SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Summary:

Seeking GreenLights/Critiques

SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 28 May 2020 17:45

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Emotional

Elevator Pitch: A Human male who has the ability to create animated drawings that have the ability to interact with other objects inside the canvas.

The SCP is a very passionate professional artist who is able to draw very surreal images. The scp is a normal human

Characters drawn by the SCP do not show any signs of sentience and only have the ability to interact with other objects only inside it’s canvas.

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Objects drawn with water colors however have the ability to essentially come out if it’s two-dimensional environment to our world. Objects such as a frisbee, a hammer, and silverware have been proven to work exactly like its realistic counterpart and only differ by its appearance, appearing as a 3D watercolor image. Food however, when eaten, is just paint and not real food. After 2 days, these objects would turn back to paint.

Characters drawn Using watercolors by the SCP have sentience and seem to have a special Bond with SCP.

• Do what only the scp says but refuses to commit violent acts
• After 2 days they will return back to their drawing with no anomalous effects

If a painting is named it can have the ability to come in and out of their painting by the scps command

Central Narrative: The Narrative would center around the backstory of the SCP discovered through a interview log

• The Scp was orphaned at a very young age Neglect from foster parents causing depression in the SCP The SCP drawing to cope with feelings of loneliness and discovery of his powers and how it affected his life
• The creation of his 2 watercolor puppies and now huskies Nova and Casper with the ability to remember the scp
• The SCP’s passion for art and teaching himself how to create masterpieces

This would then lead to the scp selling his creations and the foundation taking him into containment

Upon being contained the following occurs:

• The scp’s drawings and art supplies are all confiscated except a normal pencil and paper, including his pets The SCP begs for his pets but his requests are declined
• The scp then attempts to breach containment by using tears as paint to create items to escape containment revealing a new hidden ability
• After being placed back in containment during a forced interview The Scp would then explain the importance of these dogs and how they keep him mentally sane And how they help him throughout his childhood from his abusers and asks if he can please have his pets and he’ll comply with them.
• His request is granted

Hook/Attention-Grabber: An emotional bond between a young boy and his water colored puppies to deal with the pain of loneliness

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. Also, please note the Ideas Critique required reading wordcount limit; your post is about 20 words over. ~Zyn

Last edited on 16 Jun 2020 07:16 by Noplzmichael Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

DianaBerry 28 May 2020 18:05

[Summoned by pm, placeholder, will critique asap]

You had me until these points:

Characters drawn Using watercolors by the SCP, however, will attack anyone who tries to communicate with the SCP as to which protecting their creator.

Upon taking the piece home, Instances of SCP-XXXX-2 came out of the painting and murdered the couple when unable to find their creator. Local police notified the foundation when the watercolored humans attempted to attack officers with blooded kitchen knifes.

unaware of the fact that some of his creations can be very violent to unsuspecting victims

I like the base idea, it's neat. We've had many like it, but of course there are still ways to make it tell its own story. But the violence in this pitch feels very out of place and just tacked in there. Not all anomalies have to be violent. Art pieces that attack people cause they love their creator just personally doesn't make a lot of sense. Why would these otherwise peaceful characters and creations attack people? "Oh they attack people scary violent" is something that is hard to do right.

Instead, maybe try to focus more on the SCP itself. What is his story? Where did he learn to draw? Why does he like to draw? How has his anomaly affected his life? I would try to take a lighter angle with this, or possibly an emotional one, not a horror twist. With an article, you should try to focus on a story you want to tell. What emotion do you want the audience to feel? What should your article convey?

I recommend these guides:

+ Open Guides List

A Few Examples Of Things Not To Do In An SCP And What To Do Instead

Essays on Style

Ideation: A Guide To Making Good Ideas Out Of Nothing

Rules of Thumb

How Not To Walk Your Dog: Poor Pacing In The SCP Format

Common SCP Pitfalls

Part I - Introduction & Ideation

Part II - Narrative & Originality

Hope I could help! Good luck!

Last edited on 28 May 2020 22:03 by DianaBerry Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 29 May 2020 00:37

Thank you for your critique! I was stuck with my SCP and didn’t know what to do this helped me a lot

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

DianaBerry 31 May 2020 22:19

[Placeholder, summoned once more by pm, will leave additional critique asap]

First, I'm glad I could help you! You never know how far the smallest suggestion can bring you. Now, onto the additional critique!

