent of such a thing without giving into it, or that they actually come off colder in response). It's a secondary effect easily removed in editing. As for the latter, you have a point. My intention was to have containment procedures, description, and a few interview logs. I wanted at least initial feedback before I dreamt up a whole plot line in these, but that leaves much to be desired from a critiquing standpoint. It makes me wonder if I should focus on a plot line so much that I should write a tale instead of an article. Again, thanks for the critique.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

The Pighead 20 Aug 2020 21:15

Hello, author, Pighead In, let's take a look at your idea.

Elevator Pitch : Not much to say, looks interesting.

Central Narrative : OK, here's the big cheese. And, I will not lie, the primary concept interests me greatly. I don't know, I always have been a sucker for narratives about traveling, especially interdimensional travels. I always love to see people go on another dimensions, discovering places, meeting people, befriending or becoming "enemies" and all that. So, yeah, I'm pretty interested by that. But there's, for me, two big flaws.

The first is that all the sections involving the Foundation are not appealling at all to me, truly not. In my head, the Foundation will surely not acquiese to her requests because they will not believe a stranger with abilities who can possibly be a threat to them (even if she's not a bad person) and if there was an ability of hers who is "convince immediately everyone that she's friendly", it would be straight-up cliche and a little bit ridiculous. And the second is the format itself, because I really think that making this thing an SCP article could be a great disservice to your story.

And because I don't have anything else to say, well, I will stop here. No greenlight, and it was not easy, because this have a lot of potential. You mention that you want to do Tales and other articles about that. I would suggest you to focus yourself on the Tales. You mention other characters and I would like to see them, not as SCPs but as anomalous beings who travel in the SCP-Verse. All these things are suggestions, feel free to follow them or not!

For the rest, it's all for me, Pighead Out.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Glorious Witch

Sahotaan 21 Aug 2020 01:48

thank you for your critique, i think youve swayed me to write a tale or two.