Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

Summary:

A bologna sandwich so good that it just HAS to be anomalous

Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

Dr Wile 26 May 2020 03:02

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: Joke SCP

Genre: Comedy

Page Layout: Basic SCP Article layout, Recovery Log

Elevator Pitch: It's a bologna sandwich made by a researcher during a lunch break, it was so delicious, each and every morsel was just, immaculate. So good in fact that he considers it anomalous.
Written by the researcher who created the sandwich, so the description and SCP will probably be full of "SCP-XXXX is a goddamn perfectly toasted bologna sandwich, the bologna was cooked in a microwave to perfection, there was a layer of butter I added to the bread that made the bread a just right amount of creamy, the mayo was lukewarm and just, absolutely delectable." etc and the entire article is just written from this guy that's devastated that this sandwich is now gone forever, this dude was emotionally attached, it can lead to some wacky hijinks and goofy shenanigans I thinks, I feel like I can do it justice

Central Narrative: The researcher thinks this sandwich is so good that he gives the sandwich to his superiors to convince them, when they do they are amazed by the taste and they give it to their superiors and so on until it reaches the right person who takes the last bite and confirms that it must be anomalous, so they tell the researcher who created the sandwich that they're assigned to writing it. I wanted to play with the idea that the sandwich makes it all the way to the 05 council but there's only a bite left to eat and there's a whole recording where they fight over who gets to take a bite but I don't want to overwhelm myself because this is my first SCP, and they wouldn't fight over getting to eat a sandwich that has been eaten by like 10 different people, they're also not children so, maybe leave that for a funny tale or something if this doesn't flop.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The fact that it's not technically anomalous, it's just so good that everyone just agrees except the people who weren't able to eat the sandwich think it is.

+ Additional Notes: (It's big)

Additional Notes I'm a little worried this is a little too immature but, I'll be a child until I die dude hahah, it's just funny to me but what's funny to me isn't funny to everyone, humour is subjective of course, But seriously I think it's this one or bust and I stop attempting -J's until I get my 3 article probation (:

Edit: I misused the "Layout" section so I moved what I wrote into the bottom part of the elevator pitch <3

Last edited on 28 May 2020 21:20 by Dr Wile Show more

Re: Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

DianaBerry 26 May 2020 15:47

[Summoned by pm, place holder, will crit asap]

So overall I see that this could be funny, but I feel like it's sort of one note. It's a sandwich that's so good, everyone agrees it's anomalous. That's the sort of thing that could get one chuckle from me, but past that, I don't really see the idea holding up. This could just be my opinion, as you said, humor is subjective. -J articles can be really hard to write because you have to be able to find something that is universally entertaining in some form. Also just a tip, your elevator pitch and central narrative pretty much say the same thing.

You have a story, a clear narrative, and a clear want for this piece. But overall, I would suggest reading over some more recent -Js to get a feel of what works today. I almost feel like you could try to work this into a normal anomaly? Like this researcher makes a sandwich that he thinks is really good, so he makes more for his coworkers. Overtime, they start getting more obsessed with his sandwiches, demanding he make more. And eventually, he's like 'guys, it isn't that good of a sandwich.' Maybe tell the story of this guy becoming an anomaly and desperately trying to undo this whole mess of anomalous sandwiches. And even with that, you'd still have some trouble keeping it completely original, but it's just a suggestion.

Here are some guides I recommend for your reading:

+ Open Guides List

A Few Examples Of Things Not To Do In An SCP And What To Do Instead

Essays on Style

Ideation: A Guide To Making Good Ideas Out Of Nothing

Rules of Thumb

How Not To Walk Your Dog: Poor Pacing In The SCP Format

Common SCP Pitfalls

Part I - Introduction & Ideation

Part II - Narrative & Originality

Hope I could help! Good luck!

Last edited on 27 May 2020 16:51 by DianaBerry Show more

Re: Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

Dr Wile 27 May 2020 17:25

Thank you so much! I'll definitely read those guides i haven't exactly seen those yet,
If the greenlighters don't greenlight I'll probably scrap the idea and go onto the next one but that's alright! I liked your idea for the regular mainsite article but I think I'm gonna remain stubborn on this one, although that does sound really fun to write ehehe, I was playing with the idea of the researcher himself becoming anomalous but I didn't know how to fit it in
Thank you so much!! You were very helpful <3

Re: Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

DianaBerry 28 May 2020 02:05

No problem! Super glad to be of help! <3

Re: Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

Naveil 30 May 2020 21:48

Responding to PM Request - will crit soon-ish

Heyo! First off, I want to preface that Joke SCP concepts are difficult to crit, because a lot of the effect comes from actually putting it into practice, rather than explaining it. It probably doesn't help that Joke SCPs are harder to write than regular articles, but you're still welcome to try, anyhow :v

Either way, the elevator pitch is fairly amusing. Like, I feel part of the humor will come from the clinical tonality of the whole thing. Explain everything in a matter-of-fact tone, and it'll work out much better than, say, just having an excited researcher.

In general, you shouldn't worry about being silly with Joke articles, since that's kinda their point d: That being said, I can't say I'm big on your narrative. You really have to think about whether or not every plot point you add can evoke humor. If it doesn't, it's probably best to drop it.
Like you yourself stated, I can't help but feel like the article is getting too big? You have multiple different plot points going on, ranging from the main researcher to the other researchers, to the O5 Council. Like, you sorta have to think whether or not people will actually get a laugh from reading it, or if you'll expend your jokes fairly early on. You made the point of splitting your SCP, which I'd never recommend you do for a number of reasons, mainly being that having a bulk of your article be split into another article that the reader also has to read is cumbersome and won't sit well.

At the end of the day, joke articles work better in practice and I wouldn't really recommend you write one as your first article. You're completely welcome to try anyhow, but as I stated before, you need to focus your narrative to be shorter and sweeter.

Last edited on 31 May 2020 16:51 by Naveil Show more

Re: Joke SCP, greenlights needed (:

Dr Wile 31 May 2020 18:49

Thank you so much! Very helpful and informative, I'll scrap this idea and keep it in my back pocket