An emotional bond between a young boy and his water colored puppies to deal with the pain of loneliness

This is a hook that could work, I think this storyline is better than your originally presented one, though I'm still a bit iffy on it. I know I said you should focus more on the backstory of the SCP, but I feel like what you presented is a story that's been seen before. I think what would help you best is if you try to think of an interesting/unique way to tell the story. You have a clear emotional backstory, but try to think of something that would make this story stand out from your average abused humanoid.

Maybe try look at an emotional angle that's a different emotion rather than sad. The 'oh no he's sad in containment since they took his stuff away' is a little bit cliche. Avoiding cliches can be hard, but the right guides and resources can be an excellent aid for that. A good twist on something standard could be an interesting article. Tell us an old story in a new way.

Hope I could help! Good luck!

Last edited on 31 May 2020 22:56 by DianaBerry Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 09 Jun 2020 21:03

Here is a more unique and revised version of the central narrative

Central Narrative: The Narrative would center around the backstory of the SCP during the first interview

• The Scp was a young and struggling artist during the end of the renaissance era
• The Scp discovered its effects and used it to gain publicity
• The SCP the discovered watercolors and it’s anomalous effects and used it to create his two watercolored pets, who he developed a special bond with, since he was a lonely orphaned person during his time
• Upon using oil paints the Scp became trapped in his own painting unable to escape or move and the painting was found outside his home and placed in a museum (other people except the scp are unable to Enter the painting)
• in the early 2010s while the painting was being moved into another location, the painting was dropped into a puddle and the negligent movers threw it away allowing the scp to escape unnoticed and return to his old home and retrieve his pets
• The SCP would then adapt to the new era and would try to sell his art again leading to his containment

Upon being contained the following occurs:

• The scp’s drawings and art supplies are all confiscated except a normal pencil and paper, including his pets
• The SCP begs for his pets but his requests are declined
• The scp then attempts to breach containment by using tears as paint to create items to escape containment revealing a new hidden ability
• After being placed back in containment during a forced interview The Scp would then explain the importance of these dogs and how they keep him mentally sane And how they help him throughout his time in his era and asks if he can please have his pets and he’ll comply with them.
• His request is granted

Hook/Attention-Grabber:An emotional bond between a Lonely artist and his painted pets

Last edited on 09 Jun 2020 21:10 by Noplzmichael Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

cybersqyd 29 May 2020 12:17

Hm; this definitely feels like a really good start to an idea: you've setup a lot of fun, emotional pieces here, from the sad story of the SCP to the like, touching interaction between him and his watercolour dog, and like, it's a great space to write a story in.

But at the moment, it kinda feels…like you haven't quite done that? I don't really think the most compelling aspect here is like, the backstory per se so much as how he's contained: you could, for example, do a really fascinating story about the Foundation separating them and the impact on his mental health, and have that escalate until you reach some kind of ending (perhaps them being reunited, perhaps something sadder like e.g, the dog dying sad and alone).

I'm, a touch unsure about this being like a generic thing he does every time/any time as opposed to a one off thing: it feels, perhaps, like you'd be able to have a much bigger emotional impact without the lessening of it with the implied 'he could make another dog' (which like, obviously isn't the same; perhaps playing with that here could help? like he makes other dogs and it's not the same; you could use this to help with the escalation maybe).

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 29 May 2020 17:59

Thank you for your critique! I have used your advice and added it to the story

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

RockTeethMothEyes 29 May 2020 20:09

Responding to PM request.

---

I don't see why the Foundation would let the artist keep or have access to art supplies, since they are the crux of his abilities. I could see it maybe being one thing that he's allowed to do to be pacified. However, the containment breach takes me out of it, and that's assuming he has the means to use his abilities to break out of containment. It feels like he does this thing he isn't supposed to, and then gets what he wants anyway with little justification. He broke order, so why is he getting rewarded for it?

I think what needs to happen here is a clear display that being away from this dog is a detriment to his health. Now, what I'm going to suggest is a bit dark.

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This breach is totally possible, but not within the confines of traditional art. You can get really creative with this and play with whatever the artist is allowed to have. This could be

• Food
• Clothes
• Art supplies that are low-risk containment concerns, such as pencils and paper since the out-of-canvas effects are strictly watercolor beings.
• Bodily fluids.

Any of these things could be used to make a sort of "faux-watercolor" painting, surely.

