Can't Stop the Party

Summary:

A turntable that makes people who hear it play keep dancing after death.

Can't Stop the Party

Cerisehorror 25 May 2020 16:29

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: TBD

Layout:
-Containment/Summary
-General Effects on Subjects
-Interview Log with SCP-XXXX-B Post-Capture
-Testing Log with a Deaf Subject
-Testing Log including playing varying genres of music on the turntable, each having a different effect

Elevator Pitch: Created by a local DJ to mix music and make people happy, this turntable has the unintended side effect of causing records played to induce dizziness, unconsciousness, or even death. Victims remain dancing even after they expire.

Narrative, Hook, and Notes

Central Narrative: A local DJ creates a custom turntable for his shows after contacting a member of the AWCY? art collective unknowingly who said they could obtain cheap materials rumored to have an effect on people's emotions. At a block party he throws in 2018, the music, intended to make people feel more alive, has the unintended effect of making people feel dead until they are dead instead, constantly dancing until the music stops. After the party lasted 5-7 hours, police were called for a noise complaint, but never returned. Foundation personnel were contacted by the authorities after the officers reported the partygoers not responding to words and bleeding from their eyes and ears. Communication was cut off by static almost immediately after these reports. The music triggers motor neurons to fire, regardless of the victim's life signs, causing muscles in its victims to contract, appearing to keep them dancing. In some cases, this effectively "raises" the dead, discovered following foundation testing. Corpses without nerve tissue or musculature are unaffected. Alterations in brain activity leave the DJ immune to the effects (SCP-XXXX-B) Foundation personnel think materials used in creation of the turntable may be related to the French Dancing Plague of 1518.

Victims initially feel dizzy, enduring occasional muscular spasms, progressing to pounding headaches and full loss of fine motor control, and extreme difficulty with coherent thought. Victims expire via aural and ocular exsanguination, and all survivors that listened to the music for more than an hour feel a desire to return to "the party of a lifetime." The music the DJ produces is generally synth heavy, ethereal sounding beats, and records of other genres produce varying effects.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Music created with the intent of making people feel more alive actually causes them to feel dead, until they eventually expire. The music triggers specific vibratory frequencies to cause muscles in its victims to contract, appearing to keep them dancing. Effects vary based on the genre of music played (TBD).

Additional Notes: First concept. Thank you to all who responded, I forgot to reply after each response and don't want to bump unnecessarily.

Last edited on 08 Jun 2020 00:55 by Cerisehorror Show more

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Cerisehorror 25 May 2020 16:38

I'm currently looking to make this something more interesting, however I'm uncertain as to whether or not the premise is completely original and want to make sure it's a standalone thing.

Last edited on 25 May 2020 17:42 by Cerisehorror Show more

Admin Post - Info - Open

Zyn 25 May 2020 19:38

Cerisehorror, instead of replying to your own comments, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of every comment. That prevents spam buildup, and it's in the rules.

Also, please note that per the Ideas Critique forum guidelines, thread bumps are not allowed.

As a quick reminder, you should contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed rather than bumping a thread for attention. Please refer to this thread for more information: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Comrade Waldo 25 May 2020 20:12

Hello there!

First, I think you should check what kind of genre you want your SCP to be. Do you want science fiction? Fantasy? Comedy? Horror? Maybe you´re asking, why do I need to decide what genre is my SCP going to be? Well, because then you'll what feeling you want your reader to feel. You want the reader to feel scared? Happy? Sad?

Now, the narrative. This is the part where it needs more development. Try asking this questions:

• How does the music make people die, and how it keeps them to still dance?
• How was the DJ related to AWCY? Was he an old member of the group?
• How did the Foundation became aware of this SCP?
• Why did the DJ decided to modify his equipment? For example, maybe he was low in money, and decided to contact his pals in AWCY to modify his equipment and receive more clients, but he didn't what would be the side-effects of this modification.

I suggest you take a look at this points and try to improve your narrative. Good luck with your SCP! You'll sure have your draft done if you remain patient and determined!

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Kikaider01 30 May 2020 05:39

[Asked to take a look. Will crit soon.]

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Naveil 30 May 2020 21:45

Responding to PM Request - will crit soon-ish

First off, while you've set up a narrative, you don't give any indication of how you plan to incorporate it. Like, how does the Foundation figure this out? Will it be put in the present or past? These are extremely important questions that you're not really answering.

