Seeking Greenlights: A man with a box wants out

Summary:

[thread locked, repeat]

Seeking Greenlights: Local man accidentally uno reverse cards himself

AltAcc 05 Jun 2020 18:51

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: an immortal man with an intense fear of death is contained, and he wants out.

Central Narrative: A former Prometheus Labs employee with a fear of death escapes, and takes a device with him. He spends a decade tweaking the stolen device, and is able to reverse the aging process. Unable to die from age related diseases, he just chills for a bit, being all immortal and shit. However, as he's hanging out, baking bread, an accident causes the device to make a batch of yeast go sicko mode. This, naturally, grabs the SCP foundation's attention, and they arrive on the scene. They contain him and his device, but he's having none of it. Chaos ensues

Hook/Attention-Grabber: the man has a deathly fear of death (hehe), because it would put an end to his freedom of choice, as you can't make choices when you're dead. Containment, obviously, would put an end to his freedom of choice as well, so to the man, he has just died. The machine he created to avoid death has just "killed" him, and he's not happy about it. That's his motivation, and would explain why he so desperately wants to escape. It's also a pretty slick thematic tie, don't you think?

Additional Notes: The guy escaped from the Prometheus Labs site located in the Jurassic period via a temporal anomaly, and even though he left, he still doesn't want them to be found by the foundation, so he's trying to cover that up.

Additional Notes+: Due to the nature of the man's immortality, he also possesses an ability to gradually reshape his internal structure, moving, tweaking and even generating new tissue/organs. This, combined with his advanced knowledge of physics and biology from his time at Prometheus Labs, grad-school, and own research, makes his escape attempts more threatening than him just punching a padded wall. The box works by causing rapid genetic mutations, which the man tweaked carefully over the course of many years. As a result, the device is quite "specific" for lack of a better word, and if anything, or even anybody else was to use it, the results would be quite unpredictable, which is what caused the yeast to go crazy and stupid.

Last edited on 06 Jun 2020 00:47 by AltAcc Show more

Admin Post - Info - Closed

Zyn 06 Jun 2020 05:28

Locking this thread as another exists for the same concept in progress. Reviewers, please comment here: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13399231/seeking-greenlights

As per the Ideas Critique forum required reading: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas Please do not create multiple threads for the same working concept. Using one thread helps keep spam down, and prevents flooding of the forums with repeat threads. Furthermore, it helps reviewers a lot if all corresponding feedback is kept in one place so they can follow the development of the idea and its details.

If you're having trouble getting further replies on a thread, you can look at this thread for options to contact reviewers: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

More info here because of the advice I received from the helpful folks at the IRC chat

AltAcc 05 Jun 2020 22:11

Additional Notes +: Due to the nature of the man's immortality, he also possesses an ability to gradually reshape his internal structure, moving, tweaking and even generating new tissue/organs. This, combined with his advanced knowledge of physics and biology from his time at Prometheus Labs, grad-school, and own research, makes him potentially very threatening. The box works by causing rapid genetic mutations, which the man tweaked carefully over the course of many years. As a result, the device is quite "specific" for lack of a better word, and if anything, or even anybody else was to use it, the results would be quite unpredictable.

big oopsie, please ignore

Last edited on 06 Jun 2020 00:10 by AltAcc Show more

Re: Seeking Greenlights: A man with a box wants out

MalyceGraves 06 Jun 2020 04:27

Summoned from #thecritters. Critique follows:

+ Critique

There is little about this post that really excites me. The way it is pitched is such that a lot of the detail is just absent and I really have no idea how you intend to actually write this. The clever pretense has actually obfuscated the point you are trying to make and just falls flat.

Aside from that, I fail to see really where the story lies, or how you intend to tell it. Is this a backstory situation where the bulk of the narrative is how he ended up in containment? Or is it in his repeated attempts at escape? How are you circumventing the myriad ways the Foundation has at its disposal to prevent such things?

Why doesn't the Foundation just separate this man from his box? What would that do? Does his immortality extend to invulnerability? If so, can he just regenerate damaged tissue or do bullets and the like just bounce off? What about fire? Or Thaumaturgy?

What would happen if the Foundation just sets up an SRA next to his cell. Does he just expire?

Even so, this doesn't seem much more than a poorly-written Mary Sue.

I will not be giving this a greenlight as it is currently written.

Re: Seeking Greenlights: A man with a box wants out

AltAcc 06 Jun 2020 04:38

The clever pretense has actually obfuscated the point you are trying to make and just falls flat. I'm a bit unclear about the meaning of this, and I would appreciate it if you could elaborate.

I can assure you that many of the "plot holes" you mentioned will be covered up in the article, and I apologize if some of it seems ambiguous, I'll do my best to clarify those points with the limited space I have left. As for the fire an bullets part, I think that the foundation would be hesitant to use these methods, as they could be fatal, and the SCP foundation is very much against killing anomalies.

As for the Mary sue part, I fail to see how this character is a Mary Sue. This is likely due to my inexperience as a writer, however, I would still appreciate it if you could clarify how I could fix these issues. After all, a critique is useless if the author doesn't know what to do with it.

Last edited on 06 Jun 2020 04:46 by AltAcc Show more