Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-5020 are to be…
Conprocs serve multiple purposes. In my opinion, the most important of these purposes is to provide a hook that draws the reader in. "Hmm, those are interesting, I wonder what this does that requires these specific things?" Because of that, overloading them with unnecessary items just clutters the visual field and doesn't actually help in creating the draw you're looking for.
Example: There doesn't seem to be a purpose for the containment vessel to be made of titanium. This is a detail that adds nothing and isn't referred to later. The x1.5 addition is similar, though it provides unnecessary detail that is distracting at best. Unless there is a very specific reason for such precision, leave it out.
Additionally, x1.5 the size of the object is not actually precise, as you do not list the size of the object.
Description: SCP-5020 is a group of trees…
The description exists to further the narrative, to give meat to the hook that you planted in your conprocs. This is where you begin to really get into the story that you're trying to tell. Crafting it should be careful and deliberate.
How was the object found? Was its initial location important to your story? How did the Foundation acquire it? Etc.
On █/█/1984, a strange tree was found in Illinois that was mysteriously growing into the ground.
Unnecessary blackboxing serves little to further most pieces. Redacting the specific date is unnecessary and once again, it clouds the visual field. Remember, this document is "being viewed" by someone with sufficient security clearance to view just about anything you want to put in it. Even so, there is no reason at all to redact the specific date.
Days later, after intense studying…
Intensive study is often measured in months or years, rarely days. The entirety of this section lacks the clinical tone that is required for most successful SCP articles. Clinical tone can be difficult to master, as it is a fairly unnatural way of speaking. The Clinical Tone Declassified page can help in giving you the tone you're looking for.
They went to go investigate, and they found a tree that was growing straight into the ground, upon which the object was moved into containment.
This sentence has multiple grammatical errors. Grammar is extremely important when telling a story in a written medium. If your sentence cannot be read, or is too confusing to make sense, it will leave the reader feeling like they've wasted their time attempting to. This will almost always lead to a downvote.
Overall, this piece is just a thing what does a thing. This is a major flaw in most of what I see fail on the main site. While the Series I skips tend to mostly fall into this category, the voting populace now wants to read a story, not just a log entry about an anomalous thing.
As I posted on your main list article:
- Read a lot. Take the time to read the articles here, and to read stuff elsewhere. Ambrose Bierce wrote some excellent disquieting fiction and created a big chunk of the platform that later horror writers stood upon. HP Lovecraft. Edgar Allan Poe. These are all literary masters for a reason, and while their more archaic style isn't always up to modern standards, the genius of their work is still very relevant.
- Take some time to really storyboard out your idea. Look at it from a bunch of angles, see if you can find any inconsistencies or narrative gaps. The links that I have provided above can be really helpful in that.
- Get some critique of your idea. There are a lot of people that are really good at what they do that are willing to help if you just give them the time to do so. Posting a thread or asking in the chat and then immediately leaving or abandoning the question/thread without giving reviewers an opportunity to respond will not get you the help you want.
- Once you have a good idea, write a draft, then give that several read-overs. Write it, then go take a walk or watch a show, then come back and give it another read over. Read it out loud. Read it to a friend.
- Once you have a solid draft, get it critiqued by authors here that have experience with the site. Lots of good help in that as well.
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