Overall
I really enjoyed this piece. I admit, it is the first of the series that I've read, and joining mid-flow probably means that I'm not going to get the full impact of what is going on. Even so, I really did enjoy this, and I'll definitely go and check out the rest of what you're doing with this.
I am a bit of a foodie, and I love the thought of a food critic that focuses on anomalous restaurants. The idea to explore the cuisine of a world where magic and supertech exists is really neat. It's a look into the mundane lives of people that are far from mundane, and I really like the concept.
SPaG
Your experience really shows here. I was unable to find anything that stood out to me.
Consistency/Flow
There are a couple of stylistic things that stood out to me. I realize that they're a conscious choice, but I wanted to point them out.
"A while? It's been, what, a few days?!" Boss answered. "I get that you like traveling, but I'm putting a lot of resources into you. You've gotta squeeze all you can outta Three Ports!" Usually he would've been screaming, but I guess my food reviews had been gaining traction in the Peculiar Post. Good reception equals more money for him, after all.
The dialogue shift from what Boss is saying to Morrison's inner monologue is fairly jarring here. I had to take a sec and recognize the internal tonal shift. I give each character a voice in my head, and I had to read this twice to get the voices right.
They gulped. "It's what the cook made for you."
I really appreciate the inclusion of non-gendered or NB folx in pieces. This use, however, seemed a bit dehumanizing rather than de-gendering. There isn't much of a description of the waiter aside from the intentional use of the non-gender "they", so I wasn't sure if that was an effect of Morrison casually dismissing them as a non-person, or if they genuinely were presenting as an NB individual.
The way the waiter responds to Morrison's critique of the food really reinforces that impression, so I am uncertain if this was what you were intending. I get it that critics in general try and disassociate the person from the service/product/art, but this seems fairly rude and out of character. I could also be missing something by not being overly familiar with the greater part of the narrative.
Reviewing something when I am not the intended audience does not leave a good taste in my mouth.
I loved this line. It's a great pun.
Closing Remarks
I am a bit in agreement with A Random Day on this. Morrison seems like a consummate professional, and even if being forced to relive an unpleasant childhood (Is he an escapee from The Factory? 'cause that's how I interpreted the gruel), I feel that most food critics would have found something more to say than "My experience sucked, but yours might not".
Encapsulating it by putting in a throwaway line like "Just make sure to research wherever you're going first, otherwise your experience may not be the best." seems exactly like the kind of thing a bad reviewer would do. I don't get the impression that Morrison is a bad reviewer, so this seems like a choice you made that the reader may not pick up on as being intentional.
