Marooned Alien Entity on Earth - Seeking Greenlights

Summary:

specializes in constructing portal devices

Marooned Alien Entity on Earth - Seeking Greenlights

Informant_Seneca 18 May 2020 21:56

The Foundation discovers a marooned alien entity that specializes in constructing portal devices.

I moved and trimmed your thread summary, since it was taking up extra space in the main forum screen. Try to keep thread descriptions (the text in the little box under the thread title) and titles short so you don't crowd out other authors in the forum listing. ~Zyn

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Some History

Page Layout (Optional): Containment Procedure, Description, Discovery, Interview Logs, Various Addendums

Elevator Pitch: Entity is to be kept in a 60x45x30 m. containment cell. It is allowed to have a work station and various engineering equipment as well as blueprint paper and writing materials. The entity is to be observed while it is working, and its activities should be logged at one hour intervals. SCP-XXXX was found in an abandoned locomotive yard near an old town in Ohio after Foundation surveillance discovered abnormal energy readings in said town. SCP-XXXX is a large 50m. long 2m. high sentient creature made of metal-like tendrils that move in an organic manner. The anomaly was found constructing temporal transportation technology, and when confronted, it agreed to be transported to the Foundation. Further investigation lead to Foundation operatives discovering archived photos of the entity assisting engineers and mechanics in the early 1800's during America's locomotive boom. These pictures were removed from the historical archives and taken to Foundation custody. The manufacturing company the entity helped has been defunct and removed from any known records.

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Central Narrative: Narratives follow Foundation staff conversing with the creature; it would respond by dropping a tendrils from its self that form words. The entity speaks in one to four word sentences. It explains that it is a high ranking engineer back on its homeworld, but was marooned on Earth for committing a crime. SCP-XXXX explains to the site director that it would share its knowledge of temporal travel, something its species does to colonize other worlds, if it is allowed to build a portal device at the site in order to go home. The site researcher agrees on one condition: every 24 hours all technology, blue prints, and formulas SCP-XXXX creates must be turned into the Foundation for research and fact checking purposes. Site scientists have so far confirmed the entity's work and that it is in fact a temporal device and nothing dangerous like a bomb. SCP-XXXX's formulas and theories can be confirmed to work, however researchers are having a hard time catching up to SCP-XXXX's knoledge on space travel and temporal technology.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The hook is seeing the Foundation having a unique opportunity to work along side an intelligent alien entity, one who is willing to share knowledge on a subject that could be helpful in the future.

Additional Notes: Photos of SCP-XXXX in the 1800's: https://main-designyoutrust.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/2-43.jpg?iv=143 and
https://main-designyoutrust.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/8-32.jpg?iv=143

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 19 May 2020 04:10 by Zyn Show more

Re: Marooned Alien Entity on Earth - Seeking Greenlights

WhiteGuard 19 May 2020 03:55

Hi, Informant_Seneca!

As we discussed in the IRC chats, I decided to take a look at your idea. Here are my findings.

+Here you go!

Entity is to be kept in a 60x45x30 m

In general, listing a specific measurement for a containment procedure that doesn't need to be specific to contribute to the story is a practice that was dropped a few Series ago. Not that there is any specific problem with it, but you will likely hear the same advice from others who review it. As far as I understand, this specific measurement isn't necessary.

It is allowed to …

The major concern I have is with how much of a leash you wish to put the entity on. I believe that there is a way to present the entity with a way to advance its goals without giving it that many resources. One way would be to have the entity draw the diagrams and have the Foundation be the ones responsible for actually building the machine. Otherwise, I would try to limit the entity a bit more. The Foundation doesn't know how dangerous the entity could be or if it is hiding some malicious intent. Try to remember that the Foundation is generally cautious before cooperative.

SCP-XXXX explains to the site director

I don't completely find it necessary to expose the Site Director to the entity right away. Going along with my previous point, it does worry me with the idea of making a deal of sorts. This may seem contradictory if you remember my article that I recommended to you; however, my article explains why the Foundation had to cave in to some of the requests of the SCP due to its nature. From what I understand about your SCP, the Foundation does not have to worry too much about containing it. Since this is the case, I would not give too much leeway to your SCP here.

It would respond by dropping tendrils from its self that form words. The entity speaks in one to four-word sentences.

I believe the strongest point of your entire article is the way the entity communicates with the researchers. As we discussed, I believe if you form a narrative explaining the entity's past and motives through broken communication such as this, allowing the researchers to piece together the story themselves, then you will have a unique story here.

SCP-XXXX's knoledge on

My final concern has to do with a number of little grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes I noticed. My recommendation is to make sure you have an experienced reviewer who is skilled with grammar to assist you with polishing out such errors.

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Overall, I have still decided to give this idea a greenlight as a junior staff member. I believe in the concept, and I believe if you follow the right advice that it can become a main-listed article. Do remember that you will still need one more greenlight from an experienced author or staff member before proceeding to the draft stage.

Re: Marooned Alien Entity on Earth - Seeking Greenlights

Informant_Seneca 19 May 2020 06:05

Thank you very much! I will iron out those problems that you have mentioned.

Re: Marooned Alien Entity on Earth - Seeking Greenlights

cybersqyd 19 May 2020 15:19

Hm. I don't know about this one; the actual concept here is pretty intriguing but it feels like it's really lacking some kind of…narrative tension? Like, there's no stakes to the action, so I'm left feeling like this might be a relatively bland read.

This is especially true because it feels like it'll be hard to do an ending that a) gives this closure and b) doesn't end up feeling extremely predictable?

The historical angle here feels…a touch unnecessary? Like I love a good historical angle to SCPs but this one feels very much like it's kinda just there and not really hugely contributing to this piece as a whole?

Re: Marooned Alien Entity on Earth - Seeking Greenlights

Informant_Seneca 19 May 2020 21:42

Thank you for your critique.
I am also working out an ending. One thing I was thinking was to keep it open ended, I am playing around with the idea that I got from the reviewer above that instead of letting the entity build, it is only allowed to write down instructions for the Foundation in order for them to build it on their own.

I was thinking that the Foundation would use this advantage and pretend to delay the building of the portal in order to keep the entity in containment, so it could further feed it information on temporal travel. Maybe a sign off by a site researcher wondering how long they could keep fooling SCP-XXXX?

As for the historical angle, I am stuck on making it more nessaricy in the story. Honestly I added it as a way to explain the photos, which in real life were taken around that time.