MalyceGraves> All right. Since I'll be logging this, I would prefer to remain on task. We are going over the peice "Ahaemamorpha" (http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12963146/ahaemamorpha)
18:16 <Cyvstvi> Yep.
18:17 <MalyceGraves> Any specific questions before we begin?
18:17 <Cyvstvi> First question I ask everyone who reads my articles, yay, nay or borderline?
18:17 <MalyceGraves> Nay.
18:17 When we go over it, I'll explain why
18:17 <Cyvstvi> Okay
18:17 Yeah no problem
18:18 <MalyceGraves> I think it's absolutely redeemable, but as it stands, I'd be a -1
18:18 <Cyvstvi> Thankfully, that's what 1st drafts are for
18:18 <MalyceGraves> Agreed. Ok, I'll crit each iteration one at a time. I'll go over line edits first, then my overall opinion
18:19 <Cyvstvi> Sounds good.
18:20 <MalyceGraves> First iteration. I spoke earlier about my personal distaste for the full-colored ACS header. I think it detracts from the piece in that it's flashy. However, I believe that the designations chosen here are correct. I agree with the security level, disruption class, and risk class.
18:20 <Cyvstvi> Mhm.
18:20 I think the ACS is too flashy as well on a second read through.
18:21 <MalyceGraves> I suggested the Woedenaz version, and I think that it'd fit well with the piece that you're going for. I will mention that this is a personal choice on my part, and ultimately it is your call on what it looks like
18:22 <Cyvstvi> I made play around with adapting a version that has qualities from both, but for now, the woedenaz one does look fine.
18:22 *may play
18:22 <MalyceGraves> Containment of SCP-XXXX relies solely upon the observation, enactment and fulfillment of the Veri ritual1 <— I suggest the use of the oxford comma. observation, enactment, and fulfillment of
18:23 Also, the footnote should either be a definition of the term "Veri ritual" or should be moved to Veri^1
18:23 <Cyvstvi> I think I'll define at the word Veri, since I want to save the reveal for further down the article, agree with the call though.
18:24 <MalyceGraves> As for the footnote itself. "Sarkic" is not the name of their language. The Sarkics are Adytites, and their language is Adityte. The term "Sarkic" is seen as a derogatory term given to them by the Church of the Broken God and associated Mekhanite sects
18:24 it comes from the Greek word that means "flesh"
18:25 <Cyvstvi> So the Adyityte language.
18:25 yeah I should have figured, I already knew sarkic was an insult.
18:25 <MalyceGraves> Adytum is the fabled city founded by Grand Karcist Ion. "The Empire of Adytum" was the nationstate created by Ion during the Sarkic War
18:26 <Cyvstvi> Mhm
18:27 <MalyceGraves> "Any deviation from such a ritual will potentially result in a total breakdown of human society and the potential destruction of humankind in its present form." At no point in any of the iterations do you make it clear what She Who Slakes will do to society as a whole should the covenant be broken. You could say "… could potentially result in…"
18:28 or make the consequences for breaking the covenant clearer
18:28 <Cyvstvi> "If we do not fulfil the bargain, the Veri ritual will not just be performed on our own flesh, but all flesh."
18:28 Should I make that a bit clearer.
18:28 <MalyceGraves> Hm. I missed it on the initial read through, I admit that.
18:28 <Cyvstvi> I'll have a look at it and rework it maybe.
18:29 <MalyceGraves> I think you could draw attention to it a little more.
18:29 Let's table it until we get to that part?
18:29 <Cyvstvi> Yep, sure thing.
18:30 <MalyceGraves> In that same vein "The consequence of not performing the ritual according to the stipulations of the covenant signed by the Maddison family are outlined in Document XXXX." I understand why this document isn't linked here, but I think if you aren't going to link it on the front page, you should not include it here.
18:30 Also, I personally prefer to use XXXX.doc.01 to reference attached docs
18:30 <Cyvstvi> That's a hangover from a previous version of the scip, can't believe I missed it.
18:30 <MalyceGraves> Document XXXX could be construed as referring to the SCP article itself
18:31 <Cyvstvi> I encountered that problem when trying to write that section in myself.
18:32 <MalyceGraves> I have vacillated between "Veri ritual" and "Veri Ritual", since it refers to a specific proper designation
18:32 <Cyvstvi> I was unsure which one I was going to select.
18:32 <MalyceGraves> I'm leaning towards Veri Ritual, contextually
18:33 <Cyvstvi> Since there is only one, yes that would seem right.
