SCP-XXXX is to be routinely monitored by at least 20 armed personnel around its perimeter.
"The perimeter around SCP-XXXX is to be routinely patrolled by at least 20 armed security personnel."
Any irregular activity outside of SCP-XXXX's established pattern is to be immediately reported to Site Director.
Either say "the Site Director" or "Site Director [NAME]". Also "irregular activity" and "outside its established pattern" are redundant, unless irregular activity is normally observed in a pattern with this thing.
The following are the specific measurements to be taken during these astronomical events:
You say "these" events, using a pronoun before specifying what it refers to. I would phrase it as "The following astronomical events must have the listed measurements taken:"
- Solar eclipse: Current protocols: Water all blooming flowers embedded on SCP-XXXX's trilithons with mercury. Transport SCP-XXXX-C to Room 171 (Site Observatory).
- Lunar eclipse: Terminate SCP-XXXX-3 with all means necessary.
"All flowers in bloom on SCP-XXXX's trilithons must have liquid mercury applied and SCP-XXXX-C transported to the Site-57 Observatory."
The room number of the observatory is unnecessary and "water" is not applicable since you're not watering them, you're mercury-ing them.
Why is the solar eclipse monotype but not the lunar eclipse?
It should also say "by any means" not "with all means".
Any and all attempts to visually document SCP-XXXX are strictly prohibited. Perpetrators will be tracked and detained.
What measures are being taken to stop people from documenting it? How do they track perpetrators? This raises more questions than it answers and honestly I think you could get away with removing this bit and not really lose anything.
SCP-XXXX-3 is to be kept in a standard 4 × 4 × 3 m windowless containment cell in Site-57 and provided monthly psychological evaluation. SCP-XXXX-3 must never be exposed to sunlight or any kind of ultraviolet radiation. SCP-XXXX-3 is allowed Level 3 (Restricted) socialization privileges with appointed personnel and permission to roam designated areas of the site under the supervision of a bodyguard.
Nearly all commercially available light bulbs emit at least some level of UV radiation. Have they fitted this entire site with non-UV bulbs (such as Sodium Vapor Lamps)? Might want to mention that.
Level 3 (Restricted) is a designation for data access rights, not for socialization privileges.
Why is it allowed, even under supervision, to roam any part of the site? What happens to it if it tries to escape? Are they cleared to terminate it?
SCP-XXXX is the Stonehenge monument located in Wiltshire, England.
"SCP-XXXX is a stone monument commonly known as "Stonehenge," located in Wiltshire, England."
As far as the Foundation is concerned, this thing is SCP-XXXX, not Stonehenge.
Following the Ansuman Incident, each of the trilithons has exhibited dangerously high levels of ultraviolet and gamma radiation, capable of deteriorating any biological composition 9.5 m from it.
"…any biological composition within 9.5 meters."
The massive amounts of radiation has also created an optical anomaly in its centre, a vision of a glowing purple cube (approximately 5 m from each side) that remains the same even if observed from different angles.
Several tonal issues here, especially "massive" and "vision". This whole line needs a rewrite.
Approximately 10-20 SCP-XXXX-2 instances will emerge and begin circling the trilithons until sundown.
Have more than 10 or less than 20 been observed? Think about rewording this because "approximately" followed by a range feels off.
Solar eclipse: Current hypothesis: The white flowers will bloom open, revealing their mouths.
Again, why monotype? What about the solar eclipse requires this difference? It's kinda distracting.
Lunar eclipse: All objects within a 3 km radius that has a volume of 729 m3 or more will experience spacial and reality displacements, constantly transforming the interior of the object to a 5-dimensional space. Every human also within that range will suddenly be transported to the immediate vicinity of SCP-XXXX's trilithons. Approximately 100-250 instances of SCP-XXXX-2 will emerge from SCP-XXXX.
This section is just….weird. How do they know they're becoming FIVE dimensional? What even is the 5th dimension?? You also say "all objects" and then specify that something different happens to humans? We're alive, sure, but we're still "objects" in a scientific sense. Also the whole 729 m3 part, although scientific, like, I have no idea how big that is. That measurement means nothing in my brain. That could be anywhere between a bread box and a barn. No idea how you'd go about fixing that, but all the same. Also has the same issue as above with 'approximately' followed by a range.
Any visual depiction of SCP-XXXX (photo, video, drawing, etc.) can cause severe hazardous properties when viewed in any way, ranging from permanent brain damage to [DATA EXPUNGED].
I feel like extrapolating on what constitutes a "visual depiction" is unnecessary. Also I really disagree with the expungement here. It feels like "ooooooo something so bad they won't even tell you about it!" Like, does it kill? I feel like that's kinda the worst it can do. Check out the guide "Zen and the Art of (DATA EXPUNGED) " for some great advice on when and when not to do this. You might also want to mention that this does not apply to depictions made before the event happened, if that's indeed the case.