As for the narrative itself, I should preface this by saying that I'm not too familiar with AWCY?, so I can't comment on any GoI specific logistics. Even so, the narrative just feels very nonsensical? Like, a DJ kills a ton of people at a concert, and their next move is be able to play music to the dead? (Also worth noting that you're not making it clear how the intended effect of the music was. Just for the living? Dead people? Necromancy?) Like, it just feels unintentionally funny and, more importantly, like a plot device to introduce the anomaly.

As for the actual anomaly itself, it's… alright? Like, it's a turntable that just kills people. The "dancing after death" part can make for some good body horror, but you're not really elaborating on that enough.
Ultimately, this is a type of SCP that relies on a narrative to succeed, but what you've given me is both not enough, and also uninteresting. If you really want to make it a thriller, as you've stated, consider where you want to take the narrative and how you plan to incorporate it.

Last edited on 31 May 2020 15:46 by Naveil Show more

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Sonderance 07 Jun 2020 06:17

Placeholder! Got summoned via PM to take a look-see. Will crit in a bit.

Alright, here’s my take.

+ show block

First off, the use of AWCY? here doesn’t fit with most of what I know about them. AWCY? is an anomalous artists’ collective whose art pieces tend to have some sort of message or moral attached. Adding them in as a contact for anomalous goods doesn’t quite fit their M.O. and strikes me as a weak reason to include them in the article.

As for the actual concept, the actual anomaly isn’t wholly interesting to me, mostly because I’m rather jaded when it comes to things that kill people on this site. Besides that particular quality, I’m not seeing much of a narrative besides an origin and a brief historical connection. What’s the actual story you’re trying to tell here? What thematic or emotional connections should your readers be making?

If you respond to this comment and would like me to see it, please send me a Wikidot PM, as I will not be notified otherwise.

Last edited on 07 Jun 2020 06:25 by Sonderance Show more

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Cerisehorror 08 Jun 2020 00:51

My main concern here is that I want to do something involving the idea of dancing after death, that is the main premise, but can't seem to figure out a way to fit that in well without inducing death first.

The reason I put AWCY? in there is because I thought the idea of one of the members having materials left over from a project and wanting to "plant" them on an unwitting subject to cause trouble and having a sort of "careful what you wish for" moral would be interesting, but I don't have any particular desire to keep that connection. I'm having trouble thinking of ways that a material used to make the turntable would be acquired without making it seem too much like a series 1 SCP that just simply exists for no real reason.

I really want the readers to feel bad for the creator of the turntable, as his main goal was simply just to make people happy, but it ended up causing much unrest. I'm not particularly good at making my intentions clear, but the whole point is to induce a sort of pity in the reader, without being too unnecessarily dark and providing brief bits of comedy.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I could adjust this post to make the anomaly more interesting? I have ideas such as different genres producing different effects, like (as silly as it sounds) more folksy music causing listeners to become more inclined to interact with nature, the main thing sticking would be that long term exposure is detrimental to the listener.

Thanks for your response!

Last edited on 08 Jun 2020 16:43 by Cerisehorror Show more

Re: Can't Stop the Party

Sonderance 08 Jun 2020 17:50

Consolidating this so it doesn't take up too much space.

+ show block

Dead things and dying are two separate subjects that you can focus on in kind. To give an example, SCP-3226 focuses heavily on corpses without a single person dying, and still manages to be pretty downright creepy.

Using AWCY? as a source for anomalous materials is certainly a possibility, but anomalies can be formed for all sorts of reasons. Heck, even your DJ wanting to spin especially catchy tunes could be a valid reason for his turntable's properties! It really is up to you what exactly causes the effect, if anything.

As for the focus, I do think the emotional state of the turntable's creator is a better path than focusing solely on the turntable's effects. You'll see a lot of complaints on here about anomalies that just kill people, and part of that is because there's no real emotional connection to be had from reading about a bunch of faceless, nameless characters getting massacred. SCP-3078, to give a counter-example similar to your own concept, actively kills people who observe it; the story, however, focuses on the regret of its initial crafter, and that's why it works as an article. So I'm going to leave you with a question: how do you want your reader to connect to your story?