18:34 <MalyceGraves> "…known neosarkic cults…" Should be "…known Neo-Sarkic cults…"
18:34 as referenced in the Sarkicism Hub
18:34 <Cyvstvi> I like that a lot more, just used to writing neoliberalism so often in essays and such,
18:34 <MalyceGraves> Fair.
18:35 "In particular, the Foundation is to work in partnership with the Confraternity of Saint George's Knights2." <- I think that you should clarify it. "When specifically interacting with congregations under the auspices of the Catholic Church, the Foundation should work in tandem with the Confraternity…"
18:36 Because the Catholics are only one of several denominations that utilize a Eucharist Ritual
18:36 <Cyvstvi> Yeah, I messed that one up a little.
18:36 <MalyceGraves> The CoE, American Episcopals, Lutherans, etc.
18:36 <Cyvstvi> It was primarily because the other denominations largely lack a centralised body nowadays.
18:36 CofE is the only one I can name of the top of my head.
18:36 <MalyceGraves> Not to mention the Orthodox churches like the Coptics and the Greek/Roman Orthodoxies
18:37 <Cyvstvi> There's more Eurocentrism flicking off at me.
18:37 Completely forgot about the Orthoxdoxies.
18:38 <MalyceGraves> I don't know if the Methodist Communion would also fall under this, they don't call it "The Eucharist"
18:38 and their ritual is slightly different
18:38 significantly different, in most cases
18:38 <Cyvstvi> I think since we're dealing with an eldritch boogaloo, I doubt it would mean much to it.
18:38 <MalyceGraves> Also, I think the LDS practice a ritualized Eucharist
18:39 <Cyvstvi> I think it's the act of communion in particular that gets its blood going.
18:39 I was mainly latching onto the transubstantiation as the vehicle.
18:39 <MalyceGraves> So then you could simply reference "All Abrahamic Religions"
18:39 No
18:39 I'm wrong.
18:39 <Cyvstvi> Islam doesn't.
18:39 <MalyceGraves> Neither do the Jews
18:40 <Cyvstvi> Christian faith and its denominations?
18:40 <MalyceGraves> I think that'd work. Or all religious organizations that practice Transubstantiation as part of their religious observance
18:40 <Cyvstvi> I like that second one even more.
18:41 <MalyceGraves> Stand by
18:44 "basement of the Maddison family manor in Western Massachusetts but currently resides within the entirety of Site-3." -> "Western Massachusetts" is not correct. I suggest picking a county. ie:
18:45 "…basement of the Maddison family manor located in Berkshire County, Massachusetts, but currently resides…"
18:45 <Cyvstvi> I was going to use Berkshire originally.
18:45 <MalyceGraves> Excellent coincidence.
18:45 <Cyvstvi> Oh, did you get the implication that Site-3 is just a site they built around the manor?
18:45 <MalyceGraves> No.
18:45 <Cyvstvi> Like, the amorphous mass got so big, they can't move so they just extended it.
18:46 <MalyceGraves> Downsides to deep level crit, some of the implications get missed
18:46 I immediately understood why once you said it
18:46 <Cyvstvi> Right, I'll probably just directly say it, it was a very weak implication.
18:46 <MalyceGraves> "Neutralisation of SCP-XXXX-1 entities is strictly forbidden under the covenant and attempts to neutralise SCP-XXXX-1, both directly and indirectly have resulted in [REDACTED]."
18:47 Personal choice here, but I absolutely hate using [REDACTED] for anything, especially in something with an L5 security clearance
18:47 <Cyvstvi> So, the covenant actually doesn't say anything about that funnily enough, which is something I did on accident.
18:47 <MalyceGraves> The implication for THAT is that only The Administrator and certain special people with an L6 can see the [redacted]
18:47 <Cyvstvi> But also, yeah, redacted feels weird on a L5, the document was originally L4.
18:48 Yeah, it's not that bad that it's Cosmic clearance level.
18:48 I mean, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of what happens if you try.
18:48 <MalyceGraves> Also, since it isn't strictly forbidden under the Covenant, I suggest modifying the sentence entirely.
18:48 Oh, I'm 100% with you on that
18:49 <Cyvstvi> I was gonna consider "have failed" but I wanted a punishment for somebody trying to kill the child of a cosmic horror.
18:49 <MalyceGraves> "ability to occupy subjects that participate in Veri rituals." <- I suggest "possess" instead of "occupy"
18:50 The connotation is very different
18:50 <Cyvstvi> Somebody first suggested occupy, I think possess works better since its, y'know, demons n stuff.
