SCP:Idea

Summary:

a metal box with something inside

SCP:Idea

Dr Ferrum 21 Jan 2020 19:06

hopefully this is better:

inside a decorative box is complete darkness and while closed constantly shakes as if entities are trying to escape. when a guy opens it there is nothing inside but the darkness, when a female opens it an unknown amount of entities escape until the box is reopened by the same individual. while the instances are out of the box those in a region will begin to show signs related to the ones let out, but there is always an entity that causes death on those that it passes through and one that causes sickness. The box was found in Greece after an archeologist discovered it and opened it to find a billowing black cloud. After reaching in to find the source of the mist he found there was no bottom from the inside. That was thought to be all of the anomalous properties from the item but when a female researcher dropped it during transport and opened the lid. Seven black humanoid figures covered in various colored clouds of mist. After the entitys crawled out, the box closed, the figures lumbered away. Some passing through other witnesses, an entity covered in a dark green mist passed through a security officer, who immediately fell ill, vomiting. The one covered in black mist caused instant death to the ones it touched. The others caused emotions to burst out of people. When the researcher tried to force one of the entities into the box, as soon as it opened the figures were sucked in like a vacuum. Immediately testing started and was found that the entities that emerge are related to who opened the box, one who is known to be fearful caused a purple mist figure to emerge with the green and black. The purple mist figure caused those it contacted, to become very cowardly. During the same test it was shown that while the entities were outside of the box, the subject could not experience these emotions. A d-class was tested and while the black figure was out, was shot in the head but remained alive, until the entity was put back inside the box. The team of researchers decided to make two explorations, one when the box was opened by a male, and the other a female, with a small drone.

Last edited on 22 Jan 2020 17:19 by Dr Ferrum Show more

Re: SCP:Idea

involuntarybookclub 21 Jan 2020 19:44

So you've got an object that when triggered in a certain way causes death in a radius. You've got some hints of uniqueness, with the fact that its gender coded and shakes, but I think you'll probably need more than that. You're going to either come up with a way to make it genuinely disturbing, have intriguing backstory, or tell a story in some way.

You'll also need to figure out what the entities are and how they function.

Re: SCP:Idea

Dr Ferrum 21 Jan 2020 20:08

I figured I needed to do that I was just saying the basics and it doesn’t always cause complete death in the area but rather one of the entities causes it while another causes the sickness in its presence

Re: SCP:Idea

Doctor Fullham 22 Jan 2020 01:24

What you have currently is the "thing that does a thing" or "X that does Y" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Things What Do a Thing: An Essay On Anomalies That Are Things That Do A Thing

Essay Regarding SCPs, Narratives, and How They Can Share a Page

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

General Notes

We need to know more than just "it's a box that kills people when women open it." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it, Who or what created it and why, did someone use it to some end? What are these entities? What are the symptoms of the sickness? (These are not all questions that must be answered, these are some possible narrative hooks.) You need something that differentiates this as an SCP, instead of just an Anomalous Item.

I recommend reading a significant amount of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and focus on reading more recent SCPs rather than older series. Many early series SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all early series SCPs, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

when a female opens it an unknown amount of entities escape until the box is reopened by the same individual.

It stops when the box is opened again? Would the entities escaping not prevent the box from being closed, and it can only be closed by whoever opened it?

Also, from Dr. Mackenzie's Common SCP Pitfalls:

Danger/Death/Gore is a Cheap Thrill

Danger in the context of an SCP is a very broad concept; some SCPs are contained simply because they threaten the Foundation's mission of secrecy and mission to keep the world in the dark as to the fragile nature of reality. Simply making something gruesome is easy to do but ultimately not very effective on its own: body horror may get a quick reaction out of your reader, but if that is your only hook then they aren't liable to stay interested for long.

Put another way, horror movies that consist entirely of jump-scares and scary monsters tend not to be as interesting or successful as suspense-thrillers that play on the audience's deep fears and phobias.

The wiki is chock full of stuff that kills you, and honestly, it's one of the least interesting things an SCP can do.

The anomalous object, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

The anomalous item is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

Re: SCP:Idea

Dr Ferrum 22 Jan 2020 01:28

There will be a story in the actual article this is just my proposal and basics of what it is its hard for me to say more than the absolute basics when theres a word limit

Re: SCP:Idea

Doctor Fullham 22 Jan 2020 01:29

You get 500 words. You have 84. I think you can explain a bit more?

Re: SCP:Idea

Dr Ferrum 22 Jan 2020 01:50

I can't summarize very well so its either all of it or barely anything

Re: SCP:Idea

(account deleted) 22 Jan 2020 01:53

First-time author or not, I think that anyone who decides to write for the site, are expected to summarize what they want to say (within 500 words but gives a reviewer a near-full picture). So like what Fullham had said, perhaps you should take a step back and think about how to explain your concept more?

Last edited on 22 Jan 2020 01:54 by (account deleted) Show more

Re: SCP:Idea

Dr Ferrum 22 Jan 2020 02:28

I'll try but it will probably be more than the limit

Re: SCP:Idea

Zyn 22 Jan 2020 04:38

Then trim it down. If you're not good at summarizing, here's your opportunity to practice getting better at it.