Seeking green-light “The Un-securable, Uncontainable, Un-protectable”

Summary:

first time writing an scp

Seeking green-light “Un-SCP” Scp concept

jagdpenguin 23 May 2020 05:29

first time writing an scp, I already have written lots of it. I hope it isn’t too confusing

I moved and trimmed your thread summary, since it was taking up extra space in the main forum screen. Try to keep thread descriptions (the text in the little box under the thread title) and titles short so you don't crowd out other authors in the forum listing. ~Zyn

I am going to be trimming down on my post to summarize with a much detail as possible since my clarifications where only adding to my mess, honestly I am sorry I am a terrible summarizer, that’s something I have never been good at but I will try my best~Jagd
UPDATE
I have made a short and long version of my summary hopefully to make it more digestible~Jagd

Seeking Greenlights:
Hopefully…

Page Type: SCP Article

Page Layout:
Short version:
it starts off as a normal SCP article then gets into its escape attempts detailing its history and story with the foundation.

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Long version:
Scp-5XXX (I will just call XXX) is from the onset of the article structured like a normal scp, this gives you a pretty good idea of what the SCP is but also doesn’t go into any of the mechanics behind how XXX operates, What this means is that the containment procedures seem quite strange until you read further into the article, hopefully this will stick out and make people read further. We get a message from a employee for a research area that XXX was stored in one of its prior containment Areas, this explains how most of the mechanics of SCP-XXX, what’s notable to point out is that at the very end the researcher says SCP-XXX possesses very little threat of protected, obviously the employee was wrong. Then you get a foundation Note saying they have logged its behaviors after such and such date. Then we get another log this time from the prior site detailing how SCP-XXX escaped the Original research area the one that was derailed in the first message. then we get a message from someone detailing the events post escape, this explains that XXX had interfered with a “foundation Project” murdering everyone involved, it doesn’t go into the specifics of what this foundation project was, but what we do learn is that the project was flawed and likely would have failed so spectacularly as to cause the end of the world.
then you get a log of behaviors most of which revolving around XXX escaping, these are all like the first log each adding to the story in there own ways, starting with the escape and then the after events. All the logs are numbered exept for ones occurring in alternate timelines which are redacted. After this there’s a order from 05 to transfer XXX to a build a new Semi permeates containment area where XXX is located and monitor it’s behavior in log, this will be an order relating to the first escape.
might add more relating to the real origin of XXX but idk.

Elevator Pitch:
Short version: SCP-XXX is a d-class personelle that happens to be unkillable because of its infinite knowledge of every outcome where it could die.

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Long version:
SCP-XXX is what looks to be a normal person, specifically describe as a d-class, however it’s invincible. XXX’s kind of invincible is where you can’t shoot it, no matter how hard you try you will always miss, before you have the idea of getting a firing squad and maybe you might chase it into a corner to kill it, it’s already killed the firing squad, before you have the idea of nuking it the nukes already been detonated or sent in your direction, before you have the idea of chasing it Into a box and seeing how it fairs against SCPs, But because XXX is XXX it has predicted that too and it will probably release all SCP’s on site and use the chaos to destroy the box or just escape, the point being it’s invincible. XXX while only being human has the ability of infinite knowledge because it has the ability to send any knowledge It has acquired back in time. if SCP-XXX dies it will sent it’s knowledge back in time to prevent its death Which is its main goal.

Central Narrative:
Short version:
There’s some obvious irony in the fact that the SCP foundation falls at the behest of a d-class which they have to protect at all costs and leave it in an environment that they know couldn’t contain it, all in the desperation that if one day if does leave, that it comes back And doesn’t abandon the foundation To another universe via an scp which they are powerless to stop it from using.

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Long version: read the full page layout if you want a good picture of the main story
the main narrative passed the normal article is mainly about the previous research area that SCP-5XXX escaped from and what the reason for that escape means for the foundation. It was speculated by the researcher from the prior site(area) that XXX wouldn’t leave unless it was threatened, thus if you removed all threats then SCP-XXX would simply sit and do nothing. The central narrative revolves around the foundation not being as all powerful as it wants to be, and yes while if you could remove all threats it wouldn’t escape, there are some threats the foundation just can’t prepare for. After it was figured out that SCP-XXX escaped from its containment after a Possible world ending event 05 quickly got involved knowing how important this entity could be in helping avoid a K-class event from happening but despite the foundation trying to rely on SCP-XXX so the foundation could prevent the end of the world, if the end of the world did roll around likely there would be nothing they could do about it, for example they tried giving XXX the ability to communicate Using written words as this would mean that XXX could tell the foundation what to do, while working once For a small threat, in an a alternate timeline Once a threat that the foundation couldn’t handle came around the SCP left the foundation to die, and in the main timeline SCP-XXX left encrypted messages telling foundation secrets which promptly the foundation corrected by removing all possible way for XXX to communicate. This is one example of how the foundation lacked the power for XXX to rely upon it for its safety.
Hook/Attention-Grabber: I think the elevator pitch is also a pretty good attention grabber