I remember seeing somewhere that, when getting a diagnosis to see a therapist or something of the like, the best course of action is to get into detail about your worst days, because otherwise they won't take you seriously and you may be denied the help you can receive. With that in mind, the artist making an example of what their attachment to this dog is like could create some very effective imagery of what lengths they are willing to go to. Now, this is very extreme and might be a bit of a suspension break because, seriously? for a fake dog? you did all that? So part of this hinges on sinking the importance of this dog to the artist.

I'm rambling now, so I'll wrap this up. If this is the course of action you plan to take, with the artist breaching containment for a dog they love, then it needs to be believable. They can't just breach, get put back in, and then be rewarded for breaking the rules.

Last edited on 29 May 2020 22:57 by RockTeethMothEyes Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 30 May 2020 22:24

Thank you for your critique I’ve gone ahead and implemented your advice into my pitch!

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Naveil 31 May 2020 20:22

Responding to PM Request

So on the surface, I do like the emotional story you're trying to tell here. It's a neat piece that can potentially evoke sympathy really well. That being said, there are a few things that concern me.

Characters drawn by the SCP do not show any signs of sentience and only have the ability to interact with other objects only inside it’s canvas.
The creation of his 2 watercolor puppies and now huskies Nova and Casper with the ability to remember the scp

So you're sorta contradicting yourself here. If the characters aren't sentient, how do the dogs cheer him up? Additionally, I don't really think having the drawings not be sentient is even a good idea to begin with, since it nullifies some of the emotional energy you're going for. Maybe it's just me, but when I initially read your pitch, I sorta envisioned a bunch of drawing friends around the SCP. That leads me onto my next point:

The main narrative is about the lad's origins, but that presents the problem of you not doing enough with the actual anomaly? Like, there are certain mechanics, like not being violent or acting like an actual object, that aren't really utilized and are just sort of there to be there. I'm not sure if they'll play a part in the narrative because you haven't really explained them.

Like I said, I'm a fan of the emotional energy that can be derived from this, but there are a few things holding it back. Keep working, and I'm sure it'll be fantastic. Good luck!

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 31 May 2020 21:41

Thank you for your advice I have gone ahead and implemented it to my pitch but I don’t have enough space to fully explain how his powers affected his life and how animals are different from characters

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

caspian2 01 Jun 2020 09:44

Responding to PM Request.

Hi Noplzmichael. Allow me to preface this critique by saying I have not read the original version of your concept, but it looks like it has been through multiple iterations and currently, the direction you’re going in is a little unclear to me.

So let’s go back to basics:

painted reality

1. What is the main emotion you want the reader to feel by the end of the article? Is it sympathy? Disgust? Sadness? Being orphaned creates emotional resonance in the reader because we can empathise with the feeling of abandonment, but once you dip into “using bodily fluids” and “anger” issues, you’re going into the territory of horror and disgust. Both are viable options on their own, but I don’t think they work well together. My advice would be to stick to one main emotion throughout the story.

The Narrative would center around the backstory of the SCP

2. Can you elaborate on how you will be portraying the backstory within the SCP article itself? Usually, the backstory is revealed through current events, i.e. test logs, interviews etc. How are you planning to show that the SCP was “orphaned at a very young age” or developed “depression” due to neglect from foster parents?

Characters drawn by the SCP do not show any signs of sentience

3. Could you clarify how the painting anomaly works? As some other reviewers have mentioned, I don’t think you have a clear idea yet about how exactly the paintings come to life. Why do some objects last longer than others? Why do some objects only become two-dimensional? Why does food not become real food, but dogs become real dogs?

Basically, what I’m saying is keep the rules of the anomaly simple. If they come to life as 3-D objects, just stick with that. Ditto if you choose some other rule. I think what you have done is added additional rule-sets to the point where the anomaly has become overly complicated.

Feel free to respond to these questions below. Advise you to collapse your post (like how I’ve done in this post) if your responses are too long.

Cheers and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

(account deleted) 11 Jun 2020 07:31

Mmmm. This feels like it could turn out to be a sweet and possibly heartbreaking/warming read, tbh.

Upon using oil paints the Scp became trapped in his own painting

I'm not really clear on how he traps himself using oil paint? I may have missed stuff, but what I got from yours is basically a painter who can bring drawings to life; I wasn't quite sure how using oil paint would cause him to be trapped in the canvas.

