SCP-3326 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-3326.

Author Post

Dr Moned 08 Jul 2020 01:06

These were (mostly) my conprocs that I submitted for corpsecon, I was particularly proud of these ones as they took quite a bit of refinement and thus I was sad when they weren't used. This is me trying to work with the constraints I gave myself.

Big thanks to the following people: DrAkimoto, OCuin, BlueJones, Veralta, Dr Wile, forbiddenquest, Meska!

Update: Thank you for cybersqyd, DrAkimoto and Hexick for helping me fix up the ending and make the story flow better!

Last edited on 09 Jul 2020 23:52 by Dr Moned Show more

cybersqyd 08 Jul 2020 06:17

Alright so I -1 this and I want to kinda talk about how I feel here. My big issue is that it just…feels disjointed? You've got a whole bunch of little narrative threads here (the initial body horror, the brief mention of two way communication with no indication of how it'd work, the kinda…story of what happens to the D-Class I guess, the resignation of O5-8); and they don't really like, naturally flow from one to the next so much as you shove them up and insist they're interesting facets of this; but none of them really have enough depth here to carry this.

I think it doesn't help that this feels like it's just, a very generic take on time travel? Like, it's Steins;Gate but with a loom instead of a microwave, and you don't really do much with it so I'm just like…'okay cool but so what? why does this matter?'. You like, kinda touch on this with the O5-8 stuff and the brief mention of two way communication; but neither is developed enough to carry this so it just feels…shallow.

[+] minor things

[This was despite images posted on their social media account showing them in an old mill].

I'm, not sure why this is in square brackets?

It appears the proximity of the strings on the loom areis dependant on ourthe deviations from the other causal timelines.

I think this reads better with my changes? It's just kinda an awkward sentence.

This suggests that there would be a higher likelihood of any D-Class transferred across parallel timelines to once again become a D-class, same with doctors.

'a high likelihood that any…timelines would once again become a' would read better; the 'same with doctors' is just kinda awkwardly tacked on here: maybe using 'and the same with Foundation doctors' would read better? Maybe 'researchers' would be a better choice here too?

05-8's body has been recovered yet

You've relatively consistently used 0's instead of O's for the O5 members in the emails; and this specific bit is presumably missing a 'not'?

Dr Moned 08 Jul 2020 11:32

Thanks for taking the time to reply Cyber!

The O5-8 point is meant to further show what happens when the loom strings cross and link back to the previous section. I shall have a rethink about how to better show that as it may be too convoluted with the sudden introduction of a different tangent. I couldn't find any mention of body horror in here though.

I have to be honest, I have heard of "Steins;Gate" but have no idea what actually it is. The loom itself is a reference to the "Norns" who are Norse weavers of fate; due to this being a piece of machinery I thought a loom would be the best choice as it weaves fabric. I may try expand those connections.

The two-way communication was meant to be sort of addressed by O5-8 getting lost in the other timeline, as well as the fact they have no reason to believe it goes to the same timeline every time.

I shall try drafting a few other concepts for the ending!

Grigori Karpin 08 Jul 2020 06:35

EDIT: based on rewrite.

+My thoughts

"FRAGILE MACHINERY. PROPERTY OF NORNS LLP"
During the investigation into his death, a single cut piece of silk thread was recovered from his body with the phrase "Fate is a fickle mistress" inked upon it.

IMO, I think you should cut these. I feel like these are giving the game away, as by making it less obvious that this is an artifact of the fates, the article would be better (or at least more subtle)… I’d keep in the bit about the women’s voices, that’s a good hint at what’s going on.

showed a spike in hume levels, SCP-3326 was found to be the source

Consider instead of hume levels, the loom giving off atemporal energy, like in some of Hammermaiden’s time travel series?

Further tests were proposed to figure out the limitations of SCP-3326.

I feel like the tone isn’t very clinical… consider changing to “were proposed to ascertain the functional limitations of SCP-3326’s anomalous effects.”

On 02/09/2020, following an interview Junior Researcher Hawthorne carried out with D-38389-1 and D-38389-2, both of the D-Class broke free from their cells. D-473218-2 was noticed by a security guard when entering SCP-3326's containment chamber, but he was unable to prevent their entry into the room.

I am a little confused by this, as the first two D-class aren’t mentioned beyond the first sentence here.

Several times you mention that a sentence or longer message is printed on a strand of silk, and I just don’t understand how this would work. Strands are very narrow, way less than a centimeter. Not sure how to fix this, but it takes me out of it.

Overall, this still isn't doing it for me. There are so many D-class that I lose focus on who we're focusing on each moment. Moreover, I still feel like the potential for exploration of time-paradox is untapped here. We have a device that when messed with changes the history of an individual, but the foundation is able to observe and compare their previous histories to that of their current. But right after establishing that, you go into the consequences of crossing the strands, and introduce the concept of alternate realities. But I feel like the first concept is the one to be explored.

I will say that this is better than the first iteration and will change to a no-vote.

Last edited on 14 Jul 2020 22:05 by Grigori Karpin Show more

Dr Wile 11 Jul 2020 23:48

I loved what you did with it (: Very fun to review and the ending makes me soft 👉👈
+1

gee0765 14 Jul 2020 15:02

The ending(s) here still don't really work. There's the note from the D-Class, that doesn't bring anything new or interesting to the table. I've got no reason to care about this person, and their goal of escaping from the foundation is painfully generic. The second note suddenly brings an entirely new set of characters into the article, and neither links to the other narrative effectively nor has enough substance to support the article on its own.

Dr Moned 14 Jul 2020 22:14

I am sorry it doesn't work for you. The names at the end are the Norns from the Norse mythology who are weavers of fate. I added a few Norse references throughout the articles to hopefully suggest why this was created, given the Norns weave fate with their bare hands. The D-Class note wasn't needed, but I thought it bare without that and unexplained.

Crow-Cat 22 Jul 2020 02:22

carried out with D-38389-1 and D-38389-2

Shouldn't this be 473218?

Dr Moned 23 Jul 2020 23:10

Thanks for the spot!