The Void Stares Back

Summary:

Greenlight Request

The Void Stares Back

Naveil 01 Mar 2020 22:13

EDIT: Completely restructuring this thread due to the new system. This thread was originally made before it was introduced, but I thought I'd give it a shot to be safe.

Content Warnings: Trauma and suicide

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Emotional Narrative

Page Layout: Special Containment Procedures - Description - Instances List - Interview Log - Addendums (Central Narrative)

+ Elevator Pitch

The SCP is a phenomena that manifests itself near people with mental or emotional trauma. It takes multiple different forms, all pertaining to the person it manifests to. The main pattern is that becomes what the person finds most comforting. For instance, an orphan might find the SCP as a teddy bear. A drug addict might find a needle. A war veteran might find a wedding ring, and so on. The distinct feature that makes the SCP recognizable is that the objects are coloured vantablack, basically making them resemble their original forms only by silhouette. Might rewrite this part.

If the person notices it, they will then proceed to have a memetic "conversation" with it. The effect of this is that the people begin to feel immensely better psychologically after said conversation. Think of it as a mental therapy session. The object will then cease any anomalous properties.

+ Central Narrative

First off is an interview log with a level 3 researcher who suffered from a troubled childhood. She states the effects of the SCP and their effects on her.

(This part is where it really sucks to be brief, but I'll try)
Affected individuals are amnesticised. The unintended consequence of this is that their trauma increases ten fold and the individuals become borderline suicidal. Exposure to their object has no affect. This leaves a moral challenge for the Foundation. Do they protect the secrecy of the SCP, or just let the damaged people be happy? They answer it by continuing to issue amnestics, but offering psychological help to the victims.

Soon after, the objects begin to go missing. The Foundation realizes this is linked to the objects' owners taking their lives. In their places are messages. Among other things, they display general disappointment in the Foundation for their actions.

Instances of the SCP begin to stagnate. A statement is released by the aforementioned researcher stating how she feels guilty about the trail of bodies the Foundation left, easily preventable no less. Her message ends with a small twist (but I'm running out of space). SCP is reclassified as Neutralized.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The central idea of this SCP. I feel like it hits home with certain people on childhood/adulthood trauma. The narrative is also strong enough to stand on its own, in my opinion. I'm inspired by SCP-1762 in a lot of cases.

Additional Notes: Probably need suggestions for a better name. Also, I'm terrible at being brief, so feel free to ask questions.

Last edited on 05 Mar 2020 16:45 by Naveil Show more

Re: The Void Stares Back

Dominic Hammerson 01 Mar 2020 22:57

It's actually a really good idea man!
I'm pretty sure you'll get greenlights soon!

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 01 Mar 2020 22:59

Dominic Hammerson, this feedback is vague and unhelpful.

What about the idea is really good? Why do you as a reader like it?

If you're going to try giving feedback in the forums, try to at least respond to specifics rather than posting a generic response that could be interpreted as relating to any number of drafts. Ideally, it should be clear that you've read the particular concept at hand.

Next time, please hold off on making the first post so a more experienced reviewer can address the thread first. As staff reviewers prioritize threads with no replies, someone posting a low-content critique actually can make it harder for the author to get a more thorough review.

Author, if you have trouble getting further replies on this thread, you can go to the IRC chatroom and ask people there if they can reply to the forum thread, or message a staff member and ask them if they can direct chat attention to the thread. You can also reach out to a reviewer on the Butterfly Squad Roster.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Dominic Hammerson 01 Mar 2020 23:05

I've didn't mean to cause any problems, I apologize if I did make any

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 01 Mar 2020 23:10

Please provide the author with more workable feedback. The [[Guide Hub]]] "critter resources" section has resources on how you can improve various aspects of reviewer skills. At the very least, tell authors what you liked and why, and what you would change (if anything) and why.

These guidelines are present in this thread: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-9804362/so-you-want-to-be-a-concept-reviewer which is stickied at the top of the forum listing.

Re: The Void Stares Back

MalyceGraves 04 Mar 2020 15:36

{placeholdered}

It's clear to me that you've worked hard at creating a narrative here, and I appreciate that. It's the narrative itself that drives this piece and makes the whole thing work.

Moving on ->

I think you're already aware of this, but I feel it should be said regardless. The subject matter of mental illness and trauma can be really problematic if not done right. I think it's important that it isn't approached in a way that is either disparaging of the illness or dismissive of the events that lead to the trauma. All I'm saying is please be respectful.

I'm not a fan of the whole "vantablack" thing, though i understand how it plays into your narrative. Someone walking around with a black void as an object would be really obvious, so I can understand why the Foundation would want to put a stop to it. Eh. It works for your story, even if I don't like that part of it.

Also, please put some thought into how you present this. Formatting plays a major role in the readability of the article. If you wall of text it, no one will want to read it. Same if you make it overly complicated. Make your story accessible, and that'll get the readership you want.

Finally, a name suggestion? "When the Void Stares Into You".

Greenlight.

Last edited on 04 Mar 2020 18:37 by MalyceGraves Show more

Re: The Void Stares Back

Naveil 04 Mar 2020 18:54

Thank you!

+ show block

Regarding mental illness and trauma, I completely understand where you're coming from. This'll probably be the part I'll be most cautious about. My plan is to have numerous undetailed reports of trauma (instances list) and one specific case (interview log). I think I have enough writing experience to write about said event respectfully, but if I fuck up, please call me out.

The vantablack part isn't essential to the story. I added it as part of the "void" motif. Even if the majority of the article has shifted away from that part of the story, I still wanted to reference where it came from. It was also to add a distinguishable feature to the SCP instead of just a memetic version of the regular object. I might change it up though, thanks for the feedback on this part.

Finally, the wall of text is actually one of my biggest concerns. I want to add a lot to my article, every single section complimenting one another. That being said, too much text isn't great. Hell, I even write too much when making my concepts and replying to critiques (evidently seen: now). This is something I'll try to iron out during the drafting phase, but I'll treat it with caution.

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 05 Mar 2020 06:23

Naveil, as per the Ideas Critique required reading: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13095662/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas concept summaries should not exceed 400 words. What you have here is almost 140 words over the limit. Please trim your material accordingly.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Naveil 05 Mar 2020 16:47

Sorry about that, Zyn. I've trimmed the thread down to ~400 words. Still goes slightly over the limit, so let me know if that's a problem.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 06 Mar 2020 08:35

Still goes slightly over the limit, so let me know if that's a problem.

That'll depend on the reviewer. If it's a little over it shouldn't be a big deal.

Re: The Void Stares Back

Doctor Fullham 07 Mar 2020 06:18

I think the main thing that you have going for you hear that sets this apart from other trauma-based SCPs is that you're focusing on the recovery more than the trauma itself. It's definitely going to demand care when it comes to talking about the actual trauma, but I think this is a safer way to approach that kind of topic than most other ideas of this variety that we see around here. We talked a bit on the IRC chat about this as well, and it seems like you have a good grasp on the anomaly itself, as well as the sort of story you want to tell with it. I am 100% for SCPs that explore Foundation ethics, and I feel like this one takes an angle that I haven't seen tackled a whole lot.

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this Greenlight with you.

^{Or is this greenlight just what you want to see?}

Re: The Void Stares Back

Naveil 07 Mar 2020 11:47

Thank you!

I don't have too much to add here. As I said with MalyceGraves, I'll approach trauma very carefully. If I fuck up during the drafting phase, please let me know.