SCP-XXXX-2 is the designation for a highly hostile species of humanoid entities comprised of pure rubedo2 that routinely emerge from SCP-XXXX during daylight hours. Each instance is approximately 1.9 m in height. SCP-XXXX-2's facial feature consists of only a single glowing orange dot on its forehead.
I feel like, since Rubedo is not a real thing, and they redact one of the main parts, maybe just redact it entirely? Why do we need to know it's used for heating? And maybe say "SCP-XXXX's sole facial feature is a luminescent orange point in the forehead region." If it lacks human facial structure then it doesn't really have a "forehead", per se.
SCP-XXXX-2 instances possess immense durability, speed, and strength, requiring high amounts of explosives to properly be neutralised. All attempts to capture any instances so far have failed, due to their area of movement seemingly limited to 30 meters away from SCP-XXXX, immediately crumbling to shards once stepping out of range. SCP-XXXX-2 is currently believed to be non-sapient, acting instead like a hive mind and following simple orders.
"immense" feels very non-clinical here. Maybe "significant"? And I'd say "large amounts" rather than "high amounts". The captures failing due to their "area of movement" feels a bit off. Perhaps "active area"?
SCP-XXXX-3 (formerly known as Thorin Wagner) is a male human of British descent. Records indicate that SCP-XXXX-3 was born on ████, making him ██ years old during acquisition. He has brown hair and green eyes. As of the writing of this report, his current height is 1.54 m.
The physical description feels unnecessary here. And this guy is just over 5 feet tall? That's pretty short and we have no indication of his age so I don't know if that's unusual or not. Why are his birth year and age redacted? What risk does that information pose? Why are we allowed to know everything but that? Again, check out "Zen and the Art of (DATA EXPUNGED)".
When exposed to sunlight or other ultraviolet radiation, SCP-XXXX-3 will cause his surrounding area (approximately 5 m) to spontaneously combust to flames, injuring himself in the process. The combustion would continue until SCP-XXXX-3 is removed from the exposure.
I would just say "any ultraviolet radiation". "combust to flames" is both improper grammar and redundant - combust means explode in flames. "combustion would continue" is also grammatically incorrect.
SCP-XXXX-3's second anomalous property manifests during periods of sleep. During the first 10 minutes of sleep, SCP-XXXX-3's brain activity gradually increases until it is 10 times faster than the average theta brainwaves (about 50-90 Hz). After that point, SCP-XXXX-3 would experience mild epileptic seizures lasting usually between 7-8 hours, during which he cannot be awakened with any known methods.
I feel like "faster" is not the correct word, as Hz does not measure speed. Perhaps "Stronger" or "more intense"? Also another use of "would" here, should be "will". "Would" is more hypothetical.
After reawakening, SCP-XXXX-3 would always immediately complain about his dreams before continuing with his daily activities in containment. If asked to describe the nature of his dreams, SCP-XXXX-3 will either ramble in some unknown language Wuski3 for 3 hours or recite different 8-digit numbers for at least 2 hours. All 8-digit numbers given are dates that have been proven to correlate with past and future astronomical events.
"Awakening," not "reawakening". "Complain" is also very nonclinical. I personally dislike strikethroughs unless the information having been there is important in some way, and "ramble" is once again very nonclinical language.
SCP-XXXX-4 is a male human of unknown age and descent. It has currently shown no anomalous properties aside from its ability to safely emerge from SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX-C claims to be an agent of GoI #19454 under the codename "Do
See above comments about strike throughs. Also was the person interrupted while typing this?
Addendum XXXX.a: Discovery
This might be personal preference, but I don't think Discovery needs to be an addendum.
SCP-XXXX was discovered on 5 July 2020 during a penumbral lunar eclipse in the Wiltshire area. The Foundation was informed about the situation by international UNESCO officials. MTF Epsilon-6 ("Village Idiots") was quickly deployed to the location where they found about 50 tourists being killed by hundreds of SCP-XXXX-2 instances with 200 other tourists attempting to flee the location with some of them collapsing after succumbing to SCP-XXXX's radiation.
I recommend using the yyyy/mm/dd format - 2020/07/05. "about 50 tourists being killed" is very nonclinical, and the last line is a run-on sentence.
As the MTF's members dismounted from their vehicles and dispatched various SCP-XXXX-2 instances, S Agent Doorhandle emerged from SCP-XXXX's centre, carrying an unconscious SCP-XXXX-3 and placing him beside the other injured tourists before aiding the MTF members. Nearly a hundred of SCP-XXXX-2 instances were [DATA EXPUNGED], with the surviving few immediately retreating back to the centre of SCP-XXXX, vanishing in the optical anomaly.
