SCP Idea , need a review

Summary:

I would like to know if my idea could become an SCP, and if the idea has already been taken

SCP Idea , need a review

Grimner 24 Jan 2020 13:46

Hey everyone, I finished writing some SCPs (but without using the right language and presentation, that'll come later).

Since I haven't read a lot of the SCPs, I dont quite know if my idea has been taken, or something similar.

the SCP in a nutshell :

-Euclid
-Human male
-Subjects watching him always see him staring back, even through cameras
-Pushes you to commit suicide if you look at him long enough

Full description of the SCP:

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"So, my SCP would be a human male, or at least that's his appearance.
He would be Euclid, and his ability would be that no matter who looks at him, the subject will always see the SCP staring him back (so even if you have 10 people looking at him from different angles, all would report being stared at)."

When being looked indirectly, like from a camera, SCP will appear to be looking into the camera's lens. Every person looking at the monitor will feel a presence right behind him, but nobody will see anything EXCEPT when filming the subject watching the monitor, then the SCP would be seen 10cm behind the subject. In the meantime, SCP is still seen in the cell.

In both cases (direct vision or indirect), the subjects will feel more and more anxious as time goes by, to the point of feeling the urge to commit suicide if they stare at SCP for too long.**

Extra ideas :

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** - SCP can't be touched. If a human tries to, he will immediatly feel the urge to commit suicide just before touching him. Objects thrown at SCP lose all kinetic energy just before hitting it.

-With that in mind, an experience was led : With no cameras in the room, an ink canon (or something like that) was used to shoot at him, to see how SCP behaves when he is not being observed ( Which would be seen with the silhouette left on the wall after being sprayed with ink). And this experiment would show that no silhouette is left on the wall, raising the hypothesis that SCP is not in the cell when he is not being observed

- SCP is really passive. He doesnt move much, and doesnt seem to try to escape. He just sometimes tries to walk out the door when the personnel opens the door of his cell, but is easilly contained if the door is closed fast enough **

Sorry if it's too long or too messy, I just had a lot to say :P

Thanks peeps :)

Last edited on 24 Jan 2020 17:23 by Grimner Show more

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

Christinewho 24 Jan 2020 14:44

I'm not sure if I read something like that myself since I am pretty new too and there's so many…But, it seems pretty good…But, you should wait for more.

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 24 Jan 2020 15:41

Christinewho, this feedback is vague and not particularly helpful.

I'm not sure if I read something like that myself since I am pretty new too and there's so many…

Given that the author has asked specifically for this question to be answered, this doesn't help them at all. At least try to give them resources to help them find out on their own, whether the Tag Search tool, suggesting they use the site searchbar, or going through deletion archives since sometimes the reason we don't have a kind of piece is because no one's written a version the audience liked.

But, it seems pretty good…

What specifically about the idea "seems" good? Why do you as a reader like that part?

But, you should wait for more.

As staff reviewers prioritize threads with no replies, someone posting a low-content critique actually can make it harder for the author to get a more thorough review.

Author, if you have trouble getting further replies on this thread, you can go to the IRC chatroom and ask people there if they can reply to the forum thread, or message a staff member and ask them if they can direct chat attention to the thread. You can also reach out to a reviewer on the Butterfly Squad Roster.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Grimner 24 Jan 2020 16:13

thanks for the help and feedback

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

captexe 24 Jan 2020 15:44

Hey!

~ Edit: It seems Zyn and I were writing these out around the same time and have similar ideas. I will share this nonetheless, I hope it's still helpful.

Christinewho, I'm sure the author appreciates the help, but this feedback is insubstantial and not particularly useful in developing a concept. If you don't feel confident in your ability to give feedback on an idea, it would be helpful if you were to avoid posting first on a thread.
Critters prioritize threads with no comments, so you're reducing the chances of the author receiving substantial feedback.

And, Author, as a general note to courtesy to our mobile users, please keep your summary short so it doesn't visually crowd others. All you'll need for a summary could be "An SCP where no matter who looks at him, the subject will always see the SCP staring him back" at maximum.
And additionally, please collapse long bodies of text if you have more than a couple of paragraphs.

+ Line by Line

So, my SCP would be a human male, or at least that's his appearance.

Would he be a human male, or would he appear to be a human male? I assume that they are, but when writing articles and summaries of material, you have to remember that the viewer cannot read your mind. Specify what exactly the humanoid is, whether it's anomalous or cromulent. Whether it appears to be a human male, or is one.

Every person looking at the monitor will feel a presence right behind him, but nobody will see anything EXCEPT when filming the subject watching the monitor, then the SCP would be seen 10cm behind the subject.

I actually think that this concept is quite interesting, but you would need some story and more elaboration of your points behind this. When recorded from a camera, does something change when two people stand on either side of the SCP? Will the specimen stay in one place, or manifest as two and be shown behind them? Have there been reports of attempted suicide from D-Class after testing?

SCP can't be touched. If a human tries to, he will immediatly feel the urge to commit suicide just before touching him

Does this mean that the subject will commit suicide before touching him, or just feels that way? If the latter, wouldn't that still make it possible to touch him? Is there an outside force stopping this?

raising the hypothesis that SCP is not in the cell when he is not being observed

Where would he go? This is good because the Foundation loves testing stuff. That being said, how could the Foundation find out that he really isn't in the cell while being observed? And as you said, since he seems to want out when officials open the cell door, if he was able to no-clip out of the cell, why would he come back while being observed?

