Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

Summary:

The GoI format is about a human mutant that can manipulate ice.

Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

Phiiota 23 May 2020 23:14

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: GoI Format

Page Layout: Title → Aliases → Threat → Discovery → Summary → Interest

Elevator Pitch: The basic idea is it's a Nobody GoI Format about a human mutant that has cryokinesis, but doesn't want the powers and has issues with them. I'm thinking the reason why Frostbite has issues with her powers is because she's afraid of hurting others and she has a drawback of getting too cold when using her powers and needs to have a 'cooldown.'

Central Narrative: Nobody discovers Frostbite while he was infiltrating a GOC base for something he may have lost there and frees her when Nobody realizes that they're going to terminate Frostbite and why they're doing it. Once they both escape, Nobody asks Frostbite things like how she got her powers and why she's being terminated. Due to the conflict of Frostbite not wanting her powers but also feeling happy and 'normal' at Herman Fuller's, Nobody wants to help Frostbite by taking her either to a place to make her normal or to a place to have her feel normal. I plan on having Frostbite and Nobody argue as to what the best thing to do is during their journey together and possibly have Frostbite and Nobody interact with other people in their journey besides the GOC. Throughout their journey, Frostbite and Nobody try to reason with the GOC agents, but they're adamant on terminating Frostbite. The story ends with Nobody making the executive decision of taking Frostbite to Herman Fuller's and having her think about what she wants to do before deciding.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The attention-grabber of this article would probably be that Nobody helping Frostbite despite his efforts eventually not happening.

Additional Notes: My main concerns are properly executing Nobody helping out "Frostbite" and keeping the article in line with the shtick of Nobody. I'm thinking of formatting the article like a notebook as well (i.e. 1 page having 25 to 26 lines). I may make "Frostbite" into other GoI Formats.

Last edited on 22 Jul 2020 19:04 by Phiiota Show more

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

The Pighead 24 May 2020 19:30

Hello, author, Pighead In. Let's take a look at your idea.

Elevator Pitch : Because this pitch is a single sentence, there's nothing much to say about that. It's a good start. It's not even cliche, at my opinion, for reasons that I will state below. And for the rest, yes, it's a good start.

Central Narrative : So, the big part. And I feel a lot of potential on this one. For me, this narrative is really a narrative who fits really well about my vision of Nobody. Even if I haven't read everything related to him, I always imagined him as a traveler, a wanderer, someone who go constantly on new places and who meet new people during his travels. And his encounter with Frostbite is exactly something who could happen to him.

At the end, I don't care about the fact that it controls ice. What I care about is how the two had encountered, the travels they made, the things they had seen, maybe the GoI and PoI they had encountered (for taking your suggestion, even if I would also like to see them meeting other people than GoI or PoI) and the thoughts of the two about all that (plus, the usual Nobody GoI Format is a notebook, so it's perfect for that). So, yeah, really interested by your narrative.

Hook : Less sure for your hook. Generally, a Nobody is a person who cannot remember their name at all and I would say that this is what makes the character intriguing. So, I would suggest you to not use it. I don't think it will be an efficient hook, personally.

And that's all for me. Like you can see, even if your hook had not really convinced me, I admit that I'm strongly interested by your narrative and what you can do with it. I think that it would be a great story about a friendship between two anomalous beings. Which is why I greenlight this one!

Now, author, you will need a second one for using the Drafts Forum. I suggest you to contact another reviewers (especially the ones at the Butterfly Squad) for having this last one. It's all for me, Pighead Out, best of luck!

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

Phiiota 24 May 2020 21:57

Elevator Pitch : Because this pitch is a single sentence, there's nothing much to say about that. It's a good start. It's not even cliche, at my opinion, for reasons that I will state below. And for the rest, yes, it's a good start.

The main reason I wrote a sentence is that I don't really know what else to put for the main premise beyond describing what I put. Though in hindsight, I probably could have added some parts of the story as well in that part.

Central Narrative : So, the big part. And I feel a lot of potential on this one. For me, this narrative is really a narrative who fits really well about my vision of Nobody. Even if I haven't read everything related to him, I always imagined him as a traveler, a wanderer, someone who go constantly on new places and who meet new people during his travels. And his encounter with Frostbite is exactly something who could happen to him.

At the end, I don't care about the fact that it controls ice. What I care about is how the two had encountered, the travels they made, the things they had seen, maybe the GoI and PoI they had encountered (for taking your suggestion, even if I would also like to see them meeting other people than GoI or PoI) and the thoughts of the two about all that (plus, the usual Nobody GoI Format is a notebook, so it's perfect for that). So, yeah, really interested by your narrative.

