Sir Skeleton (GL)

Summary:

A "friendly" skeleton that can instantly remove your skeleton and wear your skin.

Sir Skeleton (GL)

Eliminator_V5 27 May 2020 19:43

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Spooky/Fantasy

Elevator Pitch:
SCP-XXXX is a sentient human skeleton. It can walk around and speak Coptic via anomalous means. SCP-XXXX will get "cold" if it remains in is skeleton form for too long. It also believes itself to be "naked" when in this form. SCP-XXXX shows signs of being embarrassed to be seen like this.

SCP-XXXX can walk up to any humanoid, reach into their mouth to get a grip on their teeth, then with one quick jerk motion pull their skeleton from their body. SCP-XXXX has the anomalous ability to completely remove the skeleton ,fully intact with cartilage but no other tissue, organs, or even the nervous system is removed. The rest of the body slumps down into a mass of skin and organs. SCP-XXXX can then pull this mass over-top of itself like putting on a jumper. Once this process is done he is visually identical to the original human. The "skin suit" human does not die right away, they remain conscious during the process and live as long as SCP-XXXX wears them. They die within minutes of being discarded for a new meat suit.

Central Narrative:
This SCP article will follow interviews and tests performed on SCP-XXXX after containment. SCP-XXXX has the personality of a gentleman when spoken to. He refers to people's skin as meat suits and has no qualms about wearing them. He claims to be a bit of a fashion maestro, remarking on the look of people's skin suits when he sees them. SCP-XXXX has no real concept of death or life. When confronted about the effect it has on people SCP-XXXX claims that pain is existence and that without pain one does not exist. SCP-XXXX will often tell "jokes" such as claiming that humans are "all just coat hangers to me."

Hook:
The idea of a "friendly" skeleton that can instantly remove your skeleton and wear you leads to questions.
SCP-XXXX is a creation by Dr. Wondertainment built to wow and spook the whole family.
He is meant to be a fantastically spooky gentleman skeleton based on the classic gentlemen of the 1800's who can crack jokes and bones alike.

Last edited on 29 May 2020 09:26 by Eliminator_V5 Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 29 May 2020 05:09

Since this thread has fallen past page 6 with no responses, this is a quick staff reminder to the author that if you haven't yet, you should contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed.

Please refer to this thread for more information: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already reached out to multiple reviewers and received no reply, notify a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.

Re: Sir Skeleton (GL)

forbiddenquest 29 May 2020 08:00

Hey Eliminator_V5! Not a greenlighter, just your friendly neighbourhood critter.

Before we start, I'm really into this type of macabre horror with tinges of dark humour. I'm loving the idea, and that's the reason I'm going to be harsh: I wanna see a REALLY good SCP with this core idea.

Let's get on with the nitpicks!

L'appel du Vide

SCP-XXXX can walk up to any humanoid, reach into their mouth to get a grip on their teeth, then with one quick jerk motion pull their skeleton from their body.

Does it pull with brute strength alone or via anomalous means? It's virtually impossible to separate the skeleton neatly from blood and tissues. I think you're meaning something like phasing the skeleton out of the skin itself right? Correct me if I'm wrong.

The skeleton is fully intact with cartilage but no other tissue, organs, or even the nervous system is removed. The rest of the body slumps down into a mass of skin and organs.

Not exactly crit, but I would just mention that this is really horrifying. Imagine seeing your own skeleton fall out of your body, going limp, and have to suffer excruciating pain while being alive and being used by Mr skeleton.

The "skin suit" human does not die right away, they remain conscious during the process and live as long as SCP-XXXX wears them. They die within minutes of being discarded for a new meat suit.

Like what I said above, this is really gnarly. Loving it so far.

He refers to people's skin as meat suits and has no qualms about wearing them. He claims to be a bit of a fashion maestro, remarking on the look of people's skin suits when he sees them. SCP-XXXX has no concept of death and believes that it is borrowing the meat suits. When confronted about the effect it has on people SCP-XXXX is confused and says that they can have their meat suits back when he is done.

If you can execute the aloofness of this guy pretty well, you're gonna have a killer story. Just one little gripe I have with this is that, nice SCPs that accidentally kill people thinking they are treating them nicely has been referenced many times in many SCP articles, and it's kind of a boring troupe. Make your SCP stand out a little more. Make him a comedic nihilist or something, just make him not generic nice guy that accidentally kills people.

SCP-XXXX is originally a Pharaoh from ancient Egypt, where he was embalmed with an anomalous substance

Now this is where it falls apart. The narrative you have been telling earlier has been contradicted and is leaving me super confused. If he was once a human, why would he not know the concept of death? He would certainly know that when he pulls the literal skeleton out of a human, they will absolutely die, wouldn't he?

The thing about him being a fashion maestro has also been overridden. No egyptian pharaoh would say wearing skin is a fashion statement. Why would he look at people and say, "Your meat suit is very fashionable" when he was a human himself? Wouldn't he just say you look good?

The timeline is also messed up. You mention he's a gentleman, and he is a fashion maestro, so I had a clear image of a monocle wearing 1800s english dude that just became a skeleton. Instead, you subverted my idea (which isn't technically a bad thing, I suppose), and made him an egyptian pharaoh? The way you described his personality isn't how pharaohs act.

In conclusion, I honestly really love your idea, but you gotta set the narrative and timelines straight. If you really meant egyptian pharaoh and I'm just being a rude nitpicker here, no ones stopping you from going ahead with it. It just seems like a cliche reveal to an interesting SCP, you know? Good luck author!

quest

Last edited on 29 May 2020 08:01 by forbiddenquest Show more

Re: Sir Skeleton (GL)

Eliminator_V5 29 May 2020 09:27

Thanks for the crit.
I agree on the origin story, it got a bit off the rails as I wrote it lol.

I have adjusted him a bit based off this.

Re: Sir Skeleton (GL)

cybersqyd 29 May 2020 12:59

This has some really dope imagery in it that's really excellent; but everything else feels…a touch lacking? The narrative in particular feels, unfocussed and like it doesn't really go anywhere?

I'd really consider what you like, wanna do here? Like, it needs some kinda,,,narrative or emotional arc to this to like, really let you show off the grossness, I think; or perhaps for it to just be trimmed down to something gross and like, end on the quiet implication that this didn't kill the person: perhaps a single event log or something.

SCP-XXXX is a creation by Dr. Wondertainment built to wow and spook the whole family.

Absolutely not do not do this. Dr. Wondertainment makes toys for kids, and no part of this is like, either fun or suitable for kids. There's also a general tendency for Wondertainment stuff to not be dangerous, or at least, not intentionally dangerous.

I think this would also be stronger if like, the origins weren't explored? Like I could see this working best as a short SCP-5852-esque piece.

Assuming you take all this into account, and like, really strip this down to just showing the horrifying thing and the quiet implication that the person is left like, in immense pain but alive, this is a greenlight from me.

Re: Sir Skeleton (GL)

Naveil 29 May 2020 19:07

Responding to PM Request

Honestly, I love the idea of the cynical horror you can emulate here. It's something that can be genuinely frightening if done right, while also being silly in the best way possible.

My only bout of advice would be to think about the type of emotion you want to evoke in your logs. I'll be repeating a lot of what cybersqyd said, but focus your narrative. I'm not entirely sure testing logs are a good idea, since there's not a whole lot you can do with them to make them interesting. I'd just focus on interview logs, but that's me.

In any case, it's something you can think about in the drafting phase. For now, take this greenlight. Good luck!