+ Comments

I dont quite know if my idea has been taken, or something similar.

Just as a note, if you're not sure whether or not your idea has been taken, you can always search tags on the wiki that relate to your subject.

• I would strongly suggest going through the Butterfly Squad Roster and contact one of them for more in-depth feedback and greenlights!

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— Capt

Last edited on 24 Jan 2020 15:48 by captexe Show more

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

Grimner 24 Jan 2020 16:12

thanks for the help :) is it better?

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

Grimner 24 Jan 2020 17:34

oops sorry, didnt see the collapsed parts

-So he would have the appearance of a human male ,but his nature is still undetermined. A human appearance is the only human thing he shows, except a few whispers when he is in someone's back.

-Everything you asked in the 2nd quote is specified in the final SCP description, that i thought was too long to be posted here. The SCP Would still be in the cell, and at the mean time can be filmed in the back of every single person looking at it from an indirect vision.
I also wrote a few experiments, including one that tests how long a D-class can stay sane, after watching the SCP or trying to touch it. So yes, there have been (but the numbers and all are either gonna be decided later, or classified)

- He would feel an urge so strong that he will essentially become insane and run away to commit suicide, and absolutely nothing can stop the subject from trying to commit suicide. So he'd go insane before physically touching the SCP.

- As to where would he go, i didn't think of that yet. I was actually thinking of 2 options. Either the SCP is not in his cell when not observed, OR the SCP only has a material form when being observed, but he'd still be there when not observed, but as an etheral being or something like that.
For the 1st option, i think of him as being completely neutral. He has no will to go anywhere in particular and doesnt mind being put in a cell. I also like to think of him as simply "only existing when he is being observed", or maybe returning to a pocket dimension of some sort.
But yeah thats definitely a topic i'd like to work on.

thanks for the review :)

Last edited on 24 Jan 2020 17:38 by Grimner Show more

Admin Post - Info - Open

Zyn 25 Jan 2020 07:19

Grimner, instead of posting multiple comments in succession, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of every comment. That helps prevent spam.

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

Dr Ferrum 24 Jan 2020 17:02

the ability and personality seems a lot like SCP-096, basically you seem him and you die eventually, but there are parts that are different so it could work if you try to focus on the differences in its article

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

Grimner 24 Jan 2020 17:12

Well no, the way i see him, he is completely devoid of emotions and "neutral". As long as you dont look at him for too long, you're fine. If you look at him for say, less than 30s, the effects will stop immediatly.

He isnt gonna chase you down or anything, he's just a man that stares at you and makes you extremely anxious.

The thing i added in "extra ideas" about the ink would make him more mysterious i think. I really like the idea that his nature makes it so that you don't even know if he is real or if he is just a product of the subject's brain.

Thanks for the feedback tho :)

Edit : Oh and i forgot to clear that up in the description, but when he appears behind someone that is watching the camera, he still is in the cell at the same time

Last edited on 24 Jan 2020 17:21 by Grimner Show more

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

MalyceGraves 24 Jan 2020 22:09

As of now, there is little about this that evokes any interest in reading more about this.

Let's talk about why ->

All right, here's the deal: This idea sounds like a series 1 skip, and that's not a good thing. The site has largely moved on from the writing style that was common in series 1, so the simple "thing that does a thing" concept is no longer sufficient to draw positive attention from the community at large.

As it stands, I am not able to give this a green light.

That being said, the way this idea is currently laid out doesn't sound very interesting. What kind of narrative are you planning on here? If the strongest conflict in this idea is that this guy makes people want to kill themselves, then there is no narrative arc worth following.

Why does this guy make people want to kill themselves? How is that somehow different from all the other skips that make people want to shuffle loose the mortal coil? Does this guy have a history? Is he a human cursed with something awful, did he tangle with the wrong eldritch horror? Is he the offspring of some nightmare union between an ancient lich and some unsuspecting mortal? Where does this anomaly originate? Does he have thoughts/feelings/wants/desires?

If you need some help developing a more concrete narrative, there are a lot of available resources here:

• Seminars Hub - There are some excellent seminars that have talked about creating narratives, creating monsters, etc. Just check out the notes from past seminars.
• Your First SCP - An in-depth article about going through the process of writing your first SCP article.
• Nico's Thing What Do a Thing Essay - Your idea is mainly just a thing what does a thing. This might help clear up the process.
• Humanoid SCP Object - How to write a humanoid SCP.
• Essay on Terror
• Common Pitfalls

Also, I suggest reading a bunch before deciding to toss your hat into the ring. You said in your initial post that you haven't read many SCP articles, and I think that that's really holding you back.

I hope this helps.

Re: SCP Idea , need a review

Grimner 24 Jan 2020 22:24

Thanks for the review, I know i'm quite an amateur, hence why i'm looking for help and reviews, so thanks :)

I gotta say that this SCP was imagined a few months ago, and it wasnt meant to be an SCP at first, but im trying to adapt it, and i get that it doesnt really match the recent SCPs standards.

I personally like to let a lot of mystery around horror characters, but yeah i get that for the scientific purposes of the SCP fundation, stuff needs to be explained.

Gonna check all those links, thanks