18:50 <MalyceGraves> Yeah
18:50 Also, go ahead and give us some nasty punishment.
18:50 <Cyvstvi> I gotta think of my nasty punishment now,
18:50 It's gotta be bad, like bad bad.
18:51 <MalyceGraves> Or simply say that all attempts to neutralise the iterations have resulted in the offending units being consumed and added to the mass
18:51 <Cyvstvi> See, that implies that the thing is "somewhat evil" or has some form of sentience.
18:51 <MalyceGraves> Also, if I correct a spelling that is a euro-centric spelling, please let me know
18:52 <Cyvstvi> It's just a blob of fleshy bits, I think something punishing fits better but I'll have to find something.
18:52 <MalyceGraves> I'm usually fairly good at recognizing the differences, but sometimes I miss
18:52 <Cyvstvi> Oh yeah don't worry, I can back and fix the English spellings.
18:52 *go
18:52 <MalyceGraves> It isn't important
18:53 <Cyvstvi> Oh, did you think I got the tone right?
18:53 <MalyceGraves> Clinical tone?
18:53 <Cyvstvi> Mhm.
18:53 <MalyceGraves> For the most part
18:54 <Cyvstvi> There's a few tonal issues in the interview that I'm aware of already,.
18:54 but that can wait
18:55 <MalyceGraves> " The ritual can be instigated by following a strict set of criteria during the Eucharist." <— I don't like this sentence, I think it's weak. I suggest "The ritual can be instigated by adhering to a strict set of specific deviations to pre-existing Rites of the Eucharist"
18:56 "Adherance" is more clinical than "following"
18:56 <Cyvstvi> instigated or initiated?
18:56 <MalyceGraves> instigated is appropriate
18:56 <Cyvstvi> I agree that it needs to change and I love adherence, its such a cool word
18:56 <MalyceGraves> You initiate a thing, you instigate an action
18:57 <Cyvstvi> Ahh.
18:57 <MalyceGraves> "of the bread and sacramental wine," both are sacramental
18:57 Also, this raises a point. Must it be wine, specifically? Some denominations use grape juice instead
18:59 <Cyvstvi> It could be grape juice, but sacramental wine is the catch-all term for it.
18:59 so wines, grape juices, they're all known as the sac wine
18:59 I might change that to sacramental bread and wine, changes the message
18:59 <MalyceGraves> "At this point, the ritual is impossible to prevent and will continue unabated" explain further for me please?
19:00 Is the ritual itself impossible to prevent, specifically, or is it because it's so wide-spread
19:00 <Cyvstvi> The ritual itself is impossible to prevent once it begins.
19:00 Any attempts to neutralise participants would result in the ritual coming to its conclusion.
19:01 Aka, blob monster.
19:01 <MalyceGraves> K
19:01 I have a suggestion, but gimme a sec to formulate the specifics
19:01 <Cyvstvi> Yeah, no problem.
19:02 I also messed up a little with this page since, again, hangovers from previous version. The mass is supposed to materalise at Site-3/the Maddison basement.
19:02 <MalyceGraves> That's easier to deal with, for sure
19:02 I think that at least some effort should be expended on attempting to prevent the modifications to the ritual
19:03 <Cyvstvi> Since the point is that A) Maddison's have been doing it for 156 years or so, and the Foundation only took over in 1985.
19:03 Explain what you mean by that?
19:04 <MalyceGraves> Maybe add a line "Whenever possible, congregants should be prevented from initiating the specific modifications to pre-existing Rites that brings on the transformation of said rite into the Veri Ritual""
19:04 <Cyvstvi> Yes, that works.
19:04 <MalyceGraves> Or
19:05 <Cyvstvi> The point is that a spontaneous Veri Ritual would be near impossible to occur, since it requires someone has presided over one before.
19:05 <MalyceGraves> "Due to the wide-spread practice of Eucharistic rites, it is impossible to entirely prevent all iterations of the Veri Ritual, as such the Foundation has re-allocated resources to focus on containment rather than prevention"
19:05 <Cyvstvi> So in the past, this was Isabelle Maddison, currently, well whoever the Foundation has picked.
19:05 <MalyceGraves> I get that
19:05 So, that should be made clear
19:06 <Cyvstvi> I'm not quite sure how.