+ show block

While I was writing the draft for this format (before I did this thread), I didn't think of Nobody and Frostbite interacting with each other, but I think that's a good idea though. Maybe I can have this Nobody and Frostbite interact, travel, and so on and have this Nobody help her, though Nobody's actions end up with someone else doing them (in order to keep in line with the shtick of Nobody). Good thing I did the Ideas Critique forum first.

Hook : Less sure for your hook. Generally, a Nobody is a person who cannot remember their name at all and I would say that this is what makes the character intriguing. So, I would suggest you to not use it. I don't think it will be an efficient hook, personally.

I don't think I knew that Nobodies couldn't remember their names. I was thinking of giving this Nobody a name in the format to give the implication that there are multiple Nobodies. Maybe I can get other's opinions to see if a good idea or not.

Which is why I greenlight this one!

Thanks you for the greenlight. Thank you again for critiquing my article.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 25 May 2020 04:58 by Zyn Show more

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

cybersqyd 17 Jun 2020 14:23

The central narrative I think this would have is that this Nobody is trying to help "Frostbite."

So like, why is Nobody helping Frostbite here? More specifically: why does Frostbite need help? My, concern here is you've listed a lot of like, generic sounding 'things that could happen in the goi-format' stuff and so it feels like there's not really an overarching narrative here?

I…also have some concerns that Frostbite sounds like a kinda generic superhero thing? Like, I'm not saying that she is, but it feels, perhaps, like she's not gonna be interesting enough to hang an article on? Then again, there's very little information about her here beyond 'she has cryokinesis and doesn't like it'.

(I do also strongly agree about not naming Nobody: it's not clear why they go by Nobody exactly but the entire point of the GoI is that they've kinda shed all their identity, and by naming them, you've just…made them not Nobody?)

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

Phiiota 17 Jun 2020 17:09

The central narrative I think this would have is that this Nobody is trying to help "Frostbite."

So like, why is Nobody helping Frostbite here? More specifically: why does Frostbite need help?

I think what I was going for was that since Frostbite doesn't want her powers, Nobody tries to help Frostbite by either taking her to a place where someone can taker her powers away and make her normal (like the Foundation) or taking her to a place where she can feel normal and not like a freak (like Herman Fuller's).

My, concern here is you've listed a lot of like, generic sounding 'things that could happen in the goi-format' stuff and so it feels like there's not really an overarching narrative here?

I'm not too sure how to make it more interesting possibly other than Nobody trying (and maybe even managing in some way) to help Frostbite despite Nobody's actions eventually not happening.

+ show block

I…also have some concerns that Frostbite sounds like a kinda generic superhero thing? Like, I'm not saying that she is, but it feels, perhaps, like she's not gonna be interesting enough to hang an article on? Then again, there's very little information about her here beyond 'she has cryokinesis and doesn't like it'.

I could have her be naturally 'colder' than normal humans and have a sort of 'cooldown' (pun not intended) where if Frostbite uses her powers, she ends up becoming 'colder' and needs to 'recharge' before she gets too cold.

(I do also strongly agree about not naming Nobody: it's not clear why they go by Nobody exactly but the entire point of the GoI is that they've kinda shed all their identity, and by naming them, you've just…made them not Nobody?)

Ok. That's a fair point. I'll get rid of it. I wanted to have a second opinion before I did to see if it was a good idea or not. I'll think of something else for the hook/attention-grabber part.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 18 Jun 2020 05:31 by Zyn Show more

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

cybersqyd 18 Jun 2020 13:30

I think what I was going for was that since Frostbite doesn't want her powers, Nobody tries to help Frostbite by either taking her to a place where someone can taker her powers away and make her normal (like the Foundation) or taking her to a place where she can feel normal and not like a freak (like Herman Fuller's).

Alright, this is definitely the start of an arc yeah. It seems like there's some fun potential conflict here, perhaps between e.g, Nobody trying to help her, and her being unsure what she wants, and eventually having to decide; but at the moment…it feels too much like you haven't decided what you want to write yet for me to be willing to greenlight this?

I'm gonna strongly suggest you think about things like, how you want to make a reader feel here (e.g, is Nobody the good guy? is Nobody forcing her to give up her powers when she doesn't want to? Is Frostbite sympathetic? Or does the reader fear her because she's dangerous and isn't fully in control of her powers?); and also like, the full narrative arc you want to tell here (presumably, there's some kind of…meeting/introduction, followed by some escalation, perhaps with Frostbite getting more out of control so something needs to be done; or perhaps the escalation is Frostbite/Nobody arguing more about what to do until finally they make decisions; and then everything is resolved when something else happens?)

