I like it, but I would have liked for you to expand upon the disease itself, like how they discovered it, how many people it affects, how the foundation detects it, etc, so that left me wanting and is kinda a negative for me.
I like the realization that this is a kind of space themed thing, and that forming inside the patients body is a world, and the radio transmission thing is quite unsettling. Mixed opinions, but +1 for the effort, great job!
Thanks! The methods that are used to detect it are kind of implied in the containment procedures. I could have gone into more specific detail on the disease but tbh I think it would have been pretty dry; there would have been a lot of medical jargon which wouldn't have added much and probably would have been wrong (because I'm not a doctor).
This is just an excuse to include the "solar"plexus pun isn't it?
+1, though I wouldn't want it for the 5000 slot
I feel my main issue with this piece is that I didn't really feel anything from the final reveal. The buildup was passable, though I caught on to what was going on really quickly and felt it maybe took very slightly too long to get to the point.
The addendum, where they found something existing on the system, just wasn't interesting enough to justify the piece in my eyes. It was a little too mundane and lacking in information, and I do understand why you did that. It just, unfortunately, didn't work for me. The final line about the translation being underway just left me feeling unsatisfied with this idea, as the imagery prior to it hadn't been quite clear and/or vivid enough to justify that type of anticlimax.
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I'm afraid it's a -1 from me for a few reasons. I echo the sentiments of the other commenters in saying I don't think it's quite deep enough in any particular direction and the ending/payoff is a bit of an anticlimax. Lastly, I don't think it quite fits with the theme of 5kon, vague as it is.
That being said, I am a sucker for puns and did get a few good laughs. Terratoma, solar plexus.
Normally I’d just say that I like the article for being short and giving an interesting little image of a solar system forming within a person’s body, maybe just note that it mirrors the abdominal planet very closely, complete with as of yet not contacted civilization growing in a persons stomach… but in the context of the contest I have to add that I really don’t see how it matches the theme. There’s no mystery of “what is this disease?” that’s immediately answered with “a solar system”. I guess its origins are a mystery, but you can say that about every skip and it’s never touched upon.
I really like it but I don't think it brings enough significance to the Foundation's universe to be SCP-5000. I think you should reveal a bit more information about whoever lives in this world, it seems to me that you finished too early and I didn't even realise it was a world until I read other replies.
Well, it's clearly not a bad article but i really don't see it as a scp-5000 article. Plus there's no mystery in it, or at least not more than the average article.
It could also use a little more expanding, like if there could be case of dual star system, difference between Red Dwarf case and Blue Giant case, maybe with different terminal stage such as the black hole or the neutron star.
Will upvote after contest.
Hehehe, solar plexus. However, this doesn’t really fit the theme. Will upvote post-contest.
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