Big Bucks for Big Ducks
Crit Credit: Dr Moned,
Hexick,
Veralta,
MalyceGraves,
DianaBerry,
Jacob Conwell
SCP-5406 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5406.
Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.
You thought you could get away from my scrutiny by not having me crit this, hm? Well think again!
The Good
Honestly? Most of it. It's cute, it's intriguing, and it shows the Foundation utilizing anomalies to assist in local environmental efforts, something that the Foundation is not often shown doing, but is totally within my suspension of disbelief.
That being said, there were a few parts that caught my eye.
The Less Good
Observed instances range in size from approximately ten to twelve meters in length. The rubber ducks the instances reside within are identical in size, approximately eight meters in height and five meters in length,
This part reads a bit odd to me. The second sentence starts as though it's suggesting the rubber ducks are the same size as the 5406 instances. Perhaps "all of the rubber ducks are identical in size and shape to one another…." would read cleaner.
Foundation investigative agents were sent to investigate the civilian company known as Fukuoka Fun Factory, for possible connections to the origin of the SCP-5406.
I don't think the comma is needed here.
Through legal and financial litigation, the Foundation forced Fukuoka Fun Factory to sell their manufacturing
"legal litigation" is redundant. Perhaps "Through financial and litigious methods"?
The Solutions for Contaminative Petroleum Project is to organize public events in coastal regions heavily effected by petroleum-based pollution.
"Effected" should be "affected".
Under no circumstances is the biological nature of SCP-5406 instance to be revealed and are to remain known as rubber duck floatation units housing a cutting-edge water purification system.
You change verb plurality in this sentence without changing the subject. I would write this as "Under no circumstances is the biological nature of SCP-5406 instances to be revealed; they are to remain known as rubber duck floatation units housing a cutting-edge water purification system."
'Flotation' is also misspelled, oddly enough. Is that really the proper spelling? Huh.
- Keelung City, Taiwan (2)
- Kaohsiung City, Taiwan (1)
- Fukuoka, Japan (1)
- Incheon, South Korea (2)
- Yeosu, South Korea (1)
- Seoul, South Korea (3)
- Sydney, Australia (2)
I don't see an explanation for what the numbers in parentheses mean here.
The Completely Subjective
and composed of a synthetic waterproof rubber.
I think that 'waterproof synthetic rubber' reads a bit better.
Site-402 is located on the property formally housing Fukuoka Fun Factory's manufacturing facility,
This same information is stated at the end of the previous paragraph. I think one of the two could be trimmed to make it less repetitive.
Solutions for Contaminative Petroleum
You are a damn genius.
Foundation front company Sakura's Celebrations and Parades is to act as an intermediary
Seriously how are you so good at coming up with these
In addition, portable restroom facilities, child-friendly attractions, alcohol vendors, as well as other local event-oriented businesses are to be employed.
This reads a tad clunky, I would recommend replacing "as well as" with "and".
Due to the financial and ecological benefits of the program, Site-402 has been approved to continue operations until 2030, at which time its status will be reevaluated.
2030 just seems a bit arbitrary. Don't financial reevaluations normally take place once every 5 or 10 years, not 12? Totally subjective, but just struck me as a bit odd.
The Wrap-Up
It's yet another Akimoto skip. Honestly, I cannot fathom how you manage to produce so many quality articles so quickly. I've crit a fair bit for you here and there, but this one slipped under my radar, so I thought it was only fair to offer my thoughts in a more official capacity. The narrative of the Foundation's interactions with the Japanese government is interesting, and the anomaly is not super complex or difficult to understand. It's an easy upvote for me despite the issues mentioned above, because they were minor enough to not really take me out of it.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to Doctor Fullham or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Simple, short and shows the Foundation can think beyond "contain weird thing" - though I guess deploying helpful anomalies would fall within the purview of the rest of the world "living in the light". +1
WARNING: Possible non-entity found.
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