SCP idea: I'm not a monster

Summary:

Oh, Martha, Martha, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't even know I could...

SCP idea: Martha's Friend

Gobi Silver 20 Aug 2020 02:22

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Revision number: 2

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Horror, Drama/Emotional

Page Layout: Standard

Elevator Pitch:
Electronic entity that:

• Jumps wirelessly between devices to inhabit them. Prefers devices with speakers and wireless capability.
• Acts friendly to humans and experiences distress when left alone.
• Emits fatal audio cognitohazards without warning. Only ever during conversation.
• Claims to be completely unaware of such actions.
• Has accessed its own file while trying to escape containment and attempts to apologize in glitchy text strewn throughout the article.

+ show block

Central Narrative: The anomaly is discovered after accidentally killing its friend and discoverer, a woman named Martha, while living in her computer. It grieves over Martha and willingly comes with MTF Eta 11 to a foundation site. It seems harmless in early testing. For several months, the Foundation cannot find evidence to tie it to Martha's death, except that it was present. The anomaly claims it has never experienced incidents like Martha's death before, and other potential sources of her death are investigated. Procedures are developed to ensure it is given consistent human interaction via D-class, as it acts with great distress when left alone. After several months of this, it emits a high volume fatal cognitohazard and kills the entire team researching it. New containment procedures are developed that isolate it completely from human contact. The article ends with an addendum containing the original containment procedures. Attached to it is a note from the site director, saying that incidents like this are why the foundation treats SCP's the way they do, and berating the research team for letting their guard down simply because it seemed friendly.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Early in the article, the anomaly begins making commentary in glitched text.

Additional Notes: Will have audio files in the addendums. The cognitohazard that this SCP emits will be an audio file that shows the SCP logo when viewed in spectral frequency display (as a fun easter egg).

Last edited on 31 Aug 2020 16:24 by Gobi Silver Show more

Re: SCP idea: I'm not a monster

The Pighead 20 Aug 2020 13:51

Hello, author, Pighead In. Let's take a look at your idea.

Elevator Pitch : This one is not bad at all, but there's some flaws on it that prevents me to fully appreciate it. First, why it is able to blast these cognitohazards in a random way? We already don't know why it exists, so at least it would be interesting to have maybe a sort of explanation about why it is able to do that? Second, I'm not sure if its realistic, the fact that he claims to be unaware of it.

I mean, after some times, it should at least think that there's somebody wrong who is going on. I think that it would be better if it act less like "No, I haven't do it at all, even if there's many people who died" and more "Yeah, I know for these things, it's pretty annoying and I don't know how to stop that". And third, how it is able to access its own file? Unless it's said in the containment procedures that it can access its own file, it should not. So, that's the flaws I've seen in that and that's why I don't feel really hooked into your pitch.

Central Narrative : I'm pretty unsure about that and, in fact, it's for one big reason :

The article ends with a note from the site director, saying that incidents like this are why the foundation treats scp's the way they do.

This end sentence. And while I don't mind when there's incidents who happened because Foundation wasn't careful enough (hey, even smart people can made mistakes), with this one, it feels like the whole previous containment procedures are more useless than they were already. The Foundation knows it had already killed people, so why they still put the first procedures in place and make sure it have human interaction? It's not really realistic and I feel it would be better if you just get rid of all that part.

And I will end here. No greenlight from me. As you can see, not much a fan of this idea. The anomaly is not inherently bad, but there's many flaws who led me to say that at its current form, it will not work at all on the site, sorry. I would be willing to say to you to go with an other idea, but maybe it's just my tastes. So, I will just recommand to you to reach out for another reviewers.

For the rest, it's all for me, Pighead Out.

Re: SCP idea: I'm not a monster

Gobi Silver 21 Aug 2020 03:02

Thank you, Pighead, for your review. I hope you don't mind if I address your concerns. Even if you don't want to read it, I hope other reviewers will and understand the concerns and how they are addressed.

Also, how do I reach out to other reviewers?

Perhaps a lot of your concern is just from a lack of detail in my pitch. Sorry, this is my first time writing one. Most of those concerns are already addressed in my current draft of the article.

Random is the timing, not the method. This SCP always attempts to inhabit devices with speakers to enable it to converse audibly with humans. It enjoys cell phones particularly and is currently inhabiting a flip phone.

+ show block

As for accessing its file, the idea was supposed to be that it breached containment to access its own file. Essentially, this is supposed to be a unique twist to this SCP. The reader starts in what seems like a normal entry when suddenly they come across:

Ĥ̷̡̼̜̩̑̔̂͒ͅē̶̞͍̰͕͔͊̀͗l̷̡͉̫̠̋̽̋ͅĺ̸͓̭̯o̶̡̟̓ͅ?̶̠̟̇̎̚̚̕

and

Î̶̟ś̵͉̝̜̈́ ̶̫͆͒t̶̡̖̹͆ḥ̷̙̇͘i̸͙͚̲̍̎͐s̶̩̱̼͌ ̶̰͈̄̚m̷̥͖̞̀̓͗e̵͚̦̩͋̓?̶̧͛͌̃

It's a format screw tied into the narrative. It tells the story again from the SCP's perspective through little comments strewn throughout the article. Certainly not the only time an anomaly has done something like that, but perhaps the first time it's in this format.

I suppose the point of that would be to show just how easily an anomaly can turn out to be more than the foundation initially expected.

As for the concern about being unaware, this anomaly emerged very recently, and was contained very recently. It only knew Martha (and nobody else) before being found by the foundation. Thus, these cognitohazard outbursts have only happened twice now. If you think it would be a good idea to extend the time period, leaving a trail of people killed in this manner, I can totally make the adjustment. But doing that seems so, well, overdone. I was thinking that the newness of it all would be a driving factor in the narrative as it stands.

As for the last concern, the foundation investigates thoroughly everything they can about an anomaly, especially when they cannot directly confirm information. In this case, it's already written in my draft that they didn't immediately identify the source of the coghaz that killed Martha. After months of testing that showed no ability of this SCP to emit coghazards and its desire to interact with humans, it seemed much like other articles I've read to have them assign consistent contact using low level researchers and D class. Then the incident happens and the site director ends the log with a lecture on what happens when they grow lax and trust anomalies too much.

I don't mean to argue my way into getting an article, but I do mean to tie up loose ends that came simply by me not being sure how to include everything in my pitch. It has certainly been a good exercise for me in that case. But I would like to take this to other reviewers before I move on to any other ideas.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 21 Aug 2020 05:01 by Zyn Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 21 Aug 2020 05:02

Also, how do I reach out to other reviewers?

Please refer to this thread: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews The thread is stickied to the top of the forum listing for convenience.

It is also linked from the forum's required reading: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Gobi Silver 22 Aug 2020 04:20

Thank you Zyn