First SCP in 10 years

Summary:

I haven't published a SCP since series 1, seeking Greenlight to get back into things.

First SCP in 10 years

evilscary 16 Apr 2020 10:01

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Horror

Elevator Pitch: A strange ship is found crashed in the desert, apparently built by the Foundation. But the ship in question is still under construction, and is intended for dimensional travel. The wreckage is haunted by the ghosts of the dimensionally-scattered crew.

Central Narrative: A duplicate of a secret and as-yet-untested foundation dimensional travel vessel is found crashed in the deserts of Saudi Arabia. It originates from a parallel reality which suffered an unknown XK-class event, and was piloted to our reality by members of the parallel Foundation. Due to the effects of dimensional travel, none of the crew survived the journey intact, and the ship features several areas where the former crew can be encountered. Some have been merged with the walls and exist in a state of permanent agony. Others are shifted out of phase with reality and have gone mad. Some are aware of their situation, and are desperately trying to make contact.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The Foundation have plans to explore parallel realities. In at least one reality an XK-event has destroyed the Earth.

Additional Notes: I've written SCPs in the past (SCP-432) but that was 10 years ago! I'm asking for a Greenlight as things have changed quite a bit since I was last here.

Last edited on 16 Apr 2020 10:02 by evilscary Show more

Re: First SCP in 10 years

Dr Moned 16 Apr 2020 12:11

This overall sounds pretty good to me, you have a solid narrative it seems rather than being "a thing that does a thing". I am very bias though, I am trying to push my own GoI with very a very much similar story and love the idea of parallel timeline Foundations.

About the story. It seems to have two lines here: The Foundation find and converse with what is essentially a ghost ship, and the Foundation is making timeline travelling devices. I am unsure which of these two you are mostly pushing. The former could be good for exploration logs and a dialogue-heavy article, whereas the latter could be better suited to testing and working with the crew to try to replicate the device.

Small nitpick/ personal thing: (To preface, this is just a me thing, and may not fit into your canon. Thus this can potentially be ignored) Do you mean "an unknown XK-class event", as here defines an XK-class event as a generic end of the world scenario. "an unknown K-class event" suggests it could be one of any of the current K-class scenarios.

From what I see of your grasp of the story and previous experience I am happy to greenlight this. I would either contact another critter via Wikidot PM, or the IRC chat to gain your second greenlight. A list of good critters can be found here: Butterfly Squad.

Good luck!

Last edited on 16 Apr 2020 12:12 by Dr Moned Show more

Re: First SCP in 10 years

evilscary 16 Apr 2020 12:44

Thank you!

Regarding your questions: the article would focus more on the ghost ship element, with some exploration logs and notes on the various ghostly manifestations.

The XK class event would be left intentionally vague or redacted.

Re: First SCP in 10 years

cybersqyd 16 Apr 2020 14:02

[noting a PM request to take a look]

Hm. My big concern here is that you definitely have an interesting launching off point for a narrative (which is good!) but I'm not exactly sure where the narrative is going to go? Like, is it just gonna be finding out more about what happened or what?

Like don't get me wrong, there's definitely a lot of really interesting stuff here, particularly in the way it's open for there to be some pretty body horror-esque stuff; but also I'm a touch concerned that the logs detailing the exploration of the ship will feel a touch directionless and end up being offputting if there's not some kind of thematic tie/narrative binding it all together.

It might be worth considering what the Foundation find during the exploration here? It seems like the reveal it was an alternate dimension Foundation could be a pretty decent ending perhaps; but it might feel kinda…obvious?

Re: First SCP in 10 years

Gawdwin 16 Apr 2020 14:12

To build on the idea that it could be more than just Foundation. What if the "crew" included d-class, and/or other GoI personnel that worked with the Foundation to desperately escape a rapidly dying world.

Re: First SCP in 10 years

evilscary 16 Apr 2020 14:53

That was the intention. The ship was intended to have a crew of ~300 and only 30 random Foundation staff, D-Class and technicians made it to the ship before whatever happened occured.

Re: First SCP in 10 years

Gawdwin 16 Apr 2020 14:56

I look forward to your draft! I enjoy the idea of breaking down the events that led up to all these randoms working together while not quite getting enough info to know what cause the XK event.

Re: First SCP in 10 years

evilscary 16 Apr 2020 14:52

At the moment the draft i have focuses on several anomalous events that occur within the SCP, each the result of some of the crew who have had various unpleasant things occur due to their dimensional voyage. Some are static body-horror things, others are incorporeal and unable to communicate, others are obviously aware of their predicament and trying to communicate but are unable to do so coherently.

The narrative is generally "Dimensional travel sucks without a trained crew. Something terrible happened but these poor souls can't really explain what."

Re: First SCP in 10 years

cybersqyd 17 Apr 2020 14:24

See, my concern here is that there doesn't seem to be a lot tying all the events together? Are you intending to use the 'something terrible' to tie it all together and really make this a lot more about the mystery of what happened?

Iunno, my concern is really that you have a lot of fun individual elements and I just…don't think there's enough meat to tie it all together without some broader, overarching narrative of some description.

Re: First SCP in 10 years

evilscary 17 Apr 2020 15:07

Do you have a suggestion of an overarching narrative you could think of? I'm open suggestions.

Re: First SCP in 10 years

DianaBerry 18 Apr 2020 00:29

My main problem is the same as Cyber's. There isn't a whole lot tying everything together. But it seems that once you start writing, you'll find a way to get it to work. I agree with Moned's crit as well. There are multiple different directions you could take here. Exploration logs, if done right, could build your story. Make the characters interesting. Give us a story to follow, characters to cheer for.

Others are shifted out of phase with reality and have gone mad. Some are aware of their situation, and are desperately trying to make contact.

Use this to tie everything together. As I said. Give a story. Give a conflict, give character development, give a resolution.

With your clear enthusiasm, previous experience, and grasp on writing and developing ideas, I will gladly give a second Greenlight! Sorry if I didn't say much past what the others said, but I wanted to crit, and give you a greenlight. Good luck and welcome back!

~DianaBerry

Re: First SCP in 10 years

evilscary 20 Apr 2020 08:29

Thank you! Much appreciated!