Additional Notes: If you have any recommendations for what I should add feel free to tell me, also strangely SCP-XXX can’t be classified under any traditional SCP classifications Because you can’t lock it into a box that it couldn’t escape from Which means it couldn’t be in a box with a lock on it.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. Also, please note the Ideas Critique required reading wordcount limit; your post is about 70 words over. ~Zyn
I edited out 054 and replaced it with XXX~jagd/

Last edited on 16 Jun 2020 03:30 by jagdpenguin Show more

Re: Seeking green-light “Subject-054” Scp concept

Rasmus Bahnson 23 May 2020 08:28

I can’t give you greenlight, but i can give you feedback. I think your idea is great, but it would put some more perspective into your SCP if you made a real SCP article “sketch” out of it. Like adding the special containment procedures. Maybe even giving it a origin story, but not to much information so the reader is still interested. Look, i am as new to this as you are, i am not saying my advice is the best, but i am just trying to help :D
And i did see what you wrote in the top. If you don’t wanna make a sketch out of it, i still think your idea is pretty good.

Last edited on 23 May 2020 08:31 by Rasmus Bahnson Show more

Re: Seeking green-light “Subject-054” Scp concept

jagdpenguin 23 May 2020 14:53

Thanks for the reply, and yes I was planing to have special containment procedures.
The scp is stored in a facility that is meant to be escaped from. it is designed so that researchers can easily escape the facility if the scp where to escape. Basically after 054 escapes its constantly tracked by drones and the foundation just has to watch it see where it goes which could be anywhere to prevent a it’s destruction or just to switch timelines something like that.

Now The origins are still up in the air and what I am thinking now is strange and It would take more time to explain and I haven’t yet done that.

If you want me to link my sandbox I have already kinda written than I would love to

Re: Seeking green-light “Subject-054” Scp concept

Naveil 30 May 2020 10:53

Responding to PM Request

First off, two things. Your post goes about 50 words over 400 word limit, as per the Required Reading. Not a massive issue for me, but the word count acts more as a courtesy for reviewers, more than anything else. Please keep this in mind next time, thanks!
Thing number two is that you're already designating your SCP as 5054. There's no explicit rule against it, but I'd still advise against designating your concept for now, since there's no guarantee you'll actually get that slot. That being said, that's just me, so feel free to do what you want :P

With all that out of the way, let's get on to your concept.

---

The whole thing reminds me sorta of D-9341 from SCP Containment Breach, so I'd be shocked if you didn't draw at least some inspiration from there.

Now, the core concept is amusing, but I'm not too sure how you plan to make it interesting in an article. From what I can tell, you're planning of having logs of escape efforts. It isn't bad, per se, but you could be doing a lot more with the idea.

But the main issue I have is the sudden escalation from "this person can't die" to "this person is preventing the end of the universe". The escalation here is just plain silly, and it gets a tad too… big? for my tastes. Like, the idea of the canary in the coal mine is genuinely neat, but once again, you have to think about how it'd make a good narrative experience, and how you plan to display it in an SCP article format.

Overall, I feel like you're looking at this too superficially. I can see you're thinking a lot about the mechanics, and expanding from there (perhaps against your better judgement), but you're not thinking about how it'll work as an article enough. My recommendations would be to think on this, as well as reconsider where you want to take the narrative. Think: "Do the story elements compliment each other well? Or do they add very little to the story while being difficult to pull off?" I'll leave that up to you. Good luck!

Re: Seeking green-light “Subject-054” Scp concept

jagdpenguin 31 May 2020 03:06

thank you for the reply good sir!
I have read all over your comments and here’s my reply to some of your criticism :)
I deleted my comment because it really didn’t add a whole lot and was just fluff, the stuff which is important I already edited in to the text

Last edited on 03 Jun 2020 02:57 by jagdpenguin Show more

Re: Seeking green-light “Subject-054” Scp concept

Naveil 02 Jun 2020 12:30

…if I'm being completely honest here, I just feel like you're going on tangents without really answering much? Like, this is peak "saying a lot without saying anything" material. (paragraphing is important, lol)

I recommend you take a step back and restructure your original post to be more coherent. At this point, I don't really see a coherent narrative, more so a lot of ideas being thrown around that struggle to compliment the story you're trying to create.

As for the draft, it's great that you're already planning something. That being said, drafts, at this point in the conceptualization process, serve more as pointers for the author. It lets you know what works and what doesn't, and it isn't really for others to see. You might have written out a complete article at this point, but if you can't condense that down into a forum post, it's either because you need to work on your summarizing skills, or the concept is too convoluted to be successful.

I'll leave you to think on it. Feel free to shoot me another PM when you're ready to have someone look at it, or you can contact another member of the Butterfly Squad on wikidot or IRC. Good luck!