My biggest gripe about this is that the ending feels… a little anti-climatic? It feels like a lot of tension was building up prior to the ending, but then ending it off with him undergoing an interview to explain that he needs the dogs in his life and that his request is granted? Idk, but maybe something like the painter like, tries to replicate the dogs but due to his immense stress in not being able to be reunited with the original watercolor dogs, he somewhat kinda goes crazy over drawings and stuff? It could feel a little more impactful to show how much the dogs mean to him without having him explain the obvious.

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 11 Jun 2020 08:25

Thank you for your critique!
If the scp uses oil based paints on any canvas or piece, it essentially opens a portal to the 2-Dimensional Landscape only allowing the scp to enter. The scp then inserts himself into the painting. Unfortunately the portal is a one way portal trapping the scp in the painting unable to move or speak. All bodily functions of the scp seem to freeze in time prohibiting the scp from feeling any sensations or aging. The scp would then observe the world from the painting only to be alone with his thoughts for hundreds of years until the piece he is in falls into water finally releasing him from his prison. Water is the only way to release the scp from the painting.

Here is an updated version of the ending:

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• The scp’s drawings and art supplies are all confiscated except a normal pencil and paper, including his pets
• The SCP begs for his pets but his requests are declined
• The Scp would then try to create “copies” of his pets using a pencil and paper but due to immense stress creates disfigured forms of his pets that don’t act like it’s realistic counterpart
• The Scp would soon begin to spiral into a deep depression and create very disturbing animations alerting personnel of the scps mental health
• Finally The scp then attempts to breach containment by using tears as paint to create items to escape containment revealing a new hidden ability ending in the Scp accidentally being shot in the arm hindering his ability to draw with his right hand.
• Personnel would then realize how his pets affect his mental health and put in a pending request for the two pets

Last edited on 11 Jun 2020 08:26 by Noplzmichael Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

(account deleted) 12 Jun 2020 09:04

Hm. Why would he enter the canvas though? It also feels… a little tacked on when drawings can come out of the canvas but one can also enter that realm? And why oil paint specifically that creates these portals? Why not other media?

There's still something… lacking in the ending but I'm not sure what. It still doesn't feel like it would have a sufficient level of emotional impact I think it should? Maybe it kinda ends with some power outage or something in the site, and when they check up on him, his containment cell is like, filled with monstrous beings/abominations in an effort to bring those dogs back, with him in the center of it all? Though, idk how well it works as a climax.

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 15 Jun 2020 07:11

The scp accidentally touched the oil painting with both hands before it dried which slowly sucked in the scp. Oil paint is specifically used to create these portals because due to its long drying time the scp can manipulate images inside the painting with one hand before the 12-24 hour period.

Updated Climax:

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• The scp’s drawings and art supplies are all confiscated except a normal pencil and paper, including his pets
• The SCP begs for his pets but his requests are declined
• The Scp would then try to create “copies” of his pets using a pencil and paper but due to immense stress creates disfigured forms of his pets that don’t act like it’s realistic counterpart
• The Scp would soon begin to spiral into a deep depression and create very disturbing animations alerting personnel of the scps mental health
• Finally The scp then attempts to breach containment by using tears as paint to create items to escape containment revealing a new hidden ability
• When the power goes out unexpectedly one day and comes back, personnel find out that the scp has escaped and created disfigured humanoids that attack personnel on sight killing a couple researchers (it is assumed that these beings attack due to being severely disfigured)
• The scp is then located at the main entrance of the site and accidentally shot in the arm hindering his ability to draw
• Personnel would then put in a pending request to let the scp have his pets to keep the scp mentally stable

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

(account deleted) 15 Jun 2020 11:05

it is assumed that these beings attack due to being severely disfigured

What's the connection between them being aggressive and them being really bent out of shape?

Hmmm; the ending still… feels a little lacking in punch. Idk, maybe instead of a full-on containment breach, it's something like, the Foundation quietly observes the artist makes disturbing drawings come to life that do relatively harmless but really unsettling things as a way to like, calm himself down? Maybe he starts with the dogs, then he fails, then he begins on to the humanoids but that doesn't work as well; these disfigured humanoids like, all try to "comfort" him by like patting on the shoulder, or some are like, just inert and standing there, staring at personnel?

