SCP proposal: "An unforgiving town"

Summary:

A more story-driven SCP proposal. [thread locked, overflow]

SCP proposal: "An unforgiving town"

JChmielewska 06 Mar 2020 16:46

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Drama/Emotional

Elevator Pitch: An old town somewhere north in Maine is the SCP, the old animals and humans are that are affected are SCP-XXXX-B, with strange behavior from the town, making them accelerate their age and weaken their body in many ways, making them a walking corpse almost. Mainly large wolfs and stuff and maybe humans that will be the main danger, they can infect others, but are slow and weak. most hide in the sewers of the town, where most of the expedition logs will take place.

Central Narrative: Expedition logs written by Dr. Chmielewska exploring the sewers of the town to analyze the anomalies inside. She brings an MTF group (Delta-25 "Wolf Pack") with her for protection. They encounter many SCP-XXXX-B specimens and loose MTF on the way before a few logs get corrupted. When the logs come back, there is only one MTF and Chmielewska left. The MTF is infected and she must mercy kill him and goes off in the log about how she never wanted to sacrifice troops for the expedition. She passes out from lack of oxygen and is rescued, she has no memory.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: In the containment procedures, it mentions many guards and warnings to kill any escaping entities on-site, and informs the reader to read the expedition logs as to why they must kill anyone that tries to escape.

Additional Notes: I just want to know if this idea could work with expedition log format. If any other SCPs are spooky towns like this, please inform me.

Last edited on 07 Mar 2020 03:08 by JChmielewska Show more

REWRITTEN SCP proposal: "An unforgiving town"

JChmielewska 07 Mar 2020 03:07

Post has been rewritten.

Admin Post - Info - Closed

Zyn 07 Mar 2020 04:17

Locking this thread as the author already has two new threads created in the 7 days:

• http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13107516/an-odd-copy from 1 day ago
• http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13104088/my-first-scp:an-everchanging-pot from 2 days ago

Per the Ideas Critique forum required reading, authors are limited to creating two new concept critique threads per week (7 day time period).

This is to encourage authors to commit to developing the concepts they are asking reviewers to dedicate time to critiquing, rather than just quickly posting and discarding ideas.

Re: SCP proposal: "An unforgiving town"

Abfg616 06 Mar 2020 17:13

The name seems unrelated to the anomaly, and the anomaly itself seems non-anomalous. how is a cave with weird bugs and big wolves especially anomalous?

while you say that you might add "some deaths n stuff or maybe a weird twist", it appears you haven't actually though what that twist is yet.

you also say you are attempting to make it story-driven, however most scps are, and all scps should strive to be, so don't only keep this in mind for this idea.

Just flesh out what the "weird twist" is first, and maybe change the anomaly.

p.s. this may not count, but there is an scp with an expedition log into a cave that enters an alternate earth where everything is dead, so that might count. other than that I don't think there is anything similar to what you are trying to do.

Re: SCP proposal: "An unforgiving town"

JChmielewska 06 Mar 2020 17:19

Thank you for your feedback.

you also say you are attempting to make it story-driven, however most scps are, and all scps should strive to be, so don't only keep this in mind for this idea.

People keep telling me that I need a story-driven SCP to be successful on this site, so it will be the main focus, I will try to make the SCP itself interesting.

Just flesh out what the "weird twist" is first, and maybe change the anomaly.

I will change the anomaly to a more mental effect while still keeping the animal part.

this may not count, but there is an scp with an expedition log into a cave that enters an alternate earth where everything is dead, so that might count. other than that I don't think there is anything similar to what you are trying to do.

I will change it to my original Idea of a town, with the animals in the sewers.

Last edited on 06 Mar 2020 17:40 by JChmielewska Show more

Re: SCP proposal: "An unforgiving town"

MalyceGraves 07 Mar 2020 02:49

You haven't adequately described the narrative that you want to tell.

Critique ->

Central Narrative: Expedition logs written by Dr. Chmielewska exploring the cave with a few researchers and an MTF group.

This isn't a central narrative. This tells me how you're going to convey your narrative, but it doesn't tell me what the point actually is.

What is the actual story that you're trying to tell? Is this just an exploration of a thing? Sometimes that can be a narrative, but reading a text book and reading a novel are two very different things. I need you to give a brief synopsis on what is actually found rather than just "odd bugs and animals n stuff".

Hook/Attention-Grabber: I am aware that some SCPs with expedition logs exist, so I wanted to try the format out.

This is neither a hook nor an attention grabber. Yes. There are SCPs with expedition logs, but if I have to get all the way to an expedition log before I get hooked, then I'll never get hooked at all. We have lots of SCPs with expedition logs, what makes yours different?

The hook is what makes me WANT to look at those logs. As of right now, I don't have any reason to even read a draft of this, much less explore it.

I will not be giving this idea the go-ahead as it currently stands.