The Hungry Man / Wendigo Man

Summary:

Humanoid that sees the future and transforms when hungry.

The Hungry Man / Wendigo Man

CapedBaldy 24 Jun 2020 04:10

An intelligent human with limited capability to see into the near future. When hungry, it transforms into a flesh-devouring monster.

I moved and trimmed your thread summary, since it was taking up extra space in the main forum screen. Try to keep thread descriptions (the text in the little box under the thread title) and titles short so you don't crowd out other authors in the forum listing. ~Zyn

Seeking Greenlights: Yes, but Needing feedback first

Page Type: SCP Article

**Genre ** Horror

Elevator Pitch:

A Euclid class SCP that appears to be a regular human capable of seeing glimpses of the near future. The Foundation uses its ability to catch potential breaches ahead of time.

However, if it gets too hungry, it transforms into a wild, flesh devouring monster until it is sated.

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Central Narrative:

A Euclid class SCP that seems like an otherwise intelligent, social, well spoken human. It is useful for the Foundation because it is capable of seeing limited glimpses into the near future, though it doesn't seem fully in control of this ability. This ability is limited in scope to things within a few miles of proximity to it and a few hours time. The Foundation uses SCP-XXXX to help detect potential breaches of other SCPS before they happen, but this also makes it more adept at breaking free of its own containment.

When SCP-XXXX reaches a threshold of hunger, it transforms, its hands elongating into claws about 1 meter long, with similar elongation of its teeth. Its jaw unhinges and it can swallow things much larger than what is normal. In this state, SCP-XXXX's body becomes hot, its cheeks and eyes bloodshot, and develops an odor similar in smell to sulfur and rotten eggs. If SCP-XXXX continues unfed, these features become increasingly exaggerated.

In this state, intelligence and to communication ability drastically reduces, with SCP-XXXX only able to communicate simple phrases about wanting meat or flesh. The only way to get SCP-XXXX out of this state is to feed it large quantities of meat. SCP-XXXX claims to only want human flesh but will consume whatever meat it is given.

Hook/Attention-Grabber:

I think the main attention grabbing portions are that this thing is useful to the Foundation, it is capable of disguising itself as a regular human, can evade capture by seeing how it will be captured, and that if it does escape could wildly devour everything in its path.

Additional Notes:

So there are two things I need help with:

1) Containment ideas. Not sure where to go with this one.

2) Is it already done? Is it too similar to SCP-96 or the Creepypasta the Rake? I think I've done enough to differentiate it?

3) I'm trying to decide if it is better to have SCP-XXXX be docile and remorseful in it's human form, or manipulative and purposely trying to escape? What are your thoughts?

4) Any other feedback that would help this along? Eager to get this written.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 24 Jun 2020 04:27 by CapedBaldy Show more

Re: The Hungry Man / Wendigo Man

Benji_the_Blue 25 Jun 2020 18:23

Hey CapedBaldy, I'm not a proper reviewer nor can I provide you with your long-desired green light, but you should still take my feedback to heart, and if you haven't already you can DM a member of the butterfly squad for a proper review. But right now let's begin.

+ Title for showing text

First of all, the most jarring problem in your article and the problem that basically threw me off your entire idea was the juxtaposing personalities it just seems so random and out of nowhere.

• A man that is intelligent and polite
• He can see into the future
• When he's hungry he turns crazy murderous rake

One thing is not like the others, this doesn't mean personality changes are inherently bad, take 096 for example that article its insanely popular, but in SCP-096 they made his enraged stage and docile state somewhat interconnected, in his docile state he's deformed and malnourished, indicating some sort of monstrous or inhuman behaviour so when he starts killing people it's not so distracting, while yours doesn't have any of that, two completely different personalities with no relation to one another.

Secondly, there's no story or plot just a man who kills people and can see into the future, it seems very gen1 to me. I bet you in the last 12 months no articles have been created without a interweaved story within it, whether that's exploration logs, interview logs and or experiment logs, they all add to the story and character.

My final thoughts and suggestions are to just should start over, think of something new, that break the mould, right now you have something that's shallow and boring. You could create something great. All you have to do is really spent dedicated time brainstorming of new ideas and executing something vast.

Good luck
Dr G

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 24 Jun 2020 04:19

Author, as per the Ideas Critique required reading: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13095662/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas the last four sections of the template (Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes) should not exceed 400 words. What you have here is almost 80 words over the limit. Please trim your material accordingly.

Remember to please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of your first comment rather than creating a new thread.

Once you have revised your post accordingly, please reach out to reviewers to request that they look at your thread. You can find a list of ways to contact reviewers in this thread: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

CapedBaldy 24 Jun 2020 04:20

Whoops. Noted. Apologies. Here I was all proud of myself for following the format too ;).

Re: The Hungry Man / Wendigo Man

caspian2 27 Jun 2020 05:03

Summoned via PM:

Hey there CapedBaldy. Let’s take a look at your concept together.

Jekyll had more than a father’s interest;

So I think you’re falling into the same trap that many new writers do: you’re trying to do too much with pieces that don’t necessarily connect. For example, this is totally fine on its own:

a regular human capable of seeing glimpses of the near future. The Foundation uses its ability to catch potential breaches ahead of time.

Why complicate it with another anomaly that is so foreign in concept to the first one:

if it gets too hungry, it transforms into a wild, flesh devouring monster until it is sated.

When you have totally foreign concepts such as these, you will find some difficulty yourself in explaining the base concept. For example, later on, you mention:

it is capable of disguising itself as a regular human, can evade capture by seeing how it will be captured, and that if it does escape could wildly devour everything in its path.

So my question would be which is it? What is the main hook you want to draw your readers in with? Is it the ability to see into the future or transform into a monster?

I would highly suggest you revise the pitch and stick to one base concept. Tell us more about the scip’s backstory in terms of how/why he got this far-seeing powers. If you want to go the monster route, likewise explain to us why he transforms into a creature?

I’m getting real Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde sort of vibes here as well. Not sure if you were referencing the book, but you should definitely check it out and see that even with different characters in one story, the author(s) used the theme of scientific intellect vs our base animalistic instincts to show a stark contrast between both narratives.

If you decide to revise your concept, do drop me another PM and I’ll do my best to reply. For now, all the best!