I really don't recommend the text coloration unless it's justified by the anomaly, and you've already discussed its effects, so it doesn't seem to have a point. There are colorblind readers on the wiki that this may affect negatively. It really takes me out of the report, too.
75 people were killed in the resulting event, with 19 other victims dying of radiation and one additional victim, ████ ███████, dying shortly while on the way to the hospital when he attempted to show medical personnel a photo of SCP-XXXX that he took.
Honestly, most of this information feels superfluous. And again, why is the name redacted?
A security perimeter surrounding SCP-XXXX would then be established and later developed into Containment Site-57 under the guise of a temporary reclamation site with the help of UNESCO officials.
You've already explained that this has happened, this is redundant.
During the 19 days following the Ansuman Incident, SCP-XXXX-3 had not developed any anomalous properties. At that point in time, SCP-XXXX-3 had been staying at a refuge centre in Wiltshire and was about to be picked up by his aunt to live with her.
More clinical tone issues. "about to be picked up"…nah. Remember that just because you are talking about regular people does not mean you talk like regular people.
On 24 July 2020, at 11:30 AM, as SCP-XXXX-3 exited the centre to greet her at the entrance, the area around him instantly combusted, heavily injuring a security officer and SCP-XXXX-3's aunt. SCP-XXXX-3 himself was slightly injured on the facial area, but received serious burns on his arms and torso. Reports show that the combustion lasted for 2 minutes, during which the entrance was burnt to the ground and SCP-XXXX-3 fled to a nearby bathroom.
See above issues for why this would not work if any amount of UV light triggers this. He'd combust well before getting outside, fluorescent lights used in most schools produce UV light.
SC Two Foundation agents, who had been sent to the centre under the pretense of additional security, quickly secured the victims and located SCP-XXXX-3 in one of the bathrooms, having an epileptic seizure. The Foundation was later informed of the situation and deployed a mobile containment unit, leading to SCP-XXXX-3's acquisition.
How did they realize so easily that UV light was the trigger and he'd need a special mobile containment unit? And what's with the crossed out SC at the start?
The victims and witnesses of said acquisition were amnestisied, excluding SCP-XXXX-3's aunt, who was given a cover story that her nephew had been immolated in the incident.
Nope. They would have amnesticized her AND given her a cover story.
The following interview was conducted in Site-57 after SCP-XXXX-3 regained consciousness and treated for his injuries.
I think it can be assumed that this interview took place after he was conscious again.
Please give a brief personal introduction, including date and place of birth, and your name.
Why? Wouldn't they have been able to get this information easily from other methods?
Uh, look, if you still need to rest,
A Foundation employee would not be this unsure. They employ professional psychologists. She would also not reach out and tap his shoulder later - he is a danger and they have no idea if there are other potential triggers for this. Also the use of the word "Heck" later feels awkward.
Testing Logs
More non-clinical language from Natt. Remember, she knows that this is for the purpose of scientific documentation, and she is a professional. More usage of colored text that really takes me out of it. When I see this all I think is "why did the author do this?" not "what part of the anomaly is causing this?"
Security Footage
More nonclinical language, "hops down", "splashes", etc. And more colored text. Also please, please tell me you are not keeping the "Agent Doorhandle" self-insert. Nobody has that name. It's an obvious author avatar and really takes me out of it. Especially here, it feels so tongue in cheek when you keep using the word "handle". It's not funny, and it's just jarring in the context of the very serious tone of the rest of the article.
Interview between Doorhandle and SCP-XXXX-3
I feel like this needs to be somewhere else in the article. Like, at the very end, it feels like the big swerve and you're giving it to us early. And the text coloring still makes no sense. The person transcribing this interview would not make the text a different color depending on what's happening in the video. Unless the anomaly is affecting the text, this is just weird and makes no sense. I get that you want to emphasize how alien this is, but this is not an effective way to do it.
Log between Natt and Doorhandle
O5 would not relegate a researcher to this. This would be an immediate O5 council hearing. Doorhandle, acting on no authorization, terminated an anomalous humanoid in containment (apparently a child, nonetheless) and was heard confirming he is working for someone else. There is no way this doesn't go straight to O5.
The rest of it is all kinda reliant on that, too, but I feel like Natt is used too much and the O5 not used enough. The O5 interviewing this agent (please please do not call him Doorhandle I am not the only one that will dislike this and I know some will downvote on this basis alone) could be really interesting and give all the information from that interview easily. They might want to interview SCP-XXXX-3 after seeing that video log, too, especially because he came back to life.