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 15 Jun 2020 23:47

Good suggestion updated ending:

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• The scp’s drawings and art supplies are all confiscated except a normal pencil and paper, including his pets
• The SCP begs for his pets but his requests are declined
• The Scp would then try to create “copies” of his pets using his tears but due to immense stress creates disfigured forms of his pets that don’t act like it’s realistic counterpart
• The Scp would soon begin to spiral into a deep depression and create very disturbing animations alerting personnel of the scps mental health but continue to observe quietly
• These creations begin with abnormal dogs resembling the scps old pets but with very abstract features that eventually turn back to paint
• Soon these drawings turn into very disturbing humanoids that seem to comfort the scp with hugs and by talking to the scp some of these humanoids turn to personnel glaring causing personnel to be filled with guilt and anxiety with some researchers having Panic attacks
• Personnel would then put in a pending request to let the scp have his pets to keep the scp mentally stable

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

(account deleted) 16 Jun 2020 00:34

some researchers having Panic attacks

Ehhh, I mean, I think there not need any sort of anomalous effect or anything that happens to the researchers. Letting us feel the uneasiness of someone/something staring at us or like, the vivid imagery of a few twisted/disfigured limbs trying to comfort a person seems more gut-punchy.

With that, I think you're willing to make the necessary changes in accordance with your future reviewers. Greenlight. You'll need one more to post your draft to the Draft Critique Forum.

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 16 Jun 2020 01:09

Thank you for the greenlight I will use your suggestions to further improve my draft

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Sonderance 17 Jun 2020 06:26

Placeholder! Got summoned via PM to take a look-see. Will crit in a bit.

Alright, here’s my take.

+ show block

My first impression of this concept is that you do have a pretty substantial thematic continuity here. Art as escapism from loneliness isn’t exactly an uncommon theme on the site, but if handled deftly, I think you could create something special here.

I am, however, a bit confused by some of the aspects of this story. If watercolor-produced beings return to non-anomalous form after two days, why haven’t the dogs? Why would they let a person with anomalous abilities related to art have any sort of drawing utensils at all? Why watercolor, above all other artistic mediums?

I’m also concerned about the backstory you’ve mentioned here. The topics you’ve brought up can be moderately uncomfortable for some readers, and if not handled deftly, might seem like an attempt to use such sensitive topics for shock value. While I’m sure that isn’t your intent here, I’d like to avoid such miscommunications later on. This is more of a warning to be careful than anything else.

If you respond to this comment and would like me to see it, please send me a Wikidot PM, as I will not be notified otherwise.

Last edited on 18 Jun 2020 08:14 by Sonderance Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 18 Jun 2020 08:54

Thank you for your critique! Here are the answers to your questions

The reason that the dogs have not turned back into paint is because the painting is given a name by the scp. Paintings signed and given a name by the scp result in the anomaly being able to enter and exit the painting. The scps signature makes the anomalies owned by the scp only exiting the canvas on the scps command.

At first personnel only allow the scp to only use pencils and papers since drawings drawn using any other paints except watercolors and oil stay in their canvases only interacting with other items inside their canvas making them safe. But personnel soon discover that the tears of the scp have the same effects as watercolors releasing instances of the scp. They allow the scp to create these instances since they do not lash out in violence and are very peaceful in behavior and allow personnel to quietly study the scps mental health

Watercolors are specifically used for the SCP’s anomalous properties because watercolors have a unique texture and transparency to it making seem alive and moving like how water flows.

That is surely not my intent my draft would show readers how by talking to people can help you mentally even if it’s just a stranger. Isolation can damage a person’s mental health but by talking to people this can help relive mental stress. This is what my scp would signify looking for help in times of need and how receiving help by caring people can help you in the long run. I hope that makes sense to you

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

CR Jenkins 19 Jun 2020 01:29

Noting a PM request. I'm here with critique!

+ show block

So it definitely looks like you have a solid narrative here with some consistent themes that tie together nicely. I like a story that ends with the foundation finding its heart, and the SCP thinking outside the box the create watercolours is a fun plot element.

I'd say to listen closely to any criticism pertaining to how you portray sensitive themes like parental neglect.

Judging by the thread and the edit history of your original post it looks like you're very willing to take on criticism and improve your work based on it, which is definitely a good skill to have going forward.

I'm pretty confident giving this a Greenlight

Feel free to PM me when you have a completed draft.

Last edited on 20 Jun 2020 22:17 by CR Jenkins Show more

Re: SCP Pitch - The Animator (Seeking GreenLights)

Noplzmichael 20 Jun 2020 23:49

Thank you very much for the greenlight I will begin my draft and use the critiques to make my article as strong as possible! I’ll make sure to pm you with the final draft

Last edited on 20 Jun 2020 23:52 by Noplzmichael Show more