First SCP- The Hunting Saint

Summary:

A prehistoric beast that hunts down sinners in the name of 'God'. First article hopefully

First SCP- The Hunting Saint

Candlelit 30 Apr 2020 00:31

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Horror(?), Psychological

Page Layout: The usual, with interviews and maybe an incident report at the end.

Elevator Pitch: SCP-XXXX is a large prehistoric predator that is only tangible in low-light or night-time environments.
It claims to be a missing man who ascended to a sainthood of some sort as a ‘hound of the Lord’, and can sense 'sinners'. Being tangible only at night usually leads to his victims being absolutely terrified, an ability presumably intended to help ambush and stalk people from dark rooms or while lost at night. The fact he did this to survive before being taken into Foundation custody causes him immense distress. He clearly didn’t want to be like this but believes its what he was chosen to do and that he must carry out his 'duty', despite the clear contradictions between it and his morals/faith.
SCP-XXXX-1 is a praying mummified body found in a cave in the desert, with small offerings from nearby locals around it like crosses and photographs and such. The skip worships it believing it's meant to represent the Virgin Mary, but considering it's millions of years old there might be something more malignant going on.

Central Narrative: The poor guy is a peaceful man who sought help in prayer after the death of his family, however it appears he wasn't quite praying to the right Thing. The article would follow him through interviews and addendums as he attempts to come to terms with his new situation before he slowly unravels inside the mind of this huge beast. Terrified by the things he did to survive in the desert and the urges he gets while in his new form he gradually begins to misplace his faith more and more in XXXX-01, and eventually accepts his newfound responsibility to hunt those perceived as sinners in the name of 'god'.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Bar prehistoric creatures being relatively rare on the site (from what I could find at least), I feel like a combination of the skips deteriorating mental state/ inner struggles alongside its presentation as a creepy pseudo-religious monster could work nicely.

Additional Notes: Took quite a few days to think this over and iron it out, & its gonna be a learning curve for me what with the potentially large amounts of dialogue but hopefully I can make it happen. My biggest worry now would be making the article too long or ungainly.

Last edited on 16 May 2020 00:23 by Candlelit Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 02 May 2020 03:18

Since this thread has fallen to page 6 with no responses, this is a quick staff reminder that authors should contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed.

Please refer to this thread for more information: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

Re: First SCP- The Hunting Saint

Sonderance 04 May 2020 07:22

Placeholder! Got summoned via PM to take a look-see. Will crit in a bit! Apologies for the wait.

Alright, here’s my take.

+ Turn on the lights

First off, kudos to you for picking one of the goofiest-looking prehistoric predators known to man.

I’m honestly a bit frustrated with this idea in its current form, as you’ve mentioned two different things that’d make great thematic foundations if used alone:

the poor guy is unravelling inside this beast

portraying god as some kind of higher predatory force

However, neither of them seem to be very well-represented in this concept at the moment, and I can’t say that I can see the connection between a prehistoric predator and metaphorical/literal darkness. If you can choose one or both themes and use it/them as a backbone on which to build your narrative, I can see this really going places. Without some binding narrative, however, I don’t think this is fully-baked as of yet.

At this point, I’d recommend reading some recent successful articles to get a feel for how folks incorporate story into their concepts. If tutorials work better for you than examples, this article on creating narrative has certainly helped me in the past, as has this article on incorporating narrative.

If you’d like to edit your original post, click the “Options” button in the lower right corner and select “Edit”. I’d be happy to take a second crack at this once you’ve added a narrative, or (if you’d prefer) ask you a bunch of questions until you’ve sussed out the kind of story you’d like to tell.

If you respond to this comment and would like me to see it, please send me a Wikidot PM, as I will not be notified otherwise.

Last edited on 04 May 2020 07:40 by Sonderance Show more

Re: First SCP- The Hunting Saint

Candlelit 04 May 2020 21:31

Thank you very much for the critique, and dw about the wait! In short, I do agree with a lot of what you've said and will probably let the idea stew for a few days before returning to it. As you've mentioned the connections between the various things happening are rather thin atm so hopefully I can pump some up or relocate some to other skip ideas.

The original idea of 'super-religious man unfortunately turns into some kinda predator' & his moral struggles with that is by far the strongest theme and I feel it's what I'll focus on, as everything else kinda expanded outwards from there. As for the prehistoric aspect, I found it easier than a description that could potentially come across as a simple 'generic sp00ky monster', and am currently working it into the narrative somewhat. Although Gorgonopsids do look a liiittle odd I'll admit that. I may still use the predatory-god theme to a much much much lesser extent, but I'll see if I can work it properly into a future article as a possible connection in the future.

And I'll make sure to check out the essay links! The essays and guides here are a goldmine for any kind of writer, I think i missed those two when i read through them all first though so thank you

Re: First SCP- The Hunting Saint

Naveil 01 Jun 2020 19:23

Responding to PM Request - will crit soon-ish

Took long enough, but I finally got to this one >.<

---

Right, so the start instantly reminds me of X-man syndrome. I understand you're intentionally steering yourself into vigilante territory, but the main concern here is if you can make it unique superficially. Ultimately, the narrative that becomes more apparent the further you read in is the main selling point here, but you have to make sure that the reader can make it to that point without rolling their eyes off the page.

As for the narrative itself, it is fairly interesting, but my gripe is how you plan to unveil it. You say interviews and addendums, but I can't tell if said interviews would be before or after their transformation? Either way, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You're also being a tad too vague for my liking, not really elaborating where it matters.

Overall, you have something that could be solid, but some things need more thought. Feel free to send me or another member of the Butterfly Squad a PM when you need another pair of eyes. Good luck!

Last edited on 05 Jun 2020 21:53 by Naveil Show more