19:07 <MalyceGraves> Consider adding a line that states something like "Due to the necessity of maintaining the Covenant, the Foundation has designated a select pool of officiants that have been trained in propagating the specifics of the Veri Ritual"
19:08 At designated times and locations, this officiant shall initiate the ritual…. blahblahblah
19:08 <Cyvstvi> Ahh yeah.
19:09 <MalyceGraves> You could also say "Whenever possible, the selected participants in the Veri Ritual shall be selected from available D class that are also practitioners of a Christian sect"
19:09 <Cyvstvi> Yep, that works.
19:09 <MalyceGraves> That makes it much easier to contain
19:09 <Cyvstvi> Also implies they had to gobble on amorphous mass flesh, which is always delightful image.
19:10 Should that line be in the conprocs?
19:12 <MalyceGraves> Give me a moment, I'm looking for something
19:12 <Cyvstvi> No prob.
19:13 <MalyceGraves> http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2317 <- have you read this?
19:14 <Cyvstvi> I have once, don't remember it.
19:15 <MalyceGraves> There are certain elements of the Veri Ritual that makes me think of Procedure 220-Calabasas
19:15 <Cyvstvi> Which iteration is it on?
19:16 <MalyceGraves> 5
19:16 <Cyvstvi> Found it
19:16 <MalyceGraves> I'm not saying this is a copy, but that can give you an idea of how to form a ritual that actually works for this..
19:16 That make sense?
19:16 <Cyvstvi> Yeah, it does have some similarites.
19:16 <MalyceGraves> Like, you don't have to modify your existing ritual, but the set up can be similar
19:17 <Cyvstvi> I didn't actually base them off it though.
19:17 Oo, go on.
19:17 <MalyceGraves> Instead of having this ritual pop up in some random church, you could set up a chapel at Site-3 and just bring in celebrants
19:18 <Cyvstvi> Ooo, that is so much better.
19:18 A lot more sinister too.
19:18 <MalyceGraves> It would make it clearer that the Foundation is actively controlling this, and it would mean less time spent interacting with alllll those churches
19:18 <Cyvstvi> Hell, the chapel were they first communed with the entity.
19:18 well, abbey they call it.
19:18 <MalyceGraves> Perfect.
19:18 <Cyvstvi> Since they're rich as hell/
19:19 <MalyceGraves> "Following the transubstantiation, the congregation will consume the organic matter of SCP-XXXX and will then drink the blood. One female member of the congregation will be offered the vestments of the presiding minister of the ritual at which point she will become the presiding minister." this should be modified to reflect that the Foundation is controlling this
19:19 It's not a random "female member", but the selected officiant
19:20 <Cyvstvi> One female D-class member, a selected officiant, will be…
19:20 *the
19:20 <MalyceGraves> the officiant doesn't become consumed, right? just the celebrants?
19:20 <Cyvstvi> Yep
19:20 <MalyceGraves> So the Officiant isn't a D-class
19:20 <Cyvstvi> That's what Isabelle was doing all this time.
19:20 Ah yeah, it needs to be someone high up.
19:20 <MalyceGraves> She's gotta be a specially trained L3+ researcher
19:21 <Cyvstvi> Or at least okay sacrificing tons of people.
19:21 <MalyceGraves> I mean, the Foundation eats babies
19:21 <Cyvstvi> The Foundation are eating a baby in this one, kinda.
19:21 <MalyceGraves> Iteration 1 complete.
19:21 Moving to Iteration 2
19:21 <Cyvstvi> Since the officiant would have to be "one who has imbibed the flesh and blood of your transubstantiated form"
19:22 Yep, I agree, I'll definitely archive this whole thing when done.
19:22 <MalyceGraves> I'll do it
19:22 I'll post it to your thread
19:22 <Cyvstvi> Oh cheers.
19:23 <MalyceGraves> "SCP-XXXX-1, the Maddison family, are a group of four individuals who are functionally immortal; that is to say, no physical damage dealt to them is capable of neutralising them. Additionally, no weapons are capable of incapacitation." <— immortality and invulnerability are two different things
19:23 <Cyvstvi> They're functionally immortal, they wouldn't age or anything.
19:23 <MalyceGraves> Right, but that doesn't connote invulnerability
19:24 <Cyvstvi> Ahh true, I get what you mean.
19:24 <MalyceGraves> Which the "no weapons bit" states
19:24 Also, that isn't entirely true, as they are later revealed to have slit their own throats
19:24 <Cyvstvi> That was because only they can undo the contract.
