Dropping Dead

Summary:

First SCP - Hoping to be greenlit

Dropping Dead

cackl 06 Mar 2020 12:31

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Horror

Elevator Pitch: The SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-2 are apartments in apartment complexes facing one another. Upon entering SCP-XXXX and looking through its window, the viewer becomes entranced, and a disfigured form of the viewer can be seen wandering around in SCP-XXXX-2, which eventually stops and stares back at them before jumping through the window to its death, and the viewer also dies.

Central Narrative: There has only been one recorded survivor, a D-Class personnel that sheds light on the SCP's behaviour to a level 3 researcher Dr Auckland, leading a team trying to understand how the figure presents itself and how SCP-XXXX-2 exists.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Autopsies find the brains of individuals killed by the SCP have suffered severe necrosis, suggesting the SCP could affect the minds of viewers mentally and physically, and SCP-XXXX-2, due to the structure and build plans of the complex it is in, should be unable to exist physically, prompting researchers to attempt to work out the nature of the SCP.

Additional Notes: As stated in summary, this is my first SCP idea. I have written a draft but as per the guidelines for this forum I won't link unless asked. Hoping for feedback, thanks!

Re: Dropping Dead

MalyceGraves 06 Mar 2020 15:33

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None of this is exciting to me.

Let's explore why ->

The SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-2 are apartments in apartment complexes facing one another. Upon entering SCP-XXXX and looking through its window, the viewer becomes entranced, and a disfigured form of the viewer can be seen wandering around in SCP-XXXX-2, which eventually stops and stares back at them before jumping through the window to its death, and the viewer also dies.

This seems like a less-interesting form of creepypasta that I've seen dozens of times. Ever since humanity started building big monotonous apartment buildings facing one another, we've written stores/movies/plays about watching the rooms on the other side. Inevitably the concept of "what if one of those endless rooms is this one, but a weird mirror?" rises to the surface and we get another one of these stories.

The addition of a "disfigured form" of the viewer adds nothing for me, and the fact that the "other" eventually suicides/forces the viewer to do same seems more like adding loldeath just for shits and giggles. It doesn't make it horrific, it just makes it boring.

The hook doesn't add anything more to this, other than the brains are somehow heavily damaged by some unknown means. We have lots of these kinds of things already.

Overall, this reads like a marginally more complex series 1 article that we already have a thousand of. The narrative isn't so much of a narrative as exposition enforcing the existence of yet another thing what does a thing.

Normally I try and think of something to salvage an idea, but it has been overplayed so much that I'm not coming up with anything that hasn't already been done.

I will not be giving the go-ahead on this.

Last edited on 06 Mar 2020 23:06 by MalyceGraves Show more

Re: Dropping Dead

cackl 07 Mar 2020 06:05

Appreciate the feedback, I’ll be moving to a completely different idea.