metal bar that causes hallucinations

Summary:

scp which causes hallucinations to the handler. can be beneficial or even worse

metal bar that causes hallucinations

Aspiring 16 Mar 2020 21:55

seeking greenlights: yes

page type: scp article

genre horror/drama

elevator pitch metal bar that causes hallucinations into real things and can still hurt you mentally
central narrative scp 5xxx is a metal bar which whenever touched by humans can lead to three possibilities. the bar is 15 cm in length and 5 cm in width. the possibilities are:good, neutral, bad.
neutral:if the tester of the item thinks of money whilst holding the bar it will be visible to the tester but still not be financially beneficial as it is just a realistic hallucination
good:this scp can be used can be used to help see exact replicas of famous things no matter if you have seen it or not and be used to find codes for safes doors ect just by thinking in ones mind "…… code"bad: one experiment with Dr.█████ went wrong as he was mentally scarred by a hallucination of scp ███.further experementations have been limited to all d class personell.

hook/attention grabberscp can bring about anything old or new and can be examined by the experimenter in full detail

additional notes looking for feedback on my first idea maybe even changes to the item?

Last edited on 20 Mar 2020 10:48 by Aspiring Show more

Junior Staff Post

MalyceGraves 16 Mar 2020 22:04

Author,

Per the new required reading forum guidelines, please fill out the new concept template to seek feedback on your idea:

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**Seeking Greenlights:** Put yes or no.

**Page Type:** SCP Article, Tale, GoI Format, Joke SCP, Site Dossier, Other (specify)

**Genre (Optional):** Horror, Drama/Emotional, Comedy, Action, History, Other (specify)

**Page Layout (Optional):** [How will you will structure the page in terms of information presentation, or plot development? If you plan on using a unique format/format screw, describe that here.]

**Elevator Pitch:** [What is the basic core idea? Use a bullet point list if necessary.] 

**Central Narrative:** [Describe the story beats or overarching context/"big picture" for your piece. If there is no story content, put "none".] 

**Hook/Attention-Grabber:** [What is novel/unique about your premise? What is special about your idea here that will make it stand out among the other works already on the mainsite?] 

**Additional Notes:** [Note any concerns or particular areas of assistance you would like reviewers to focus on.]

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Re: Junior Staff Post

Aspiring 16 Mar 2020 22:14

thank you! im new so this helped alot.

Re: metal bar that causes hallucinations

MidnightMorpher 20 Mar 2020 04:35

Placeholder. Will crit in 24 hours, feel free to PM me if I don’t.

Hello, hello! While I can’t give greenlights, I can most certainly give feedback, so I hope you don’t mind :)

+ Narrative

I’ll start with the narrative. While I do kind of see what you’re trying to do with the doctor being harmed by the metal bars, I don’t think it’ll fly with readers because it makes the Foundation seem incompetent. Why would they allow something that messes with someone’s mind to be tested on a doctor without having it be tested on D-Class first? Along with the incompetence, it also seems too convenient from a storytelling standpoint to show off the bad properties of the bar.

Other than that, what is your narrative actually going to be? What are you trying to have the audience feel when they read about this SCP? I feel that that is a good starting point to shape your story, by allowing you to decide which direction you want to take this SCP.

+ Concept

Onto the actual concept. This might come off as a nitpick, but what’s the connection between metal bar and hallucinations? I might have let this pass if there was some sort of explanation in the narrative (and even then, I’m not sure how successful it would’ve been), but since there is none, the SCP comes off as being quirky for the sake of being quirky.

Furthermore, what factors decide that the effects of the SCP will be good/neutral/bad? Is it random? Is there some sort of external factor that decides the fate of whoever touches the bar? Or is it something else?

That’s all I have to say for now. My recommendation would be to adjust your narrative and clarify some aspects of your concept, then reach out to reviewers on IRC and Butterfly Squad Roster for more feedback. I wish you luck with your writing~

Last edited on 20 Mar 2020 12:47 by MidnightMorpher Show more

Re: metal bar that causes hallucinations

Aspiring 21 Mar 2020 21:27

thanks!