19:24 I didn't specify that enough AT ALL at any point.
19:25 <MalyceGraves> ^
19:25 <Cyvstvi> In fact, don't think I ever did.
19:25 So I'll include that in the covenant.
19:25 <MalyceGraves> Ok.
19:25 "having continually grown in size since " I would say "consistently" rather than "continually"
19:26 <Cyvstvi> Agreed, completely different connotation.
19:28 <MalyceGraves> "They require no sustenance to continue biological functions, but they do derive pleasure from such activities." <— Consider: "While they do not appear to require nutritional sustenance to maintain their biological functions, they engage in eating and drinking as a form of pleasure."
19:29 "She who Slakes" should be She Who Slakes
19:29 "Investigations are ongoing into multiple GoI's related to neosarkicism to ascertain whether this entity is present within any other neosarkic cults." Neo-Sarkic
19:29 <Cyvstvi> Agreed to all the following.
19:32 <MalyceGraves> "Dr. Niles: Quite ironic considering that this entire room smells of rotten meat, and the fact that you have an amorphous mass of human tissues in your basement." <- breach in professionalism. Intentional?
19:32 also "human tissue" would be correct, without the plural
19:33 <Cyvstvi> Intentional, since they've known one another for two years.
19:33 <MalyceGraves> "SCP-XXXX-1A lets out a short, terse laughter that devolves into coughing." this should be <SCP-XXXX-1A lets out a short, terse laughter that devolves into coughing.> instead of bolded
19:33 <Cyvstvi> They have some form of report.
19:33 Italicised instead of bold?
19:33 <MalyceGraves> rapport
19:33 Yeah.
19:33 <Cyvstvi> I always get those confused.
19:33 Rapport/Report.
19:33 Got taught it in English, still don't get it
19:34 <MalyceGraves> The bold is utilized for names, italics for actions
19:34 <Cyvstvi> Ahh, understood.
19:34 Is that a transcription norm?
19:34 <MalyceGraves> Yes
19:34 Across the SCP spectrum, and also in court transcription
19:34 <Cyvstvi> Nice.
19:35 <MalyceGraves> "Very well, I hope you're sitting comfortably Niles, it is a long tale after all. Wife, be good and get our guest a refreshment." consider:
19:36 "Very well. Do settle in, for this could take awhile. Wife, do go and get our guest some refreshment."
19:37 <Cyvstvi> Yep, retains the 19th century patriarchal mannerisms and makes it less mechnical.
19:37 <MalyceGraves> "Now now doctor, " Doc would be capped in transcription"
19:37 <Cyvstvi> Didn't know that, would you suggest a comma between the nows>
19:37 <MalyceGraves> "Could you please begin?" -> "Would you please…" is correct
19:38 <Cyvstvi> Gotcha
19:38 <MalyceGraves> Yes, for the comma
19:39 "I do not understand I'm afraid Mr. Maddison, do continue." -> The second part does not flow with the first. Consider:
19:39 <Cyvstvi> Yep, felt that was a bit clunky.
19:40 <MalyceGraves> "I'm afraid I do not understand, Mr. Maddison. What do you mean, 'the flesh is weak'?"
19:40 At this point, Mr Maddison doesn't need to actually answer
19:40 as he's fallen into the cadence of his story
19:40 <Cyvstvi> Oh, good point.
19:40 <MalyceGraves> Oh! Also, I forgot something a few lines up
19:41 <Mr. Maddison pauses for a few moments, gazing reflectively at Dr. Niles> -> next line "Very well…."
19:41 <Cyvstvi> Ooo, I like that.
19:41 <MalyceGraves> Because he just said he wasn't going to tell, then suddenly he does
19:42 <Cyvstvi> Yep, feels a little out of blue,agree.
19:42 <MalyceGraves> "The abbey, as you have likely seen, is adjoined to the manor." Abbey and Manor should be capped
19:42 <Cyvstvi> Should all instances of Manor be capped in all docs?
19:43 <MalyceGraves> Not always. But here it is a proper noun
19:43 When it's just referencing the type of place "manor" is fine. When it could be substituted for The Maddison Manor" it should be capped
19:43 <Cyvstvi> Understood.
19:43 <MalyceGraves> Does that make sense?
19:44 <Cyvstvi> Yeah, the name's a proper noun.
19:45 <MalyceGraves> "The wife daren't look upon it any longer. She fears the place for that is where She is strongest." <- clunky. Consider: "The wife… She daren't look upon it any longer. She fears the place, for that is where /She/ is strongest."
