picture
There's something off about the picture. The shadows, the floor, the way the bottom of the door overlaps with the floor, the scuffs on the door that seem too artistically-placed - the whole image feels like it's been photoshopped together. Unless it's already the case, I'd try to find a real image if you can.
superposed between an unknown amount of realities.
What does "realities" mean in this context? Are we talking akin to whole new worlds like SCP-093, or just slightly different timelines? Or realities with no visible differences at all? I'd like to see an explanation of this in the description.
"Schrodinger Cat"
It's Schrödinger - umlaut over the O - and the experiment's name is Schrödinger's cat. No need for the quotemarks.
the cat is both dead and alive.
No need to bold words in the description, it comes off as patronising. This document is intended to be seen by professional research staff.
I'd prefer "the cat can be considered to be both dead and alive."
This special state of being
This superposed state
Note from Dr. Grey:
I am so excited! My first SCP! I cant wait!
Pick one of "Ms. Grey" and "Dr. Grey" and be consistent, unless they refer to different people. Also, given that you've acknowledged you're using a Junior Researcher instead of a regular researcher specifically, I'm expecting to see a little unprofessionalism, but this is just too far. This is the sort of thing I'd expect Ms. Grey to think but nobody would ever physically write that.
I repeat, D-3903, do you hear me?
Unnecessary, but in-character.
can you tell me what your surroundings are like?
I'd prefer "can you describe your surroundings"… but again, this is consistently in-character.
D-3903: I have a name ya know.
I've never been a fan of 'D-Class slang' that I see in a lot of article. I'd prefer "I have a name, you know." It just makes the D-Class feel less like a gimmick and more like a person.
Noting that I'm going to go all the way down a single path before I go through and look at the rest.
Fine, I see a tree… (1)
You're copy-pasting the whole article between offsets? Ouch. There's gotta be a more efficient way to do that - I feel for you.
You could possibly have the description and beginning of the exploration log on the parent page, and then have the fragment pages contain bits of the exploration log. Might save you a bit of time if you need to change something in the description. Regardless, it works, so it's fine.
I'd make all the text that the reader has already read slightly transparent (or a slightly lighter grey), so it's clear where to read next.
I ginormous tree. It must be at least 30, maybe even 40 meters wide, and at least twice as tall as a skyscraper.
"A ginormous?"
I know that I wouldn't be able to pull comparisons like that right off the top of my head - maybe not even identify it as a tree right away. This description sort of bounces over the shock of seeing such a huge tree - it's implied that D-3903 has already observed, reacted to, and analysed it before mentioning it at all.
Around 7 minutes of heavy breathing
Nothing from Dr. Grey during this time?
I see a red carpet… (4)
I'd say its so that way we don't get to attached
it's, too
D-3903: Whats wrong?
What's
But what about Fredrick? Hank? Jessica?
Why would D-3903 think Grey knows these names?
This section rubs me the wrong way. Sure, D-Class termination is as canon and as non-canon as anything else (Schrödinger's cat, ha), but I don't think it's generally done these days… it's sort of fallen out of favour. Using the reveal of D-Class termination as a shock tactic certainly has almost zero value anymore. I guess I can't really make a more knowledgable comment until I've seen the other paths.
I'm in a city… (14)
Dr. Grey: Can enter one of the buildings?
Can you
D-3903 failed to enter several buildings on account of a locked front door
Slightly awkward wording - maybe "D-3903 attempted to enter several buildings but found that all front doors were locked."
What is its interior like?
Slightly awkward wording again - maybe "What's the interior like?"
I'm on… floor 42?!
How does he know this? Assuming he read a sign, would he even think to look for a sign to read? The "I'm on…" implies that he's looking for one.
Maybe "Alright, I'm upstairs. Uh, there's a sign here that says I'm on floor 42. That doesn't make any sense, it was just one flight of stairs."
You think that your traps me, but it doesn't.
Having some real trouble parsing this line.
Assuming you meant "your door", you've now defined the door as some important containment artifact that probably should've been deeply foreshadowed.
And then it just ends. Everything after "A few moments later" should be outside of the test log. You've summed up a huge containment breach in a couple of lines.
These instances proceeded to kill ██ personnel, and indirectly caused the breach of SCP-████, ████, ████, and ████.
You're straying deep into cliche "big bad monster that kills things" territory here. There's almost zero narrative significance to this floating eye monster, it just appears and then it kills things.
A few moments later Ms. Grey could be seen entering SCP-XXXX
And you've got a compulsion effect on top of that.
Noting that, because Grey entered the door unobserved by anyone, I'm expecting to see the same ending in all cases.
Okay, going back to the start.
Fine, I see a meadow… (2)
So far so good, the only thing that's different is the environment.
Dialogue is a little clunky. Try reading it back to yourself, out loud, see if it feels natural.
Alright, I'm in a cave… (13)
Dr. Grey: What color are they?
Weirdly specific question. I'd expect D-3903 to have mentioned this detail already.
Dr. Grey: Can you get a closer look at this moss, and describe its physical attributes?
Why is she so obsessed with the moss? Get back to exploring.
I see ███████… (17)
No comment for now.
I'm going to go back a step and pick the other option.
Alright, I'm in an icy clearing… (16)
Also no comment for now. I'm going to circle back and cover this later, but in the meantime I want to read a couple more paths.
Alright, I see a red carpet… (3)
I picked this one because I'd read a red carpet offset before and I'd like to see how this one is different.
Looks like it's exactly the same, apart from different choices at the end.
Okay, I think I've seen enough.
I had a poke around the extra stuff at the bottom of the page and found the "secret" ending, though I've no idea how you're expecting the average user to arrive there.
