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Horror
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Elevator Pitch:
It's basically a retelling of 'At The Mountains of Madness' but with an AI.
Central Narrative:
Hook/Attention-Grabber:
Lovecraft; but in spaaaace!; or, Lovecarft; but this could actually be a reality in our universe.
Additional Notes:
This idea is partly based on the 'Sleeping Giants' theory to explain the Fermi Paradox; we don't see aliens because they are sleeping. This could mean anything from hibernation to waiting until near the end of the universe when it is colder and computers are faster.
They don't want a new rival to gobble up all the resources whilst they are waiting, so ships are seeded in the galaxy to destroy younger races.
A general outline of the whole story as-is has been placed here.
The first question I have to ask is:
"how did the Foundation manage to contain the probes?"
The second question is about: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2399
How does your scp-XXXX compare in terms of approach to scp-2399?
"how did the Foundation manage to contain the probes?"
Good question, I hadn't gotten around to posting the story skeleton yet, and that glosses over the answer, too.
It was already here, on Earth. The probe is small and built itself out into a underground temple.
I imagine that it has been here for a very, very long time. Maybe it tried and failed (for some reason), and now does not entirely work is in some way exhausted of resources.
Regarding 2399, I think I'll have to have a re-read of that one and make sure there is not overlap. You are right that it is the same basic premise, though.
Thanks!
Staff notice: this user has been permanently banned.
I have a few answers for you:
How does the Foundation learn what the motives behind the AI are and the history of the sleeping civilization?
They're likely not going to know the full extent of the sleeping civilisations history. I imagine space Nazis basically, lots of obvious jingoism and imperial pomp. The Foundation would eventually make their way to a control room of some kind where a lot of this could be supposed from architecture, symbols, etc.
May be difficult to convince the audience on how the Foundation tricked the superior AI.
It's not superior. I'm picturing the creator race as paranoid that this thing will itself become a rival and deliberately shackle it, only releasing it to specific levels as needed to combat what it finds on a planet. So the Foundation are actually dealing with a 'sleeping giant' (pardon the pun), not a fully aware and unshackled AI. And they want to keep it that way.
Does the corruption you mentioned come from the religion? Or some technology derived from the drone?
Well, the 'corruption' is more an abstract concept of inserting damaging ideas into a culture. Have you seen the Stargate series where they tackled the Ori? They created a religion that deliberately prevented followers from ascending, and instead made them more powerful.
Using anomalous religion to suppress humanity seems like a kind of awkward method coming from a technologically advanced AI.
This is a good point. Why not just nuke us from orbit? I can think of reasons; this way other civilisations do not see us develop and then get wiped out makes them aware that something is on a genocidal rampage, but I doubt that I could put that across in the story.
One solution is that it is not an AI in the vessel, but a member of their species that has also been shackled/digitally lobotomised and they are actually trying to build out their empire or something. Again, not allowed access to their full capability to prevent them from becoming a rival or threat to the mother species.
This could be a tale, especially as this is ripped off from Lovecraft anyway. ;)
Below is a skeleton of the whole narrative, should you want it:
I'm really not sure about this conceptually; there's definitely a lot of pretty fun ideas in here but it feels…too much like it doesn't quite go anywhere interesting to work?
Like, it's very much an exploration style log and there's some cool elements, but it doesn't really…end with like, a big discovery or anything so much as just a quiet 'yeah we're just gonna pretend to be in the stone age still' (which, surely should be a trivial illusion to see through if the exploration team was on the ship? Like, guns and radios and stuff are very obviously not stone age tech and also very obvious if you have any kind of internal monitoring systems at all; and even if the probe didn't, surely it'd have some kind of external ones that'd detect like, tv and radio broadcasts and stuff?)
More to the point, if the entire point of the probe is to suppress humanity, but the probe was like, always here, why did it not like, do it's job very well? If it's so bad at it's job, why do the Foundation worry enough to create this big, complex illusion?
TL;DR: this really needs a stronger ending. I think the journey to get there could definitely be fun but I don't think it wraps up in a satisfying way.
Thanks so much for the critique!
TL;DR: this really needs a stronger ending.
Um, yeah. I think you've hit the nail on the head here. How to make a more interesting ending; it just peters out into an unsatisfactory conclusion at the moment.
surely it'd have some kind of external ones that'd detect like, tv and radio broadcasts and stuff?
I do have some reasons for this, but it is something that I have struggled with. Too much would just be 'it happened to be that way, how fortunate!' and that is not good enough.
why did it not like, do it's job very well?
Similar to the above, 'just lucky I guess' is not a satisfactory answer.
Again, thanks for the critique! This is really helpful in developing a proper article, and I do want to put the effort in to get it accepted onto the site!
Placeholder! Got summoned via PM to take a look-see. Will crit in a bit.
Alright, here’s my take.
My first concern when it comes to this concept is that you don’t actually go into much detail as to how the probe ‘creates a religion’, and how exactly that religion would suppress anything. My mind jumps to the “Missionaria Protectiva” described in the Dune series of books, which goes into specific detail regarding a series of superstitions taught to ‘primitive’ worlds to protect people who would visit them. I’d like to see similar details regarding your alien civilization’s plans for the probe.
I’d also like to agree with other critters who have mentioned that the ending is rather anti-climactic. You have established a plan for considerable tension when it comes to the probes potentially ravaging the Earth; releasing that tension with the Foundation just…tricking the AI doesn’t feel like much of an ending at all, at least without considerable details to back up their victory.
Thank you cybersqyd and Sonderance for responding!
I've been having a think about what I can do to resolve the issues that you've brought up.
I'll post them here when I've developed something better than I have now.
Having taken the criticisms on board, I've revised the concept somewhat. I think that there is a stronger ending.