19:46 "Could you clarify upon she? You have made many references to her in our meetings." Consider: "Whom do you mean, when you say 'She'? You have made many references…"
19:46 "couldn't feel Her, only smell, hear and … I dare not speak it." oxford comma
19:47 <Cyvstvi> You're a stickler for that comma. I'm really bad with them, I either flip flop or don't.
19:47 <MalyceGraves> " I understand your discomfort Mr. Maddison but we must discuss it." comma after Maddison
19:50 You should have [Begin Log] and [End Log] markers.
19:50 End Iteration 2, beginning Iteration 3
19:50 <Cyvstvi> Right, begin and end log at beginning and end.
19:51 <MalyceGraves> [Begin] after the Preface and [End] before the Closing statement
19:51 "designated SCP-XXXX-1 at this time" remove "at this time"
19:52 "and that, as of this document, dated 04/04/1985, the Maddison family are the custodians of SCP-XXXX." remove "this document, dated"
19:53 "having continually grown in size since the Maddison family" same as before. "consistently"
19:53 <Cyvstvi> Yep.
19:54 <MalyceGraves> "could not enter the household." -> "household" is generally used in reference to the family unit occupying the house. I suggest replacing it with "could not gain entrance to the residence."
19:54 "SCP-XXXX-1, the Maddison family, are a group of four five individuals who are functionally immortal; that is to say, no physical damage dealt to them is capable of neutralising them. Additionally, no weapons are capable of incapacitation." same as previous
19:54 Immortal/invulnerable
19:55 "They require no sustenance to continue biological functions, but they do derive pleasure from such activities." same
19:55 "She who Slakes" -> Who
19:56 " SCP-XXXX-1E had left the family in 1853" - remove "had", or replace it with "initially"
19:56 "Dr. Niles contained" replace contained with detained
19:57 "Maddison family manor" manor is fine uncapped here
19:57 "Your first God or the second one Isabelle?" Consider replacing with "Of which God do you speak, Isabelle? The first or the second?"
19:58 "What brought you back to your family Isabelle?" You don't need to keep using her name
[Extraneous comments removed]
20:09 <MalyceGraves> "I don't believe you Isabelle, tell me truthfully what you spent over a hundred years doing." -> Consider:
20:09 "I don't believe you, Isabelle. Please tell me truthfully about what…"
20:10 <Cyvstvi> Yeah, first one sounds like a child being scolded.
20:11 <MalyceGraves> "Their cause of death was exsanguination via the jugular and radial veins." consider:
20:11 Their cause of death was determined to be exsanguination…
20:12 " We were gaolers and the prisoners." consider: We were both gaolers and prisoners.
20:13 "I never wanted this but our daughter confessed to us and as we are children of God, so will we return to God for our punishment is in his arms, not Hers." -> I never wanted this, but our daughter confessed to us. We are children of God, and so we must return to him. Our punishment should be in His arms, not hers.
20:14 "The funeral song that weeps to the gap between the stars" consider:
20:15 "The funereal song that wafts to the Void between the stars…"
20:16 <Cyvstvi> wafts is nice actually.
20:17 <MalyceGraves> "the Veri ritual will not just be performed on our own flesh, but all flesh." -> consider "the Veri Ritual shall not be performed upon our flesh alone, but all flesh, everywhere."
20:17 <Cyvstvi> Yes!
20:17 <MalyceGraves> Line edits complete.
20:17 <Cyvstvi> That is an amazing one.
20:17 <MalyceGraves> Do you have any questions before I give an overall?
20:18 <Cyvstvi> Nope, except how do I link people's names in author posts.
20:18 <MalyceGraves> {{*user <USER>]] (EDIT: Corrected to not link an actual user)
20:18 <Cyvstvi> I see many people doing that when they publish an article for those that fed back on it.
20:18 Thanks
20:18 <MalyceGraves> No problem
20:19 Overall, I don't really see how this fits into Sarkic lore all that well. She Who Slakes sounds vaguely like Yaldaboath, which is nice. I'm not saying not to incorporate it into the Sarkic canon, there are an awful lot of not-very-Sarkic things that slot into it already.
20:20 <Cyvstvi> Yeah, it's very much a vague extension of Sarkicism.
20:20 <MalyceGraves> I like the piece, and with good revisions, I'd absolutely switch my -1 to a +1.
20:20 It's a good tale of a weird Neo-Sarkic thing.
