For Critique: The Waste of Time Machine

Summary:

Seeking help and guidance more than greenlights. :)

For Critique: The Waste of Time Machine

Deva_Victrix 19 May 2020 17:17

The Waste of Time Machine

Seeking Greenlights: NO Please help me refine this concept!

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional):

Page Layout (Optional):

Elevator Pitch: New anomalous business producing custom objects, the 'waste of time machine' is the first one. Foundation investigates remains of workshop.

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Central Narrative: The skip documents how the business was created, by who and why. The device does not work initially. The foundation enters after the fact and pieces together the information from recovered documents (research notes, accounts, correspondence, etc).

Also recovered are prototypes that are still dangerous. They have failed (exploded?) and need to be contained.

The WTM operates by 'transferring' time from one thing to another (i.e. ageing / de-ageing).

Hook/Attention-Grabber: How do anomaly creators resolve containment breaches?

Additional Notes: After some errors (both story and procedural), I hope that I've been able to refine the concept.

Further reading is below. The narrative I posted below is still valid, but the initial idea pitch (fold below) is superseded by this one.

Thank you for your time. (Again).

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The Waste of Time Machine

Seeking Greenlights: NO Looking to develop ideas. (see below).

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Other (Procedural (?))

Page Layout (Optional): No significant changes.

Elevator Pitch: Foundation operatives called to location at request of anomalous device creator. His own research notes and journals are used to determine the dangerous nature of the SCP, devise containment, write SCP, etc.

Central Narrative: A device which "extracts time" from one object and "adds" it to another. The creator of the machine has contacted the SCP Foundation themselves to report the device (and disappeared), as it is flawed.

An anomalous creator who has a (more or less) responsible attitude to the creation of reality-breaking machines. In the case of the 'Waste of Time Machine' imagine having a pocket dimension created just for you to (for example) read a textbook and have no time pass 'outside'.

I'd like to explore the thinking of someone who would actually create some of these things. In this case it would be from the perspective of someone who behaves similar to the Foundation - an experimenter or scientist - breaking apart the unreality to make sense of it, and make something. This is partly to simply make it much easier as a first time writer, as it allows me to present this a a 'reverse-engineered' SCP built from the object creators own notes, research, etc.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: An SCP presented (more) from the perspective of a creator of anomalous objects than the Foundation.

Additional Notes: I am not a horror fan, but I like to watch 'Ending Explained' videos telling you all about a particular horror movie. And I think I get the same kind of vibe from the SCP wiki; something explained is something contained. An eldritch-horror is not as terrifying when on a dissection table.

I like the idea that an inherently illogical concept can be approached, not as a "mystery" that requires no further explanation, but as something that can be understood with logic.

There is some conceptual similarity with SCP-3701 (as well as Bernards's Watch children's program, now that I think about it), but I think it's fairly minor as I want to show the process of investigation of a broken SCP, not a 'functioning' one.

I welcome suggestions and prompting questions.

If wanted, a description of how the machine functions has been written up, and can be posted at request.

Thank you for your time.

:)

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 22 May 2020 11:04 by Deva_Victrix Show more

Re: For Critique: The Waste of Time Machine

OCuin 19 May 2020 22:45

[Placeholder - Expect crit within 24 hours]

So, I kinda like this premise. It's a fun idea, although I'm unclear on the exact parameters of the mechanics. In my head, it can reduce the age of one object and age another object, but I'm not sure if that's what you have in mind? This line, in particular, confused me:

In the case of the 'Waste of Time Machine' imagine having a pocket dimension created just for you to (for example) read a textbook and have no time pass 'outside'.

Narrative wise, this needs more detail. You've got the narrative premise and subtext, but you haven't given us the detail of what actually happens and why. What events happen and what's their throughline? That's the big thing missing here. Personally, the exploration of the character wouldn't be my favourite direction to take this, but I can see it being strong if well written, especially if the character becomes one the reader can empathise with. Try to expand on the characterisation you're going to have here as well, and what motions they are going to go through. I'd also potentially want to see a bit on how you plan on telling this story to the reader. Is it going to be exclusively his research notes, and what from will these notes take (diary, experiment logs, etc)?

I hope this feedback is helpful.

Last edited on 20 May 2020 18:30 by OCuin Show more

Re: For Critique: The Waste of Time Machine

Deva_Victrix 21 May 2020 08:27

Thanks so much!

I can't believe I didn't see the obvious "reduce the age of one object and age another object" aspect of this. I guess I was caught up with a particular concept of it that makes more sense as headcannon than if you try and put it into words.

I think you've pointed out an obviously better direction to take for the anomalous device, so I'll re-write some of the ideas.

Although I'm not entirely sure about the character direction myself, it was suggested (via #thecritters) as possibly a better idea than the skip. Plus I've seen very little on the wiki from the perspective of a creator, and I like that idea too much to give up on it.

I'll have a re-think and re-write and try and develop a solid narrative.

Thanks for your assistance!

Re: For Critique: The Waste of Time Machine

Deva_Victrix 21 May 2020 14:03

359 words, 1 min 20 sec reading time

Trying to develop the narrative:

Why did the creator create?

What actually happens and why?

Zed is setting up his own company. Formally an employee of Anderson Robotics, Zed has taken a much greater interest in the ‘magic’ side of anomalous technology. After directing/leading the department responsible for consumer applications of ‘non-reality-bound objects’, AR has helped finance a spin-out company for products not keeping with AR focus.

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Zed receives significant help from AR (though mainly financial), as well as personal contacts, but is for now, a single-person business.

Whilst ‘toying with forces beyond your ken’ is fairly standard stuff, I want to take a ‘Victorian’ attitude with this; Victorian age Britons were big believers that science and engineering could conquer natural obstacles. Why not ‘unnatural’ ones, too?

Zed makes custom, one-off or limited run, items that resemble antiques more than modern technology. The WTM is mostly conventional looking clockwork attached to some kind of thaumaturgic regulator, and then to a component that does the actual work.

Through whatever means, this device transfers ‘time’ from one object to another (one becomes old, the other becomes young).

During the creation of this machine, something goes wrong (see below). My current thinking is that it overloads, and instead of depositing the extracted time into the desired object, this excess time is released as an explosion.

The created problems would be a part of the skip. Some of which actually contribute to helping the Foundation. I’m thinking that research journals, electronic devices (and so on) could be affected, such as being left in place for all time.

The Foundation comes in after the fact, prototypes of the machine are recovered. Through what’s left of the research that can still be understood, are able to comprehend the nature of the device and what they should do with it.

What events happen?

In terms of the ‘something goes wrong’ bit. When an engine is running heat is created as a waste product. This is because no conversion of energy is 1:1. What happens when you attempt to convert ‘time had’ to ‘time remaining’. I’m trying to think of some kind of ‘time friction’ that overloads the machine and destroys it.

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 22 May 2020 06:46

Please note that reviewers in this forum should not be required to read more than 400 words to understand an author's core concept. Anything beyond that needs to be considered optional reading.