In the fold below, there is a short, 200 word, summary of the new direction:
Central Narrative:
• Foundation discovers an AI probe in Antarctica.
• Voices over the radio; the first (named Alpha by the Foundation) offers to provide advanced technology if spiritual beliefs are followed, the second (named Omega) claims the first lies.
• MTF journeys into ice caverns, head down to the land far below.
• The voices are from two battling AIs on an alien probe.
• Foundation informed (by Omega) that Alpha was created by a totalitarian Theocracy, that sought to convert aliens to their religion by promising advanced technology.
• Once done, a gateway would be built back to the home world and the invasion would be complete.
• Omega was sent out later, after a revolution had taken place on the homeworld, with the intention to undo any damage or disable any still existing probes.
• Foundation agree to assist Omega, and together they push back Alpha.
• Eventually Alpha escapes through a gateway it has constructed to the home planet.
• Omega and Foundation follow some hours later when they are next able.
• Discover Alpha’s ‘corpse’. The AI has committed suicide upon seeing the state of its homeworld.
• Its determined that the aliens wiped themselves out at some point after the launch of Omega.
I don't know if this still fits within the loose cannon of the wiki. I also don't know what would happen to Omega, as I think this could be made into a focus of the article.
I do consider that this direction looses the 'exploration' aspect that I was expecting to make up a portion of the story before. I worry that I haven't replaced it with something as interesting.
Here is a much longer, more detailed story skeleton:
• Staff at an Antarctic research station report picking up odd radio communications.
• The recordings are manic - sometimes they are offers to 'enlighten' humans and provide technology, and sometimes they plead with listeners to ignore the messages and leave the area.
• The voice, however, is always calm and reasoned. Both 'sides' seem genuine in their attempts to persuade listeners.
• Subsequently there are also reports of strange creatures in the snow. They seem to focus on digging through the snow, but some fight and others seem to just 'dematerialise' immediately after creation. The 'projections' do not correspond to any native Earth animal.
• The Foundation discovers this and moves in.
• Foundation teams explore the area from the research station, either fending off or avoiding the ephemeral snow creatures.
• Eventually a series of passageways is discovered that lead down into the ice (and ultimately the rock of the continent).
• An MTF is sent in to investigate the artificial cave system.
• The caves become structures, but are illogical. Much seems to have been constructed over the top of previous work. Other parts are the wrong size, misaligned or outright destroyed.
• All the while they continue to detect the radio broadcasts.
• Eventually the Foundation staff are addressed directly by both 'sides'.
• The voice that promises enlightenment, named Voice Alpha, states that it was given a mission of peace. In exchange for adopting the spiritual beliefs of its creators, the AI (for that is what it is) will share advanced technology.
• The other, Voice Omega, states that this is not the whole truth and gives more information.
• It explains the world that built the probes was a totalitarian theocracy.
• At some point, it built probes/ships run by AIs that would attempt to convert other intelligent species they came across to the beliefs of the creators, by fair means or foul.
• With the addition that the aliens would be welcomed as overlords when they finally arrive. The offer of technology was true, but ultimately ended with the construction of a gateway back to the alien's homeworld for them to invade.
• Of course, by this point the 'religion' of the aliens would be in total control anyway.
• Omega explains that at some point after the launch of the probes, a revolution took place that overthrew the theocracy.
• One of the decisions of the new society was to disable the AI on board the probes sent out.
• But after the destruction of the revolution and without full knowledge of the system on the probes, Omega is not completely adequate to destroy Alpha.
• The two are locked in a stalemate that switches between the two.
• Each attempting to construct machines or facilities to combat or deceive the other (as in the case of the weird buildings and snow creatures).
• Omega, though a technically superior AI, has only managed to parasitised itself onto Alpha's system, and does not have full control.
• Alpha's response was to greatly expand its processing capability to combat Omega.
• After learning this information from Omega, the Foundation (though suspicious of both sides) decides to provide help to Omega.
• Foundation MTF groups begin collapsing tunnels, and destroying Alpha's creatures.
• Alpha is secured in a fortified server, whilst Omega has been fighting a guerrilla campaign from the damaged probe, forced to dedicate most of its resources to defence.
• Now with the assistance of the Foundation, Omega is winning. In a desperate bid to achieve its mission, Alpha has built a gateway back to the homeworld to flee through and bring reinforcements.
• Alpha leaves through the gateway.
• Although Omega is confident that Alpha will only discover that the civilisation that it was serving is now long gone, it and the Foundation personnel discuss means of defending in case the Theocracy is back in power.
• Omega also wishes to go through the gateway in case Alpha decides to complete its mission by re-creating the Theocracy on the homeworld.
• However, the gateway reactivates and all of Alpha's remaining systems shutdown.
• The Foundation and Omega explore the other side.
• The planet is a lifeless, nuclear-blasted hellscape. It has suffered a nuclear war at some point. Alpha has committed suicide.
I'm not personally a fan of the new narrative here; it feels, overly complex and also heavily reliant on the Foundation choosing to support Omega with really not much reason to beyond what it claims. But beyond this, it feels kinda a little generic? Like it's playing out almost the same plot as Contact but with the aliens being actually on earth too; and nothing like, that unsurprising or particularly interesting happens?
I didn't really read your long plot summary because it was like 720 words long and not hugely interesting; but it seems to me that this is a thing which has a lot of details it's bogged down in: I think perhaps the problem you're running into is that the core just isn't interesting enough for you to build something interesting off.
My suggestion: keep this simple; figure out what the core of the narrative is here: like, maybe it's the conflict between the Alpha and Omega AI and then you can just explore the Foundation say, trying to figure out which one to trust; and then you'd just need to establish what the consequences of the failure is and how the argument plays out and escalates.