…I'd probably lean against suggesting you use 'Nobody takes Frostbite to GoI' as the ending, it feels…perhaps convenient, but if the entire conflict is more 'Frostbite wants to go to [goi 1] and Nobody thinks [goi 2] would be better' in style, it could work?

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

Phiiota 21 Jun 2020 15:46

For now, I'll try to expand on what I have so far and think of more of my GoI format before I ask for more help. Thanks for doing this.

+ Open

I think what I was going for was that since Frostbite doesn't want her powers, Nobody tries to help Frostbite by either taking her to a place where someone can taker her powers away and make her normal (like the Foundation) or taking her to a place where she can feel normal and not like a freak (like Herman Fuller's).

Alright, this is definitely the start of an arc yeah. It seems like there's some fun potential conflict here, perhaps between e.g, Nobody trying to help her, and her being unsure what she wants, and eventually having to decide; but at the moment…it feels too much like you haven't decided what you want to write yet for me to be willing to greenlight this?

I think going with a conflict in the story can make it more interesting. Though the 'either or' thing is supposed to be both in the story type of thing. I didn't think of that much of the story other than that Nobody discovers Frostbite somehow, Frostbite not wanting her powers, Frostbite being happy when she's at Herman Fuller's, and certain other things for the Nobody GoI format.

I'm gonna strongly suggest you think about things like, how you want to make a reader feel here (e.g, is Nobody the good guy? is Nobody forcing her to give up her powers when she doesn't want to? Is Frostbite sympathetic? Or does the reader fear her because she's dangerous and isn't fully in control of her powers?);

These are good points. I haven't thought of these sorts of things yet. I'll think of and try to answer these types of questions when I think of more for the GoI format.

and also like, the full narrative arc you want to tell here (presumably, there's some kind of…meeting/introduction, followed by some escalation, perhaps with Frostbite getting more out of control so something needs to be done; or perhaps the escalation is Frostbite/Nobody arguing more about what to do until finally they make decisions; and then everything is resolved when something else happens?)

I do plan on having Nobody discovering Frostbite, but I didn't think of exactly how yet. I may do a different kind of story than or a story similar to what is in the above quotebox. Though, I'll have to try to keep Nobody's shtick in mind when I do the GoI format/story.

…I'd probably lean against suggesting you use 'Nobody takes Frostbite to GoI' as the ending, it feels…perhaps convenient, but if the entire conflict is more 'Frostbite wants to go to [goi 1] and Nobody thinks [goi 2] would be better' in style, it could work?

I think I understand what you mean with 'Nobody takes Frostbite to GoI' feeling convenient. I could do a sort of ambiguous ending where the reader decides what happens (as much I prefer having a concrete ending).

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

The Pighead 28 Jul 2020 12:20

Had been summoned by PM, so here I come. Pighead In, let's review it again. And I will keep this short, because I think I don't have any big things to say about that.

I still really like this. I think that the changes you made in your original post create, at least for me, a better story and I'm still pretty interested to see more of that and, in fact, cybersqyd made better suggestions that I could make. There's some suggestions of ver that I could suggest you to add to the story :

- Make the two protagonists sympathetic. I've never imagined Nobody as a bad guy and I think that if Frostbite don't want her powers, it could pull more sympathy than fear on her.

- The two characters who have arguments about what to do. It could be more interesting to see them have different points of view about what to do for resolving the main problem.

- And yes, the use of a "Frostbite wants to go to this GoI and Nobody thinks that this other GoI would be better" angle would help your stroy for the better. After all, the two don't have the same experiences and the same lives and every GoI have pros and cons, so it could be interesting to see their points of view about that.

For the rest, my greenlight is still here and I think it's even more well-deserved. With that and the review of Sqyd, you have everything you need for make a great format. Good luck!

Re: Nobody GoI Format: "Frostbite" {Looking For Greenlights}

PlaguePJP 14 Aug 2020 22:51

cybersqyd has questioned most of the concerns I had with this idea. Echoing The Pighead's additions, sympathy is probably the emotion you want to evoke the most here. Thorough characterization is what is going to carry this article; my main concern is making this too cartoonish/unrealistic (yes I know we're dealing with a girl with ice powers but you get my point.)

The conflict between Nobody and Frostbite could be an interesting way to go. There's also the possibility of the mentor/student angle wherein Frostbite is this scared person unwanting of their powers. Pighead's points are definitely where you should take the narrative. Especially:

The two characters who have arguments about what to do. It could be more interesting to see them have different points of view about what to do for resolving the main problem.

I don't really have much to say due to you addressing all points made by cyber, this seems to be pretty in-depth and I look forward to seeing how you end up writing this.

Greenlight

Last edited on 14 Aug 2020 22:51 by PlaguePJP Show more